Well, for starters, I just turned 18. And turning 18 is supposed to be the point in your life where everything really gets started. You've become an adult, you go to college, or you get a job... You at least do something, but I don't see myself doing something.

Saying that I'm just not a very social person would be a nice way of putting it, but it's more than that... I'm really terrible around people. In pretty much every situation where I encounter a human being who is'nt myself, I'm more than a little inadequate to say the least.

I've practically reached shut-in status right now. It's probably been at least a month, maybe more, since I last left the house to do anything. And even when I actually do leave the house, it's very umcomfortable for me. Even walking a couple blocks can seem overwhelming. It's really difficult for me... I worry about every little mannerism of mine, and I always kinda think that people are noticing them, thinking about what a total loser I am. So I nit-pick whatever is I'm doing, and often I think I draw attention to myself because of this. I try hard not to look at anyone, but eventually, I feel I have to look or else I'll look silly staring only at the ground, so I look quickly then look away.

Saying stuff like this, it makes me feel pretty small... I just really don't feel like an adult, and I obviously don't act like an adult, either... I don't even look like an adult, I look 14-15 tops. I'm like 120 lbs., I have a younger sister who even weighs more than me.

But, I guess my life's not that bad, though. I know that a lot of people have it 100x worse than I do. And maybe if I was 14-15, I'd be pretty content with everything the way it is, but I'm not anymore, I'm 18, and everything's the same as it was when I was that age. I think that's my biggest problem right now.