(Posted in from a forum thread elsewhere; people might know who I am, but I'm keeping this anon just because)
Okay, people, I need some real input and advice.
My girlfriend is 19, I'm 23 in a month. I'm about to move out of my parents' house in with new roommates about 20 minutes away, closer to my job, my gym, my doctor and dentist, everything. It's a big life change.
I've also come to the realization that I am no longer in love with my girlfriend.
We've been going out since March '04, we have tons in common, she's attractive, she's fun to be around. But she has so many emotional issues that built up after so much time. She's very negative when things go wrong, she has a body image complex that needs serious professional attention, she has medical problems that she doesn't get looked at, and she generally is taking me down with her.
The thing is, we have Otakon next month. We're in a panel together, in a sketch together, sharing a room... I just can't do this. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place: do I break up with her now and basically most likely torpedo all of Otakon? Or do I put on a facade, have the con happen, and basically continue in a lie?
I respect her as a human being and would like to be on speaking terms after all this is over, if at all possible, but I want for her to realize that she and I are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. Simply put, my life is moving too far forward and hers is moving too far backward. I can't do this anymore. Being a single otaku is such a stereotype, but I frankly can't do this anymore. I just can't.
Guys out there, my advice: avoid the L-word until you've spent at least a year going out with someone. Even if she's an otaku too, you can always do better...
What should I do? This is such a huge burden to be pregnant with... she's completely unaware of how I feel, even though I express to her that she hasn't changed or done anything good for herself throughout the course of our relationship...
Here's what potentially will happen if I break up with her before Otakon:
-Five people will be set adrift, trying to find hotel rooms, and none of them are 21, which is the minimum age to get a hotel room.
-The sketch that we've been working on is toast.
-Our costumes are toast, unless she continues independently with hers.
-She will not be on my Japanese Politics in Anime panel.
-She will have to find her own ride.
These are all if we're on non-speaking terms. I'm hoping that if this happens soon (Which it most likely will, since I hate lying as well) she and I will be at least friendshippy enough to make less suck happening.
I hope. :-/
I also stand to lose some great friends over this... her younger brother and sister are the siblings I never had, and we have a lot of mutual friends. I'm going to run this past the closest mutual friend we have to see if I'd be the bane of all existence, but frankly, most of them live far enough away that I'd only see them at cons. :-/
> continue in a lie?
Life is filled with white lies and convenient omissions. Get used to it; it's much more difficult otherwise.
So, what's the problem? If this is all about you "falling out of love", reality calls: most relationships lose their luster and emotional highs pretty quick. If you can't stand the sight of her, that's another story.
Since your actions are affecting others, go to the otakon. Postpone your move until then as well. When it's finished, decide what to do. Moving can be a good way to wind a relationship down without badly hurting the other party, particularly if you suddenly become too busy to pay her any attention.
> and she generally is taking me down with her
Oh, the teenage angst. She's taking you down, maaaan!
Sorry to be sharp, but this is the kind of stuff I had to listen to my friends groan about in highschool. It's pretty juvenile.
Yeah dude. Don't be a bitch. Just grin and bear it.