>>2
contact lenses are for you. or lasic? maybe a lorgnette? monocle? two monocles (binocle)? pince-nez? rimless glasses? the options are legion.
Oh man, if you went hardcore 1910 on our asses and got a pince-nez with a choker collar, monumental moustache and a "wickedly short" kurtka to go with it, I'm quite convinced you'd make it into the pantheon of net-cultural heroes.