( LΦ`) hello again, kids!
( LΦ`) ...so then I put on the Iridium Crown, declared myself Emperor and then hauled ass outta there. My little prank tore down the whole 3rd Imperium, Junior. What do you think the moral of this story is?
(EΝE)!!!? Wait what?
( LΦ`) Junior, pay attention! It's not like my stories have scroll up and down features....
( LΦ`) ....
( LΦ`)
@ @@@ Θ__Θ@ Ώ
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@@@@@@@
( LΦ`)
(EΝE)
))DE;)
( LΦ`)
(EΝE)
(EΝE) I hate awkward silences.
( LΦ`)
( LΦ`) Let's go 488 by awkward silence!
( LΦ`)
(EΝE) So I take it you assassinated Emperor Strephon? That was mean.
( LΦ`) I had to. The third imperium was getting so stagnant and boring...
( LΦ`) zzzzzzzzzzz
( LίΦί`) All of a sudden, I'm famished. Who do we have to eat around here, Junior?
(EΝE ) I'm outta here!
(LίΦί`) brains
i@EΝEj My name is Squeeks and Junior has asked me to replace him for a while!
(LίΦί`) Is that desert I smell behind your eyes?
i@EΝEj Of course. I'm filled with squeeksand. Now go away and learn to spell.
(LίΦί`) ...brai-
(ΦLO
ΦL) wurblewurblewurblewurble
( LΦ`) Where did I just go?
(EΝE) Jimminy jillickers! A stunning new plot development, Grandpa!
( LΦ`) Don't get smart with me, young man.
(EΝE) AH YEU OKAY?!?
( LΦ`) Wha-
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(LίΦί`) brains
(EΝE) GET SEE RAHS!
( LΦ`) Questions, questions!
(EΝE) Okay. You ask, I answer.
( LΦ`) Is it still World War II?
(EΝE) Nope grandpa, just shitty posts again, calm down.
( LΦ`) Back in my day we didn't have these newfangled anonymous message boards! We had to register a handle before posting!
( LΦ`) And we liked it that way! People were friendly, too. Just like that nice boy, winter, on http://becauseitswinter.com
(EΝE) Grandpa, I read To Kill A Mockingbird, but it has nothing to do with Mockingbirds at all! Just people with weird names like Scout and Atticus and this black guy who was accused of rape. I mean, what the heck, you know?
( LΦ`) You know, I learned to read with "Fun With Dick and Jane".
It was ANYTHING but fun. It's a miracle I still crack the books.
(EΝE) black guy who was accused of rape.
(EΝE) black guy accused of rape.
( LΦ`) It's not your Gramma, it's your Grammar.
( ί ί) http://www.habbo.com/ !
(EΝE) I'm starting to become sexually attracted to you, Grandpa. Is this normal?
( LΦ`) You're starting to piss off your Grandpa, Junior. So much that I'll purposely have a heart attack to stop these threads once and for all.
(EΝE) Won't work. You've died a few times already, but we're still going.
( LΦ`) And this is my fourth heart. That doesn't mean it can't break.
( LΦ`) ...
( LΦ`) Damn you, Natumi.
(EΝE) Y'see, Grandpa, DARKNESS is the heart's TRUE essence..
(`EΝEL) And KINGDOM HEARTS will fill me with all the powers of DARKNESS!
( LΦ`) What.
( LΦ`) No grandchild of mine is going to grow up to be a dumbass yaoi fanboy. Somebody find my belt, I've got some whipping to do.
(EΝE) Oh, sorry Grandpa. How about this:
(EΝE) Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
( LΦ`) It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh! I was called here by HUMANS who wish to pay ME tribute!
(EΝE) This discussion board is dying grandpa. People visiting leave since they can only see boxes instead of us.
( LΦ`) You just ruined the quote and failed, as usual.
( LΦ`) Besides that, it's YOUR job to fix this place up.
(EΝE) IT TOOK ME 100 MINUTES TO THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY!
(EΝE) Grandpa, I like Uranus!
(EΝE) Grandpa, pity post.
( LΦ`) I don't want anyone's pity, least of all yours. Now get back to the garage, punk.
(EΝE) Grandpa, what was the Industrial Revolution like?
( LΦ`) It was the good old days, when I could have sold you for child labor and pocketted your meager salary. Nowadays, having kids makes you operate at a loss.
(EΝE) Grandpa, you want me to slave labor??
( LΦ`) Of course not! Slaves don't earn any wages that I can pocket.
(EΝE) Grandpa, what were the prehistoric times like?
( LΦ`) I wouldn't remember; my memories only date back to the Mittens era.
(EΝE) Grandpa, tell me about mittens in history!
( LΦ`) Well, long ago, before the coming of the Moon and we all lived in the forest, we cowered in fear from the packs of ravenous mittens.
( ί oί) ...
( LΦ`) Yes, dear. Once mittens hunted man. The most dangerous was the northern Kodiak mitten, which could squeeze a man so hard his head would pop right off. Fortunately, man created the Unraveler by adding thorns to the thighbone of an antelope. The fierce giant mittens never had a chance after that.
(EΝE) Wow.
( LΦ`) They still hunt them in Norway and Sweden. I'm wearing a sweater made from one right now!
( ί ί) I like sweaters!
(EΝE) V neck or turtle neck?
( LΦ`) Cow Neck. It keeps the chilly air from touching my nape, Junior. Did you know that your nape was the most tasty part of your entire body? The mittens knew this, and would always attack from behind... and you'd never hear them coming.
(EΝE) Grandpa! This subject is getting boring. You are beating a dead horse here.
( LΦ`) It is said that the native americans used every part of the mitten, but the truth is that they'd unravel them indiscriminately and leave most of the yarn for the scavengers.
(EΝE) ENOUGH ABOUT THE MITTENS!
( ί -ί) ...
(ί- ί ) I don't like you any more, Junior.
(EΝE) Wait! Come back!!
( LΦ`) Let her go. It's not like you were going to get any anyway.
(EΝE) That's kinda mean, Grandpa. We were pretty friendly!
( LΦ`) Junior, you are so in the Friend Zone with her.
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@@@@@@@@@@@ΘΘ
@@@@@@@@@@(EΝE)@@I just had the craziest dream Grandpa!
@@@@@@@@@Q|@½^(QQ_ In it, Mittens left me :'(
@@@@@@@^@€-(QQQ_^
@@@@@@@PPPPPPP
@@@@@@@@@`````````````
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@B
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@@@@@@@@@@@ΘΘ
@@@@@@@@@@(ί- ί )@@I just had a dream where my head was on backwa--
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@@@@@@@@@@`````````````
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@@@@@@@@@@( LΦ`)@@I just had the craziest dream Junior!
@@@@@@@@@Q|@½^(QQ_ In it, you thought this was the "ITT,
@@@@@@@^@€-(QQQ_^@@we ponder the previous post" thread.
@@@@@@@PPPPPPP
( LΦ`) So anyway, we used to only get about three hours of sleep a night. It took three hours to walk to and from school uphill both ways, and we lived in a coverless shoebox in the middle of the highway.
(EΝE) Do we go to Hell if we tell lies?
( LΦ`) Junior, you can't go to Hell, because there is no Hell. The worst that would happen is that you'd go to France.
(EΝE) I heard that Hell is the place where all the hot sinful babes go. Is that in France?
( LΦ`) Yes, but they never bathe. Think you can handle that, Junior? Go right on sinning your little head off.
( LΦ`) Also the women there are not like you think, they are feminists.
(EΝE) How do you know all that? Have you been in France, Grandpa?
( LΦ`) I was sentenced to France after killing a man in cold blood, Junior. This was before cruel and unusual punishments were outlawed by those sissypants flaming liberals.
(EΝE) Was the moon landing real, Grandpa?
( LΦ`) The moon landing was real, Junior, but the discovery of the new world was staged on a bollywood back lot.
(EΝE) So North America...
( LΦ`) ...doesn't really exist.
(EΝE) Grandpa, please don't continue my lines like that. It's kinda...
( LΦ`) ...creepy?
(EΝE) No, the other thing...
( LΦ`) Lovable?
(EΝE) Wait, North America doesn't exist?
( LΦ`) Never did, Junior.
(EΝE) And France?
( LΦ`) France what?
(EΝE) Grandpa, how'd you get to be so knowledgable?
( LΦ`) It's easy when you're jesus lol.