( ´ω`) hello kids!

(・∀・) Grandpa! Is it true you were born in 1874? Wiki says so!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandpa

( ´ω`) Kiddo, I've already told you that Wikipedia isn't the best--well, a few cans short of a six-pack, yknow.

( ´ω`) Anyway, you'll never find true background data about me on the internet. I've hired several of the world's best hackers to destroy all information pertaining to me, my ancestors, and anyone related to me.

(;´ω`) You see, I've done some pretty wild stuff in the past that had to be kept in secret.

>>602 (・∀・) Pretty wild stuff? You cheated on Grandma?

( ｀ハ´）Ha! Darkpa III returns, as was foretold in >>410!

( ｀ハ´）Now, Grandpa, where were we?

(・∀・) Not now, Darkpa III! Grandpa was about to spill the beans on his dark and mysterious past! Return in like, >>700+ or so.

( ｀ハ´）His past? He was the first hikkikomori, living in a hut made of dry leaves, using a computer made of twigs! Ha ha.. ha...

>http://www.google.com.tr/search?q=grandpa
>Results 1 - 10 of about 5,930,000 for grandpa [definition]. (0.28 seconds)

(・∀・) Shit grandpa, what the hell did you do??

( ´ω`) Well sonny, I smoke pot. A lot of it. I grow it myself too.

(・∀・) Shit grandpa, you are the only one writing here.

(・Д・;）Don't die on me, Grandpa!

( ´ω`) Anyway, about my past...

( ´ω`) I was a young man, my parents had abandoned me. Fuck them. I didn't need them nor did I need anyone. I got in a lot of trouble...

( ´ω`) It was then I met Darkpa, but back then I called him Vicious. Vicious was always one to run into trouble and we'd always get into adventures and whatnot. We were both the little rascals.

( ｀ハ´）Remember that one time I set that chicks' mailbox on fire?

( ´ω`) Yeah, that was some good times.
(;´ω`) Wait, that was my first girlfriend's mailbox. She was nice. Ass.

( ｀ハ´）Haha.

( ´ω`) Anywho, yes Junior, indeed, me and Vicious used to hang out together. We both, however, had extremely different point of views on life. In the dark, rainy night, countless years ago, Vicious and I had our first real fight...

FLASHBACK FROM NOW ON

( ・ハ・）*Come on young Grandpa, I can kick your ass*

( ・∀・) young grandpa I'd like to see you try, vicious! have at you!!

*素晴らしいチンチンもの
金玉の毛ある
その音はサルボボ
いいえ！忍者がいます
Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する*

──
─────── ― -　--
─── /⌒ヽ　　────────
￣￣　 / ,ﾍ　 　　　　　￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣　　　,　”　'　‐ , 　　　　　　　
￣￣　i　.i　＼ （　・∀・ヽ, 　　___,, __ ＿ ,, - _―" ’.　　'　・,　　’・　　　 　∧＿∧ 　
──　ヽ勿　　ヽ,__＾ 　 j　 i〜""　　　　 ＿ ― ＿: i ∴”_　∵,　　　　　　(　　　　)
＿＿＿＿＿＿ 　 ヽ,,　/　/　__,,, -- "" ─ "ー ・, ；　; - 、・　　 r=-,/⌒　　〜ヽ
───────　 ヽﾉ　ﾉ,イ　　─── ― -　　　　　 　 　　 　i　ｙ 　ﾉ'　ﾉi　j |
───────　 /　/,. 　ヽ, 　──　　　　　　　　　　　　 　　 i,,___ノ　　　/／
＿＿＿＿＿＿ 　 丿 ﾉ　ヽ,__,ﾉ　＿＿＿ ＿　_ _　　　　　 　　 　　,'　　　　ゝi
　　　　　　　　　　 j　 i　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 ／　　　y　ノ
＿＿＿＿＿ 　 　巛i〜　＿＿＿＿ ＿　　　　　　　　　　　　　/ 　　 ／〜／
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　　i　 　<　/
───────　　.　　　　　　　　　

*大切なもの protect my balls
僕が悪い so let's fighting*

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　＿　＿　　　　　.'　　，　．.　∧＿∧
　　　　　　　　　!:＼i:＼ｌ_　- ― ＝￣　￣`:,　.∴　'　　　　　（ 　　　）
　　　　　　　　　,　-''￣　　　　＿＿――＝',　・,‘　ｒ⌒>　 _／ ／
　　　　　　　　／　　　-―　￣￣　　￣"'"　. 　　’ |　ｙ'⌒　　⌒i
　　　　　　　/　　　ノ　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　|　　／　　ノ ｜
　　　　　　/　　, ｲ ）　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　, ー' 　／´ヾ_ﾉ
　　　　 　/　 　_,　＼　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　／　,　　ノ
　　　　 　|　　/ ＼　 `､　　　　　　　　　　　　／　／ ／
　　　　 　ｊ　 /　　ヽ 　|　　　　　　　　　　　／　／　,'
　　　　／　ノ　　　｛ 　|　　　　　　 　　　／　 ／| 　|
　　 ／　／　　　 　|　（_　　　　　　　 　!､＿／ / 　 〉
　　､＿〉　　　　 　ー‐‐　　　　　　　　　　　　|_／

*Let's fighting love...
Let's fighting love...*

( ´ω`) I won the fight, due to my superior fighting skills and catchy music playing in the background.

( ｀ハ´）But in my last moment, I kicked you straight in the balls.

( ´ω`) Yep. You're fortunate to be alive, Junior, because I'd have never had your father if Vicious hit any harder then he did. Unfortunately, I immediately lost the fight after that, and I vowed my revenge on Darkpa. Damn sonofabitch won't die, though, no matter how hard I kick his ass.

( ｀ハ´）Because I've found the 7 DQNballs and asked the mighty BU-N Dragon for immortality. Hahahaha!

( ´ω`) Fag. Anyway, I met my first girlfriend after that. I found myself at a hospital, and this cute nurse was healing up my chinpo...

(・∀・) Grandpa, you're acting a bit hip all of a sudden. It's kind of weird, so stop!

Flashback~

( ・∀・) H-hwaaarg...

(*ﾟーﾟ) Oh! You're finally awake.

( ・∀・) W-where am I?! Where's Vicious?! Ow!

(*ﾟーﾟ) Calm down, your chinpo took some pretty serious damage.

( ・∀・) I swear I'll get him...

now, I never knew it then. but that nurse would change the history of the DQN...

(*ﾟーﾟ) By the way, your chinpo's lovely...

( ・∀・) You think so? Well, I think you're lovely too, madam'.

☆：.｡. .｡.：･゜ﾟ･( ・∀・)(ﾟーﾟ*)：.｡. .｡.：･゜ﾟ･☆
　☆：.｡. .｡.：･゜ﾟ･( ・(　　 )：.｡. .｡.：･゜ﾟ･☆
　　　　　　　　　　　kiss

end flashback

(・∀・) TL;DR IM GOING TO BE SICK GRANDPA!

( ´ω`) Yep, me and that nurse got hitched. She was a special one, as she was the first of my many >>1000 girlfriends, and the first out of >>1000 to get it on. However, it never occured to me what kind of person she truly was. It'd seem she had astronomical powers; those which ascend beyond mine. She created a creature that was the true epitome of all things DQN: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）). From there, she make the gods mona, giko, BU-N, Nida, Oppai Oppai, and all the other crazy characters you see occasionally here. These characters devastated DQN with their own ambitions and rampaged throughout this society.

( ´ω`) I wasn't quite sure what to do with her, until...

　　　.＿＿＿　　　　　　　
　　/　||￣￣||　∧＿∧　　　　
　　| 　||＿＿|| (・∀・) I'm starting a blog for you grandpa.
　　|￣￣＼三⊂/￣￣￣/　　 　　

( ´ω`) Your blogging pushed us off of the front page. Thanks alot, Junior.

(・ω・) Continue your story, grandpa!

(・∀・) Wait! Didn't you say in >>108 that you met grandma on a train?

( ´ω`) You fool, I didn't say that nurse was your grandmother.

( ´ω`) Well, the truth was, I wasn't too fond of these new gods. I just seemed to never get along with them that well.

flashback

(（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) DUuuURUUURRRRR!!
(・ﾄｪｪｪｲ・) Duurrrr!
(（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) UR DOIEN IT WRONG
( ・∀・) Oh shut up, nurupo.
(（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) GA!

（ ´∀｀）Omae mona!
( ・∀・) Oh my mo-nah!
（ ´∀｀）Mitsuki-chan!!
( ・∀・) Meetskey-chan!!
（ ´∀｀）You fail it nurupo.
( ・∀・) NO U

(・∀・) Happy World AIDS Day, grandpa!

( ´ω`) You'd have to worry about that.

( ´ω`) Well, kiddo, I'm done talking about my past for now. I'll probably start talking about it again in Grandpa 3.0. It'll be twice as interesting and full of awesome adventure, but I have to sleep now.

( ´ω`) ZZzZzZzzzzzzzZzzzzz

(・∀・) Grandpa, Grandpa, wake up! There is somebody on the phone, he wants to talk to you and said it's urgent!

　　　 ,一-、　　　　　　 　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　| l ￣ ヽ　　　　　＜　We have gotten the phone number. Tap in.
　　　6-■■　　　　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
　　　 ヽ´∀｀ 　　　　
　　　／|Ｙ/＼　　

flashback

(（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) duuuuurrr...
(（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) duuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrr......
(（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) DUUUUUUuuUUUUUUUuURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

end flashback

　　　　　 　∧ ∧　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　 　 　∩´ω`)＜ Hello? Yes, my refrigerator is running....　
□………(つ　　| 　 ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|

　　　 ,一-、　　　　　　 　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　| l ￣ ヽ　　　　　＜　That idiot... can't even recognize the secret keyphrase anymore...
　　　6-■■　　　　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
　　　 ヽ 　／ 　　　　
　　　／|Ｙ/＼　　

　　　　　 　∧ ∧　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　 　 　∩´ω`)＜ ...hello? ...hello?! ...
□………(つ　　| 　 ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|

　　　　　 　∧ ∧　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　 　 　∩ﾟ∀ﾟ)＜ Oppai! Oppai!
□………(つ　　| 　 ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|

(;・Д・) Grandpa, who is it? The FBI? CIA? DQN?

( ´ω`) No, the DQN would have kept going DUUURRRRRRRRRRRR, this must be Darkpa's doing...

( ´ω`) Sonny, there is something I have tell you... about my past. I was the maker of mew mew project.

Σ(; ° Д ° ) What!? Are you for real, grandpa?

( ・ω・)!

( ´ω`) Yes. I had spent millions of yen on research equipment. And finally found something that I decided to call, kimera anima.

( ｀ハ´）Ha! I heard my name! Clonepa, come over here. I want to talk with you.

( ・ω・) What is it, Darkpa?

( ｀ハ´) Actually, I want to kill you!

( ・ω・;) Oh.

( ｀ハ´) Not even Grandpa's Secret Project can save you! HAAAAAA-

　　　　　　　　　　　　,　ｔ　ｯ､ ､hｒｒ
　　＿＿＿＿　　　　ﾂ　｀ヾ;ll!!li´　`　　　　　二
　 ＼　　　　　￣￣｀""''　-　ヾl!!､､`　　　　　　_ノ　
　　　＼､　　　　　　　　　　　 ｀"' ､i!!､　 　　　　　　　　　　
　　　　 ＼､　　　　　　　　　　　　　ヽハ´)ノ　>>643
　　　　　　ヾ　＿＿　　　　　　　　　　'i　`　　
　　　　　　（"'ヽ　　 "'　､　　　　　　　　i'　　Grandpa: HITEN MITSURUGI RYU:
　　 　　　|ヽ,,,ト､　　 　　 ヽ 　 　 　 　 　l;　RYU SHOU SEN!!
　　　 　ノノﾉω`） 　　 　　 'l　　　　　　　l;
　　（,,_||;;;;;;;;〈/」　　　　　　 i　　　　　　　i'
　　　　　/;;;ｙ;;<　　　　　　 ﾉ　 　 　　 　i'
　　 　／::ヾ;;r､ｯ〜´　 　ノ　　　　　　／
　 　 （,,ﾉ　　ヾ,,,）-=二.,,＿＿,,. -''"

(; ° Д ° ) Grandpa, that's outrageous! What are you doing to Clonepa??!

( ´ω`) Junior, I know "God-speed" Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is beyond you, but I hit Darkpa.

　　　　 ＼､　　　　　　　　　　　　　ヽハ´)ノ　>>643

( ´ω`) See? Right there.

( ・ω・) yeah, i havent done anything anyway.

( ・ω・) yet.

( ・ω・) What was that? .....

　　　 ,一-、　　　　　　 　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　| l ￣ ヽ　　　　　＜　MISTER ANDERSON...
　　　6-■■　　　　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
　　　 ヽ 　／ 　　　　
　　　／|Ｙ/＼　　

(;°Д °) Grandpa! The thread fell off the front page!

( ´ω`) Your complaining isn't helping, Junior.

(・∀・）But we need to keep this thread going, grandpa! It's your legacy!

( ´ω`) Everyone needs a little rest from time to time.

(・ω・) Yes... fall into obscurity!

(・∀・）Grandpa thread resurrection GET!

( ・ω・) Stop that!

　　　 ,一-、　　　　　　 　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　| l ￣ ヽ　　　　　＜　YOU SAW NOTHING TODAY...
　　　6-■■　　　　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
　　　 ヽ 　／ 　　　　
　　　／|Ｙ/＼　　

( ´ω`) I came to this country with nothing but a hammer and a powerful laxative!

(・∀・）Grandpa, did you know that life on Earth depends on Jupiter? It's true.

(・∀・）See, since Jupiter is so big and has such a strong gravitational field, it actually helps prevent some large, life-threatening asteroids, and even the small, high-velocity ones, from crashing into the Earth with its own pull.

(・∀・）Still, everyone once in a while one will get close, but Jupiter is a real friendly and helpful neighbor that way! How about that?

( ´ω`) tl;dr

( ´ω`) But Junior, you're supposed to be completely stupid and ask ME questions in which I would provide that information.

( ´ω`) In fact, I have a question: How old are YOU, Junior?

(・∀・）How old are YOU, Grandpa?

( ・ω・) oO( Grandpa's never going to answer that question...

( ´ω`) Well, Junior, by the way, did you know that today is 3rd International day of the Ninja?

(・∀・）No, but I have a new question! Who were the guys in >>3?

( ´ω`) Our new neighbors. They've kept me up all night with their constant screaming of SAIKAMASAIKAMASAIKAMASAIKAMA.

(・∀・） I think you mean SAITAMA. Oh, and 666 get!

（｀ハ´）Damn! Why do I failed at such a dark GET?

( ´ω`) Your mom.

( ・ー・）Hello dad. Hey, son.

(・∀・）Dad?

( ´ω`) Why, if it isn't my accident of a son!

( ・ー・）I've come to take Junior back home. He's spent way too much time asking you questions, dad.

J(`Д´)し WHAT?!

( ´ω`) Bullshit, you pathetic waste of DNA. He certainly learns more talking to me than he does listening to your idiotic stories.

(・∀・）Grandpa, why are you always mean? You were much kinder in v1.0

( ´ω`) Sorry, sonny boy. It's just that your father and I aren't on the best of terms, and I was worrying that he might try and take you away.

( ´ω`) sniff You love your grandpa, don't you, sonny boy? Don't you want to hear more of my stories?

　　　　　　(・∀・)　Yes, Grandpa, I shall continue to ask questions and nothing will stop me.
　　　　　.ノ^　yヽ、
　　　　　ヽ,,ﾉ==l ﾉ
　　　　　　/ 　l |
"""~""""""~"""~"""~"

　|
　|__∧
　|ー・）　Well, if you want to talk to my dad so much, so be it. But
⊂　　）　I will be back, someday..
　| 　/
　|＿）

　|
　|
　|彡　
　|彡
　|
　|

( ´ω`) Thank god that rancid smell is gone!

(・∀・）Like father, like son!

(-∀-） Why is it that you hate Dad so much anyway?
(・∀・） Without him i wouldn't be sitting here keeping you company y'know.

( ´ω`) That is the reason I hate your dad.

(・∀・） Grandpa, why do so many people want to buy a Xbox 360? The launch titles usually aren't that good anyway.

( ´ω`) Huh?

A what-box? Is this one of your new-fangled record players?

(;・Д・） Grandpa, you've turned invisible!

( ´ω`) O Rly?

　 　 　 　 　 |　　　　　
　 　 　 　 　 |　　　　　
　 　 　 　 　 |　　　　　
　 　 　 　 (・ー・）　that was me... sorry...
　 　 　 　 (∩∩)────────────────
　 　 　 ／
　 　 ／
　 ／

( ´ω`) Who let Hikki in? I thought I banished him from my house. Junior!

(・∀・） That's dad, Grandpa, after a lifetime of no-love from you!

( ´ω`) want some wrinkly lovin'?

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 |　 ,
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ∧＿∧∩⊂⊃
　　　　　　　　　　⊂´⊃ (・∀・）/ , .|
　　　　　　　　　　　　|　!⌒!!⌒!つ ,-=-
　　　　　　 〔〕　　　　||,─、(⌒)─､　| |
　　.∧＿∧|||o　　　（　○ ）（　○　）||.|
　　（ ・ω・)|||　　　／ `ー ´　｀ー-　/へ
　　 （　 つ/|||ゝ　　　　　　　　　 ∩∧＿∧
　　　 >　/ へﾟ> 　　　　　　　　　|（　 ｀ハ´）
　　　し´し´　　　　　　　　　　 ┌┴--っ　）
　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　|　[|≡（＝＝＝◇
　　　　　　　　 ∧＿∧　　　　　`-（＿）~丿
　　　　　　　　（ ´ω`）　　　　　　　 　∪　　
　　　　　　　　 θ､⊂　）
　　　　　　　⊂二(＼/　　　
　　　　　　　　　　 し ＼|／　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　／|　

　 　 　 　 　 |　　　　　
　 　 　 　 　 |　　　　　
　 　 　 　 　 |　　　　　
　 　 　 　 (・ー・）　ummm...
　 　 　 　 (∩∩)────────────────
　 　 　 ／
　 　 ／
　 ／

(・∀・）What was it like being a rock star, Grandpa?

( ´ω`) It rocked, junior.

(・∀・）Grandpa what do you think of David Bowie?

( ´ω`) Didn't he do that Faggy Starslut concept album or something like that?

(・∀・）He played guitar, jamming good with Weird and Gilly, and The Spiders From Mars, Grandpa!

( ´ω`) The only musician I respect is GG Allin. He was hardcore.

(・∀・）Grandpa, how do you do that Voo Doo that you do so well?

( ´ω`) That's a family secret, sonny.

(・∀・） I'm family! Can't you tell me?

( ´ω`) ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BEAN FOOTAGE!

　　　　(⌒ヽ、　　　　　　　　　　　　　　（⌒ヽ、　 　 　 ――――　○
　　　（　　　　　）　　　　 ,　⌒ヽ　　　　(　　　　）　　　　　 　 　 ／/ |　＼
　　　ゝ　　　　　ヽ　　　（ 　　　.'　　　（　　　　　 　 ヽ⌒ヽ..　／　/　|　 　＼
　（　　　　　　　　　）　　ゝ　　　　｀ヽ(　　　　　　　　　 　 　）　　　 　|
　　ゝ　　　　　　　 ｀ヽ,(　　　 (　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　｀ヽ
　（　　　　　　　　　　　　）　　　　）

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Grandpa: Junior, we're outside.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　We must be dreaming...

　　　　　　　　 　 　 　( ´ω`)○○　　 （・∀・ ）
,.,.,.,.,　　（○）""'（○） '　（○）　　'''''""""'''''' ;..""　:,;:;;"""
.,.,.,,,,.（○）（○）（○）○） ,,o|〃""' '　　　'''''""""'''''' 　,;:;;..:;;:
''''""ヽ|〃ヽ|〃（○） |〃ヽ|〃""' '　　,;:;;..,,　　'''''""""'''''' 　　　　''''""~""'
''''""（○）（○）　（○）○）　（○）（○）'''''""""'''''' ,;:;;..,,　　'''''""""''''''
''''""ヽ|〃ヽ|〃　ヽ|〃ヽ|〃 ヽ|〃ヽ|〃,;:;;..,,　　''

(・∀・）Wake up, Grandpa! I've go something to show you! Remember J-bot? I recharged him and plugged him into the wall, so he'll last longer.

|・＿・| HELLO-GRANDPA-UNIT. ACTIVATING-INTERFACE.