Home Office for "Noma Neko" problem for foreigners (169)

28 Name: CTRL+C & CTRL+V 2005-09-21 10:05 ID:Heaven

The following are a few suggestions I want to make regarding the "5 minutes" text.
It's mostly about clearing up some grammar (e.g. correcting prepositions, articles, etc.) and style.

None of the corrections are neccessary in order to understand the text as it is.
I still think it would be good to use them if you want to expose the "5 minutes" text to a large English-speaking crowd.

If you have any questions or comments about any of the suggestions, feel free to reply to me.

A few general remarks at first:

You should always write the same words in the same way,
e.g. "avex" in the first headline should read "AVEX". Also, decide on EITHER
"Moraler" or "Mo-lala"!

"BBS" does not have the same meaning in English as in Japanese, in English it refers to
a very specific type of internet communication, not generally to all types of fora.
So that's my reason why I replaced BBS with "forum" or "fora" (plural of forum) in my suggestions below.

You should also avoid making arbitrary line breaks in the middle of sentences (e.g. "showing a" [line break] "catlike character").
This disrupts the reading flow significantly.

29 Name: 28 2005-09-21 10:06 ID:Heaven

Now for the specific suggestions (part 1 of 2, part 2 will follow later)
I'll use "original phrase" "my suggestion" or "original phrase" "my remark on it" format.

* There should not be a full stop at the end of "cartoon works streaming through internet."

* "and history on it." "and its further history"

* "Let's move forward."

* "*End of September-October, 2004. Wata unveiled it in 2-channel" "At the end of September-October, 2004. Wata unveiled it on 2-channel"

* "Wata is also a 2-channel user, unveiled it in 2-channel." This sentence is not really needed anymore, you said the same above already.

* " Most of 2-channeller preferably enjoyed this movie in which shows Monar and his friends dancing." "Most 2-channellers enjoyed this movie in which Monar and his friends were shown dancing."

* "has released O-Zone CD entitled of Dragostea din Tei." "has released a CD by O-Zone entitled "Dragostea din Tei.""

* "bonus truck" "bonus track"

* "comparing to the original" "compared to the original"

* "but still characters shown and parodied words were constructed basically the same." Why isn't all of this in red?

* "Especially the principal character named "Noma-Neko"." "Especially the main character named "Noma-Neko"."

* "A beloved character which has been brought up in BBS, virtual internet world has been kidnapped as an "original" of profittal enterprise!!" "A beloved character which has been brought up on a forum in the virtual internet world has been kidnapped as an "original" of profit based enterprise!!"

* "But most of all were quite much raged." "But most of all, they were quite outraged."

* "There was even some who started asking AVEX on it." "There were even some who started asking AVEX about it."

* "response from AVEX were as follows" "response from AVEX was as follows"

* "It is the same that 2-channel character and Noma-Neko are not the same." "In the same way, 2-channel character and Noma-Neko are not the same, either."

* "MUZO has announced" "MUZO announced"

* "Many could not see what this statement exactlly means." "Many could not see what this statement exactly meant."

* ""Nothing to say at this moment." was only reply we could get from AVEX." "No comment at this time." was the only reply we could get from AVEX.

* "And at night on September 8, 2005, an article titled "About copyright of Noma-Neko" was added on an official internet shopping website of AVEX." "And at the night of September 8th, 2005, an article titled "About the copyright of Noma-Neko" was added on the official internet shopping website of AVEX."

* ""Noma-Neko" was born to be "inspired" by ASCII Art characters" ""Noma-Neko"'s creation was "inspired" by ASCII Art characters"

* "often seen on internet BBS such as Monar and so on." "often seen on internet fora, such as Monar, etc."

* "Noma-Neko is completely different character from Monar and Mo-lala." "The Noma-Neko character is completely different from Monar and Mo-lala."

30 Name: 28 2005-09-21 10:07 ID:Heaven

ooops:

* "Let's move forward." "Let's continue."

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.