Legend of DQN (401)

1 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4462 20:47 [no]

Once a upon a time there was a....

201 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4474 23:13 [no]

"Hey guys, what's going on in this Man Train", Nevada asked. W.T. Snacks replied

202 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4474 23:16 [no]

"Why the fuck are you back again?", totally ignoring her nonsensical statement.

203 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4474 23:24 [no]

W.T. Snacks stuffed Nevada into the fire of the steam locomotive. Her moe power provided it with energy for all eternity, and she never left it.

204 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 01:17 [no]

That is, she didn't leave until that fateful day when...

205 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 12:31 [no]

she slit cracky-chan's throat to power the fountain of eternal youth.

206 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 14:55 [no]

..killing herself in the process.

207 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 15:52 [no]

ZA ENDO.

Of Part I.

208 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 16:35 [no]

= insert commercials here =

209 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 18:26 [no]

In the area on the lunar surface called "The Sea of Dreams", Thock was slowly boozing himself up. He was

210 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 18:28 [no]

celebrating the return of the eternal chicken getting liquored up and passing out, a ritual among his people.

211 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 20:24 [no]

Unconsciousness just wouldn't come though. Not even the huge joint protruding from his right nostril and rubbing against the visor of his space suit was helping.

212 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 20:31 [no]

He got a brilliant idea. "If I remove this suit, I can

213 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 20:38 [no]

can see the breathing of the universe. It was starting to kick in just one more brew and he could finally...

214 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 21:13 [no]

know the meaning of

215 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 21:24 [no]

embracing the Eternal Chicken.

216 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 22:07 [no]

Then the explosive decompression caused

217 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 22:13 [no]

him to warp to the land of our original heroes.

218 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4475 22:21 [no]

There he met Val Halen, The Viking God of Rock with his mighty Axe.

219 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 06:14 [no]

The 40-story tall Van Halen leaned over and gave him

220 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 07:59 [no]

piss enema.

221 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 08:39 [no]

When Thock woke up he laying in a puddle of his own puke. His bones ached. He looked at the landscape of empty bottles. That's right last night was the festival celebrating the Eternal Chicken. "Maybe I should call in sick to work," Thock thought.

222 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 12:45 [no]

But the Viking God of Rock was still there, wielding his axe with deafening power. The sound was too powerful for Thock's eardrums, and he passed out again. He

223 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 15:20 [no]

woke up again, since it was a dream inside a dream. He looked around and noticed that

224 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 16:03 [no]

the Viking God of Rock was still there, wielding his axe with deafening power.

225 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 17:11 [no]

"Who am I" he though. That would be helpful for the readers too.

226 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 19:26 [no]

Thock thought hard:

  1. I come from the moon.
  2. I worship the Eternal Chicken and the Val Halen, Viking God of Rock
  3. I'm dreaming
  4. I use any excuse to drink, like worshiping the Eternal Chicken.
  5. I can taste the Rock flowing from Val Halens Mighty Axe
  6. What was the question...?

227 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 19:41 [no]

At this exact moment, Time paradoxed, and Snake came to the scene, walking in a cardboard box. He folded carefully his box, then approched the Viking God of Rock, Van Halen, and said:

228 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 19:51 [no]

"Lettuce, tomato, special sauce, all on a seseme seed bun."

229 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 19:54 [no]

Val Halen rasied his Might Axe and smote Snake leaving a smoldering pile of ash. With a thunderous voice Val Halen Spoke; "You forgot the pickles."

230 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4476 23:28 [no]

"...the pickles!" echoed Thock. "That's it! That's the meaning of

231 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 02:25 [no]

the Eternal Chicken", he said, finally understanding what was going on. The Eternal Chicken was actually the guardian of the Pickles, and he knew that to appease the Viking God of Rock, he had to pray the Eternal Chicken to give pickles to the Viking God of Rock.
To get his prayer heard,

232 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 07:32 [no]

he had to climb the highest mountian and peform the dance of the corn. For the ritual he needed to bring...

233 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 09:10 [no]

BFG9000 and

234 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 10:43 [no]

a salad fork

235 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 10:59 [no]

, both items which could be bought from the convenience store nearby. Unfortunately, he had no money with him, so

236 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 14:20 [no]

he attempted to loot Snake's corpse, but

237 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 15:23 [no]

he couldn't. It was too disgusting for him. So he decided to pull the required items out of his ass.

238 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 16:18 [no]

But instead of the required items, out came He-Man, a bodybuilder almost a trillion years old.

239 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 18:04 [no]

He tried robbing him instead, but

240 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 18:15 [no]

He-Man put an end to his virginity.

241 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 19:31 [no]

Feeling liberated, Thock turned against the chicken. With He-Man by his side, he

242 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 20:48 [no]

put an end to the chicken's virginity.

243 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4477 23:03 [no]

The thread was getting really disgusting and senseless when suddenly

244 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4478 00:13 [no]

the chicken put an end to He-Man's virginity.

245 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4478 03:40 [no]

While the Viking God of Rock sucked suggestively his Mighty Axe.

246 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4478 08:08 [no]

This axe, of course, was almost as large as Albright's massive tool.

247 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 00:46 [no]

When Thock finally awoke his head was killing him. I had some kind of f'ed up dream but I can't remember what it was about. Thock was sure a bout two things: 1. He was truly awake, the massive hangover was proof of that and 2. He was better off NEVER trying to remember >>220-246

END OF CHAPTER II

248 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 01:14 [no]

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249 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 01:31 [no]

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250 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 02:12 [no]

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251 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 02:49 [no]

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252 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 03:15 [no]

PART III

253 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 03:19 [no]

The 15 18-yo Wakaba-chan sat in her office, surrounded by closed Venetian blinds. Reports had been trickling in about something called

254 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 03:20 [no]

Princess Maker 2.

255 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 03:57 [no]

It had killed 3. Only one person had survived it's brutal attacks, and that person was

256 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 04:33 [no]

George Washington

257 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 06:02 [no]

's nympho mistress.

258 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 06:42 [no]

Wakaba-chan told her secretary, Nihilanthic, to bring in some coffee with DQN and PCP in it. After the first sip

259 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 07:16 [no]

she recoiled in horror. "What did you

260 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 08:08 [no]

" and she collapsed before she could finish her sentence. When she woke up

261 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 12:50 [no]

Freddy Mercury was standing in front of her

262 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 14:45 [no]

with the rumored Princess Maker 2. He

263 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 15:26 [no]

sang a song about friendship while showing the rumored Princess Maker 2, then told her: "Follow me. We

264 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 15:35 [no]

will we will rock you."

265 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 16:51 [no]

Wakaba-chan, unable to control her bodily functions,

266 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 18:17 [no]

crashed the car into a wall... again.

267 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 19:06 [no]

She actually didn't notice she was in a car until now. How could it be possible to wake up in a car? She tried hard to understand the situation. Freddy Mercury helped her to get out from the car, completely ignoring the crash, explaining how they would rock her. Wakaba-chan grabed his left hand, his right one still containing the rumored Princess Maker 2. They walked towards

268 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 20:44 [no]

the road, not realizing that they didn't cast a shadow anymore.

269 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 21:50 [no]

Suddenly, Freddie Mercury emerged and killed Freddy swiftly. He instantly took the role of Freddy and they continued walking.

270 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4479 22:30 [no]

Wakaba-chan, of course, didn't notice until it was too late.

271 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 00:56 [no]

But that wasn't what mattered. What DID matter was that the rumored Princess Maker 2 was now free, and was slowly

272 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 03:21 [no]

spreading gay porn to all the

273 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 03:23 [no]

remaining W.T. Snacks clones. "nan desu ka?" said Freddie, as he

274 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 03:30 [no]

removed his chastity belt. Then he began to

275 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 05:35 [no]

rock stuff.

276 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 08:28 [no]

The rocking created lots of bloody heads and purple limbs.

277 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 12:27 [no]

Suddenly, Freddie died of the sudden and lethal disease testalgia. Wakaba-chan, as mentioned above, didn't notice until it was too late. Wakaba-chan was left alone in a sea of

278 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 16:50 [no]

W.T. Snacks clones

279 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 17:17 [no]

led by Princess Maker 2. "Why?" asked

280 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 19:57 [no]

MY BIG JUCY COCK

281 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 20:19 [no]

Which was odd because we agreed to never bring up the Eternal Chicken again.

282 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 21:28 [no]

But I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight. However, not everyone

283 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 22:25 [no]

feels like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight.

284 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 22:44 [no]

Those people tend to trust the Gorton's Fisherman.

285 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 22:47 [no]

It's thanks to these people that Wakaba was saved. They

286 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 22:56 [no]

called Kareha-nee, who

287 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4480 23:03 [no]

led them to a very fishy victory.

288 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 00:15 [no]

Unfortunately, the fish was tainted, and everyone

289 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 02:04 [no]

died badly, collapsing into a heap on the floor. Or so it seemed until

290 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 02:29 [no]

Freddie got back up, leaving the rest for dead.

291 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 02:41 [no]

But the rest weren't dead, they were just incapacitated by the

292 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 02:47 [no]

= END OF PART III =

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293 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 02:48 [no]

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294 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 03:11 [no]

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295 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 03:28 [no]

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296 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 03:45 [no]

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297 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 03:46 [no]

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298 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 04:15 [no]

And now back to our 2-part special episode of "Legend of DQN"!

Anyways, the rest weren't dead, they were just incapacitated by the

299 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 04:46 [no]

excessive tentacle pr0n. Fortunately, one of them

300 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4481 05:46 [no]

shouted "Surprise! 300GET", to rub in the audience's face the fact that their fake death was only a stupid plot device.

= PART 4 =

It was a dark and stormy night, and W.T. Snacks

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