ITT we try and kill the poster below us, but they escape! (138)

1 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4932 05:30

The rules are simple: plot the demise of the next poster. Then whoever posts must think up a way out of it and plot the demise of the next poster. And so on.

Ah-ha! Now that >>2 is in that barrel rushing towards Niagra Falls, I can take over the world without his continual interference!

2 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4932 05:45

I escape by eating a bunch of meat and becoming fat enough to break the barrel and swim to safety.

>>3, who coordinated the barrel attack with >>1, will commit ritual suicide because of his failure to kill me.

3 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4932 08:05

Luckily, I was talked out of it at the last minute by the good people at 1-800-DONT-CUT!

>>4, as soon as I flip this switch, you'll drop into my pit of deadly vipers, and I shall be free to release my supervirus onto Earth from my moonbase!

4 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4932 10:03

Thank goodness, because at the very last minute your wife, whom I have recently seduced and turned from her evil ways using my rougish good looks and English charm, stabs you from behind and lets me down. We then launch the supervirus missile directly at the sun, set your moonbase nuclear power core to 'self-destruct', and escape to the ISS in your own personal space-yatch. KABLOOWIE!

On the way out, we grab your evil assistant, >>5, who we know was the brains behind the operation, and shove him in an airlock on the space yatch. Now, >>5, I'm going to release the outer hatch, and you'll be blown out into the depths of space!

5 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4932 11:21

But fortunately, I was sucked in by the Infinite Improbability Drive of another passing space-yacht, and am now living a life of luxury as the President of the Universe's personal boytoy!

Unfortunately my fluffy companion >>6, who is now a bowl of petunias falling through the upper atmosphere of a distant planet, had no such luck.

6 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4932 12:51

Fortunately, I'm a very sturdy bowl. And hey, look! Somebody is passing right below me.

Look out below, >>7!

7 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4932 13:13

Thanks to my new whale skills, I can swim through air! I think ill call it air... It feels so... airlike..

>>8 should watch out for the gigantic splash I make from landing in the ocean right next to him though.

8 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 07:20

Luckily a huge green fierce snake bars his way in the nick of time.

However, I will nevertheless carry out my fiendish plan to crack a fart joke so furiously noxious, >>9 will retch so hard his spine will come out through his nose.

9 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 07:49

But I happen to be a spineless coward so I easily evade the smelly attack.

Due to my rubbery torso I can twist myself into a spiral coil that suddenly releases all its pent-up energy, flinging my body with deadly accuracy and velocity at >>10

10 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 09:23

I try to avoid >>9, but my sad, pathetic body cannot move in time, and I die.

You see, >>11? This is why we can't have nice things.

11 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 11:02

Apparently I have no schemes to avoid. Thanks >>10!

This gives me time to work on tying >>12 to the minute hand of the town clocktower, so that as it passes 00:15, and goes round to 00:25, >>12 will slip off, and plummet to his or her death! How do you like that, >>12?

12 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 13:44

Thankfully, kind rescue workers were able to save at 00:24. That was really close!

However, I am not so kind. I gleefully push >>13 off of the ladder, and to his doom.

13 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 15:41

Luckily a wagon full of matresses was right below the ladder at the time, and I landed comfortably.

I then whip out my gun and shoot >>14, my life-long enemy.

14 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 16:46

I fall to the ground, but as you come over to investigate, >>13, I leap up and kick you in the face. The lid of a iron stove makes for a rather good piece of body armor, wouldn't you agree?

Now I have to go back in time and kill >15's mother before he was born, just to be sure he dies! (er, never lives.)

15 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 17:09

Unfortunately your travelling back in time resulted in the creation of a timeline separate from ours where you suddenly pop into existence in the middle of something else. For us back here though, it just looks like you vanished for good.

Thankfully that inept time traveller's doomsday laboratory contained a death ray, which I shall use to shoot >>16 in the back in a dark alley! (Yes, a gun would've done, but an impractical death ray has that much more flair.)

16 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 20:49

Too bad, the death ray jammed. That tends to happen with fancy-shmancy "space age" technology.

Fortunately, my trusty old knife has been my best friend for decades, and I am sure it will work quite well for stabbing >>17 here.

17 Name: ⊂二二二（ ＾ω＾）二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4933 23:06

Sadly, your decades old knife is hindered by your decades old unskilled use in it, and you miss horribly, falling to your death off a cliff. :(

I've got a good old trained white tiger here to take care of >>18

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