As it turns out, I was rescued from the discarded condom by one of >>73's mom's zealous friends, who impregnated herself with what would become one half of my genetic makeup.

My terrible upbringing with a single utterly bonkers mother has, however, left me with an inexplicable rage towards those who've slain literally billions of my brothers and sisters in potentia. To that end, I've been poisoning the world's hand lotion supply with quicksilver, so that >>75 (who's famous for never having had "contact" with anyone but himself) would meet a sick, sad end in an insane asylum.