I went straight for the animation section in hopes of finding the newest Prince Picha Picha tape, but unfortunately found the aisle littered with shit like Yuko Hiba and Haldi Daldi Sucking a Penis. I go up to the stock grunt that's in the aisle over and ask him why there are adult anime videos taking up space in a family video store. He tells me to lower my voice, and I tell him not to disrespect me like that again. He tells me that if I talk back to him he'll have me thrown out of the store because he's the manager, so I lower my sunglasses, look him in the eye and say "I guess you'll have to MANAGE this" and hit him with a flurry of dragon punches straight in his gut. Then I grab him by his collar and lift him straight up in the air and ask him where the Kimba the White Lion tapes are, he says love you man, i had my man back there trigger the silent alarm. "I may not be a lion, but hear my roar" and I throw him 20 feet in front of me into the cash register, "You're due back in six days". Three of his employees come running out of the back room with nunchucks in their hands and I jump up on the counter, latch onto the ceiling lights and twist their necks with my dangling legs "Heh, talk about a light fixture". I leave the store, hop into my red camaro, and blaze off into the sunset as Moni Hima's Chiba Chiba Surprise plays on the radio.
2
whatever. tl;dr. as expected.
This is why DQN is worth reading.
>>3 Perhaps you should post in 4chan's /b/, good sir. Your immeasurable wit and love for toddlers would be better appreciated there.
this story starts out well but the lack of conclusive ejaculation spoils it
tl;dr
Well, the other day I walk in to buy some tissues, and at the counter, I hear the manager talking about some skateboard punks in the back by the garbage bins. The guy said he was about to have to call the cops. I told him there's no need to, I'll take care of it myself. So, I walked to the back of the store, and lo and behold, a couple of good for nothings were tearing the place up. A couple of them asked me what I was doing here, so I took of my shades, looked them straight in eye, and said, " Well boys, I'm here to take out the trash, then I grabed one of their skateboards, and broke it over my knee. Then, one of them threw a punch at me. I caught it, and looked thr punk straight in the eye, and said " I'm afraid theres no need for you to be recycled, then I threw him straight over my head into one of the garbage dumpsters. Then, the rest of the kids ran away in fear. I was glad I could help my community, and look good doing it.
So, I bought a couple of dvds off some web site a few weeks ago and I was pretty upset they haven't come in the mail already. So today I stuck around the house until the mailman came, he brought me a package but it wasn't the dvds I was waiting for. I asked him what the problem was and he told me that he had no control over when the company sends me the dvds. He said I should try to contact them. That did it. I couldn't belive this guy, I pay my taxes and this guy thinks he has the right to sass me in front of my euro mansion, in my freaking driveway? I lifted up my shades, took the cigar out of my mouth, looked him straight in the eye and said " I'm afraid this package is marked return to sender", and then I threw the package in the air and sidekicked the package right into the guys face causing teeth to go everywhere. I then saw one of my ederly neighbors walking toward me so I assumed he wanted trouble as well so I gave him a swift round kick to the ribs, I then looked at him and said "time to take out the garbage" and hip tossed him into the garbage can. I then picked up the crying mailman and threw him into the garbage can, after I had my "garbage collected", I picked up the garbage can and said "let the good times roll" and threw the garbage can down the hill. I didn't see those two guys again but I don't really care, I took the mailbag and threw it in my fireplace since it was a little chilly here today.
hey that last post isn't bad. but we need more oneliners.
yeah man, tl;dr
never
tl;dr learn to write moron.
I enjoyed it
lol
I was in town with one of my girlfriends today, and I decided to play one of those scratch off games again, I was very suprised when I won 1 million dollars on the spot, this was like the second time I won the lottery. I was about to claim my prize but then I thought to myself I'm already rich why not have some fun with this one? I told my girlfriend I was tired of her already so I left her at the gas station and went to find me some poor suckers. What better place than wal mart? I went up and down the aisles until I found a bad dressed man and wife along with their kid. I went up to the guy and showed the guy the ticket, and told him since I didnt need the money I was going to give it to him and his family, when he started to tear up I tore up the ticket and threw the pieces on the ground. I then started to walk away but this spinless punk then took a swing at me when my back was turned. That did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "feeling lucky". I then gave him a swift kick in the ribs and threw him into the pet section, I then caught a wal mart guy coming at me so I took a knife out of my jacket and threw it toward a chain holding up a sign, I then looked at the guy and said "watch out for falling prices" and then the sign fell on him and knocked him out. I left the store but not before I complained to the manager about the kind of people they let in there.
>"watch out for falling prices"
nice one.
I LICK ASS
nice to know.
So, I was at work yesterday, and I happened to walk by this guy's desk. I noticed on his computer screen that he had his personal E-mails pulled up. I asked him who he thought he was to do this on company time, and then, he told me that his daughter was sick at home, so he was checking up on her. I then punched his computer screen out, and Look him straight in the eye and said, " Who do you think I am? Jerry Lewis? I dont want to hear your sob story, so get back to work before I get you fired." He then said a few cusswords, and then, then He tried to punch me, I blocked it, then , I gave him a swift, round kick to the groin. I asked him if he wanted some more, and he came at me, again, so, I slapped him, then I hip tossed him into the nearest filing cabinent. I looked Over my should at anther worker who was standing near by, and I said...." File him under G..... for garbage." Needless to say, I was quite pleased, because now, that means there one less person in the company for people to look at. All eyes should be on me. I kick ass.
>>19
how'd you do all that with your sunglasses on!
So I'm sitting at my xterm in KDE hacking some kernel code, and this bitch comes up to me and says "Do you know which of these computers runs Windows?" Well that did it. I flipped up my shades and looked her straight in the eye and said "Fuck no I'm open source bitch". I picked up my 10 lb IBM Model M keyboard and said "I can kick your ass at 120wpm" and broke it over the cunt's head. She dropped to her knees and I kicked the jewel case out of her hand and into her teeth. Next I grabbed her by the neck and said "How's your uptime" before suplexing her backward through the air and into the server room. Some smoke that smelled like burning hair started to drift out so I jumped on my razor scooter and rode off into the sunset.