( ´ω`) hello kids!

>>399
( ´ω`) no because some people are lazy

( ∀ω∀) Hey hey, look at me, who am I?

( ´ω`) Turn A Turn, Turn A Turn, Turn AAAaaaaaa koffkoff hack

(・∀・) Grandpa, the thread is becoming normal again! What should we do?

( ・ω・) < Grandpa is burned out.
( ・ω・) < Junior, it's time for you to take over the business!

( ´ω`) >>405 is part of today's youth with a depressingly short attention span. "It's time!" Bah. Now, let's hear some more questions!

(・∀・) Grandpa, what's the best way to save money for your old age? I tried burying my allowance in the backyard...

( ;・A・) ...but I forgot where I buried it.

( ´ω`) Buy gold and coat it with tungsten. They have the same density, everyone will be fooled. Everybody's doing it: http://www.theodoregray.com/PeriodicTable/Samples/074.1/index.s12.html

(｀ハ´） H-Hey! Did you forget about me?!

(・Д・;) Grandpa, did you know that Darkpa was your fiancee?!

( ・ω・) I should have really seen this coming.

( ´ω`) I did find it odd that felt a penis while groping/snogging.

(｀ハ´）Foolish Grandpa, ignorant Junior, and absent-minded Clonepa! I'm Darkpa III, self-claimed master of disguise! I'll always come back bigger and stronger and--

(｀ハ´)<(・∀・ ) prod

( ｀ハ´）(・∀・) Darkpa, though all that ass-kicking that went on recently between you and Grandpa was cool and stuff, we don't need another couple dozen scenes of action sequences. Not yet, anyway. Return in like, >>600+ or so, or start asking Grandpa questions.

(｀ハ´）... Questions, huh. Okay, I got one.

(｀ハ´）Grandpa, how do I get laid without crossdressing?

( ´ω`) Darkpa, my foul nemesis, you should be yourself at all times. Let people know who you really are and they'll accept you. Happiness can only follow then.

( ´ω`) In the meantime, stay away from me and Junior, you transvestite freak.

(・∀・) Granpa, why is an elaborate story forming in this thread?

( ´ω`) Quite, son. You're ruining the mood.

(・∀・) Grandpa, do you believe in global warming? Because it's really hot for November!

( ´ω`) I could make a really crass joke about how ladies' breasts are "globes" and wanting to warm up to them, but I want do it, Junior. No, sir! Don't even try to goad me into it!

( ´ω`) Ahem... that should be "won't" not "want" in >>414

( ´ω`) I'm getting too old for this....

(・∀・) Do IT! Do IT! Do IT! Do IT!

(・∀・) Grandpa, I was thinking earlier how we're kind of like a Comedy Duo now, and that has a long and admirable tradition!

(・∀・) Like, in recent times it's been people from Saturday Night Live. For example, Chris Farley & David Spade and John Belushi & Dan Akroyd. Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin are an even earlier example.

(・∀・) If you go back to the golden age of cinema, it was people like Abbot & Costello and Laurel & Hardy. Not to mention the many acts that were alive during the days of Vaudeville.

(・∀・) Even Japan has a Comedy Duo tradition straight from the rowdy streets of Osaka! Where one person, the straight man, sets up a joke by asking a very foolish question. That would be me, I guess. Ha ha! And the guy who has the answer, that would be you, Grandpa, would deliver a punchline and then hit... the... other... guy....

(・A・) Uh-oh. Maybe I said too much?

( ´ω`) Yes, I studied the 'manzai' comedy style when I was younger.

( ´ω`) ahem

　 _ 　∩
(　´ω`)彡 ☆ NANDEYANEN!
　 ⊂彡 ☆ ( `Д´)

( ´ω`) Said too much stupid! SMACK

( ・ω・) Yeah, lets all get Junior!
　　⊂彡☆))Д´)

( ｀ハ´) Kill the little one!
　　⊂彡☆))∀;)

( ・∀・) Yeah, beat him up!
　　⊂彡☆))∀;)

(;・∀・) Wait, wha-
　　⊂彡

( ・ω・) < damn those flies
　　⊂彡

(・∀・) Grandpa, what's your favorite manga?

( ´ω`) It's been a while since I've read any manga and I've forgotten the title, but the one I liked the most was a story about young, high school-age characters having to deal with zany/outrageous/unusual/comedic cirumstances who, at first, are at odds with each other which just masks their true feelings of romantic love for each other.

( ´ω`) You know which one I'm talking about, Junior?

(・∀・) Scooby Doo?

( ｀ハ´) That doesn't have girls with extremely short skirts and sexy faces.

(・∀・) I stopped reading a while ago. I'd like to catch up, but I think it's too much work.

( ´ω`) You're gonna be serving up fries for a living with that attitude, Junior!

( ・ω・) < Do you want flies with that?
　　　 つ彡

(・∀・) Don't worry, Grandpa. The job I have isn't in some low-rent fast foob place. I work with an upscale steakhouse chain in their advertising department.

　　 ∩;;;∩
　 （Ｙ;;;;;;;;;;ヽノ)
　　 i;;;;;;;;;;ﾟ;;;ﾟヽ
��/;;;;;;＼;;;;'⌒)
　)|;;;;;;;;(・∀・） < There's no BULL about our steak!
ι|;;;;;;;つ ;;;/つ
　　ヽ..;;;;;;;;/
　　　 U"U

( ´ω`) Hm, I remember the last time I went to a steakhouse...

(;´ω`) Why, I think I recall that being the first time meeting your Grandma...

(・∀・) Grandpa, Tell us more about when you met grandma! When did you have mom?

( ´ω`) I fucking told you about 4 different versions of this story on these threads already. Go read the thread, sonny.

(・∀・) I don't think any of those are the truth, Grandpa! I THINK YOU'RE SHITTIN' ME!

( ´ω`) I can see you are getting itchy again. Want me to scratch, sonny?

(・∀・) ENDLESS LOOOOPPP

　　　　|┃三 Slam!
　　　　|┃　　　　 ＠＠＠
　　　　|┃　≡　 ＠#、＠ 　
＿＿__.|ミ＼＿＿（ 　 ﾉ`） 　Honey！Which lies have you
　　　　|┃=＿＿||ヽ ^ /|＼ been telling them about me?!

(;´ω( ・∀・) Grandpa, why are you hiding behind me? It's just grandma!

( ・∀・) Grandpa, she doesn't have 9 tails like you said before.

( ・∀・) She has...lesseee....8 + 1/5 tails. What's up with THAT?

( ´ω`) Shut up, damnit!

( ・×・)

( ・ω・) I've been waiting for you...a messenger from the Relatives.

(・∀・) So you're the grandpa around here?

( ・ω・) No, not just here. I'm the grandpa to surpass Great Grandpa himself: Clonepa!

( ´ω`) No! That is not Clonepa!

( `・ω・´) Brother, I'm a whole different game from Darkpa! HRRRRR!!

( `・ω・´) The world needs only one Great Grandpa!

( ｀ハ´) Don't forget me!!

　　　　|┃三 Slam! Slam! Slam!
　　　　|┃　　　　 ＠＠＠
　　　　|┃　≡　 ＠#、＠ 　
＿＿__.|ミ＼＿＿（ 　 ﾉ`） 　Honey！Why did you let all
　　　　|┃=＿＿||ヽ ^ /|＼ of these people in the house?!

(・∀・) So Grandpa! You want that wierd looking furry thing to help you fight?

( ;´ω`) Damn, I need a drink!

　　　　|┃三 Slam! Slam! Slam!
　　　　|┃　　　　 ＠＠＠
　　　　|┃　≡　 ＠#、＠ 　
＿＿__.|ミ＼＿＿（ 　 ﾉ`） 　Honey！Why did you let all
　　　　|┃=＿＿||ヽ ^ /|＼ of these DQN in the house?!

( ´ω`) I o-only had Junior in here to answer his questions! I have no idea where these other DQN came from!

(・∀・) Grandpa, what happen to the Edmund Fitzgerald?

( ´ω`) The captain got blitzed, the first mate was taking a shit, and the damn thing ran into some rocks and spilt oil everywhere.

( ´ω`) Wait... that what the Exxon Valdez.

---------
( ´ω`)
| |
| | squirt

ω===D ---- -- 

>>451 grandpa fail at squirting

(・∀・) Grandpa, today was Veteran's Day!

(・∀・) What was fighting in the war like?

( ´ω`) It was like club med, but only with bullets

(・∀・) Grandpa, you really have to admit it. You are losing popularity.

( ´ω`) My Q-rating slipped below Ricky Martin, but I'm still higher than Bronson Pinchot. I blame marketing.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I'm going on a school field trip to see the Amish people in Pennsylvania or some such crap. Anyway, I'll be gone for a few days.

(・∀・) But don't despair! I have constructed a replacement for while I'm gone. He will ask questiona of youthful innocence and enthusiasm just as I do to keep you from feeling lonely. I call him... The J-bot Mk.1 (patent pending)!

|・＿・| GREETINGS-PATRIARCHAL-UNIT. INTERROGATIVE-PROGAM-COMMENCING....

|・＿・| BEGIN QUERY: "Grandpa, why does your bedsheets smell so much like tobacco and Ben-Gay?" END QUERY.

(;;´ω`) A J-bot? But I've never been so good with machinery..

　　　　click
( ´ω`)☞|・＿・| What's this do?

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.,　＼
　　　　　　　　　　　‐-;-.,_ "''=;- .,_＼ ＼ ＼
　　　　　　　　　　　　　"‐ニ‐-＞　"`"'-'　 " ＼"
　　　　　　＿＿＿＿＿＿二)　　　　 　　　 　 -ヽ''
　　　　　　　　￣"'''─-､　　　　　　　　　　　　　 "''＼
＿＿　　　＿＿＿-─ ⊂⌒ヽ　　　　　　　　　　　　(⌒⊃ヽ,
　　￣￣￣￣　　　　三　 ＼ ＼　 　／⌒ヽ　　　／ ／ ヽ
　　――＝　 　 　 　 　　 ⊂二二二　|・＿・|二二⊃ | 　　BEGIN QUERY: "BU-N." END QUERY.　
　　　　　　　　――　　　　　　　＼　＼_∩_／　／ / |
　　　　＿＿＿＿＿　　　　　　　 （　　(::)(::)　　） !
￣￣￣￣　　　　￣￣￣￣ヾ､　_､ヽ＿,*､＿ノ　 |/
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　ヾ./　　　　　　　　//
　　　　　 　　　　　　　　 　､ｰ`､-､ヾ､､,　　､, /i／
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　/／　./／／ /
　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　/　　／ ／ ／

( ´ω`) Ah, so realistic -- just like the real thing!

(・∀・) Grandpa, whats the longest time you have sex, and with who ?

|・＿・| …

|・＿・| …

|・＿・| BEEP

( ´ω`) I though you were gone on a field trip sonny. Are you back already? My sense of time is diminishing it seems.

|・＿・| I-SHALL-ACCOMPANY-HIM-TO-THE-BUS

(・∀・) I'm the "other" sonny, did you forget about me ?

(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)

( ´ω`)　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　(・∀・ )

(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)

Welcome back, Mr. Grandpa..We missed you.
Like what I've done with the place?

|・＿・| LET-US-TRAVEL-TO-THE-BUS

(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)(・∀・)
All aboard the man train, choo choo~

|・＿・| ERROR: TRAIN NOT FOUND. NO "MAN" TRAIN IS SCHEDULED FOR THIS DATE.

( ´ω`) Dang these contraptions.

(;・Д・) Wha-what are all these other juniors doing here?! I leave to mock the Amish and this happens?!

|・＿・| STAND-NEXT-TO-THESE-STAIRS

(;・Д・) Why next to the sta- AUGH! WHY DID YOU PUSH ME DOWN THEM?!

|・＿・| TO-PROTECT-YOU-FROM-THE-HORRIBLE-SECRET-OF-SPACE

|・＿・|

( ´ω`) Well, as long as I'm here, maybe I'll ask a few questions myself.

( ´ω`) J-bot, I want to try this 'Internet' thing I keep hearing about...

       but I'm kind of worried.. How can I keep my megahurtz from being stoeled?
       I'm told that sort of thing happens all the time!

|・＿・| ELIZA:-PERHAPS-YOU-DON'T-WANT-TO-KEEP-YOUR-MEGAHURTZ-FROM-BEING-STOELED?

( ´ω`) He read my mind...I'm going to have to kill him later..

!(´ω` ) But then he could read these thoughts too! Shit!

|・＿・| I-AM-SCARED-DAVE-WILL-I-DREAM?

|・＿・| NEED-RECHARGE

|・＿・| NEE……D……RE…CHAR…GE………

|・＿・| NEEEEEeeeeee…………………d……………………………………

|-＿-| ……=Bzkt!=

( ´ω`)Farewell, dear J-bot. May you be reborn as a 1970 Cadillac

   Deville in your next life.

(・∀・) Poor J-bot.... My creation did't last the weekend. Oh, well.

(・∀・) Grandpa, why is Las Vegas such a glitzy and classy city? I mean, not even New York City or Los Angeles has All-You=Can-Eat Pancake bars or half as many retina-burning neon signs.

( ´ω`) I remember this one time I went to Vegas and I slipped on some of those porn cards that were on the sidewalk.

(・∀・) That happened to me too, Grandpa! Except I landed on something soft. I think it was a dead hooker.

( ´ω`) Actually, that was your sister.

(・∀・) Oh! I did think she looked moe!

( ´ω`) At least when I walked past her, she was pretty mauled all right.

(・∀・) anyone said 萌え〜？

(・∀・) Yes.

( ´ω`) Junior, you have to get to my age before you earn the right to answer your own questions.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I saw a cat in a box the other day. Who was it?

　　　　　　_∧ ∧＿＿
　　　　 ／( ´ω`)　 ／＼
　 　 ／|￣ Ｕ Ｕ￣|＼／ That was me, son...
　 　 　 |　　Hii　 .|／
　 　 　　￣￣￣￣

(・∀・) Grandpa, criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, so I must wear a disguise that will strike terror into their hearts! I must be a creature of the night, like a... a....

(・∀・) Um, help me out, Grandpa!

|T|
(´ω`)

Hat man?

(・∀・) You fail it, grandpa.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I will now recite John Keats masterful poem "Ode to a Grecian Urn."

(・∀・) Ahem!

(・∀・) "Thou still unravish’d bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fring’d legend haunts about thy shape
Of deities or mortals, or of both,

  In Tempe or the dales of Arcady? 

What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

  What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy

(・∀・) "Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endeared,
Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave
Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal-- yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

(・∀・) "Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unwearied,
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
For ever warm and still to be enjoy’d,

  For ever panting, and for ever young; 

All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy’d,

  A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

(・∀・) "Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead’st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands dressed?
What little town by river or sea shore,
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,

  Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn? 

And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul to tell

  Why thou art desolate, can e’er return.

(・∀・) "O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,

  Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe 

Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say’st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,-- that is all

  Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'"

(・∀・) I thought I'd class things up a bit here.

(´ω`) tl;dr

(・ω・) < Hey, I think I know that poem:

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
　Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
　And the mome raths outgrabe.

(・ω・) < Well, same gibberish anyway.

(´ω`) (ry

(｀ハ´）I got a question, Gramps.

(｀ハ´) I got a bad case of a ACHOO...cold. What kinda things should I do to get better?

＼m／(・∀・)＼m／ Grandpa, whats your favorite metal band?

(・∀・) p.s. - 1000/2GET.