Well, I am 13 years old. Last year at my old school there were a bunch of kids like i'd say a group of 3- 4 people who teased me THROUGHOUT my year. Everyday i took it , i never ever defended myself never told anyone i kept it all inside. I tried my hardest to be someone else and to become friends with these people so that they would not tease me. Still , they critisised me. I can remember people who would stare at me and say "Ew..you are SO ugly"..and then the whole group would laugh at me .. let me remind you these are the people i thought of as FRIENDS. They would always talk about my fingers, my nose, my face .. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.
I tried to start looking better for them, i got a new hairstlye, and guys even started complementing me but as i sat there in class...this ONE girl looked back at me when i was feeling soo much better about myself and she sed "ew...do you have a mustache?" and they began to laugh at me. I bottled up all this anger i had inside. I keep in my anger. Every night i cried in my bed..like 3 am i would be up thinking about how much they made fun of me and i would cryy i prayed to god and asked him for them to just LEAVE ME ALONE. I prayed that i would not be so ugly when i grow up and how much i wanted to look like my older sister.
At times , I thought about suicide but all I could think about was my mother and how much it would KILL her inside to see me gone. I watched as my grandmother (her mom) struggled with cancer and then later died and i saw the pain my mother was put through. So , I never went through with suicide.
I am no longer in that school but everyday I can't stop thinking about how much they put me through. I couldnt look in the mirror without crying about how ugly i was. I still have NO SELF-ESTEEM whatsoever. I don't know what to do about this. Nobody that i know would ever imagine that i have this inside. I need help, I keep in my anger and I think one day im just going to BLOW and im going to regret it. I have never ever told anyone here about this but its always on my mind.
So right now, im asking YOU to help me how can i build my self-esteem? how can i defend myself? what is there to do about this is there anywhere i can go without anybody knowing to try to seek therapy or something like that? I cant help but see the negative in me i no longer can see the positives...so im in need of HELP..thanx in advance
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