I was thinking of making this thread for a long time now. Please help me think of something or post your opinion. Thanks in advance. My friend looks like he is getting into depresion lately because he doesn't have any social skills. Since he was little he stayed home with his parents and couldn't socialize. So now he has a problem that he can't make long term friends and their friendship usually doesn;t last out of the classroom. He gets very depressed. I will be going abroad so i guess now he won't have any friends. To make things worse his parents want him to get an arranged marrige and he said he doesn't want that but he doesn't know what to do. Well he can't speak to girls cause he gets very nervous. I tried telling him to be calm and be his normal-self but of no use. Lately he has been depressed and he no longer likes things he once did such as playing PS2 or watching anime or Japanese Dramas. What can I do for him and What can he do for himself? \(~_~)/ THX.
Please don't take >>2 seriously.
Arranged marriage? Where is he from, and does it have significance in his culture?
I strongly recommend therapy. Your friend needs help.
>>1
That sounds bad. I don't really know what I would do in such a situation, but here are at least a few suggestions.
Try to keep in contact with him. Be it by phone or chat or whatever just try to talk to him. If you know each other really well, that may help him a lot.
If it's getting really bad, he should probably get professional help from a Psychologist, if that's possible. I heard that they can help a lot with lacking social skills and depression.
>>2
Trolling is not an option. Please go away.
My advise for your friend: Get a job!
Yeah a job may very well help his social skills. 3rd year of high school would make him like 17 right? That's not too young.
>>5 >>7
A job won't guarantee happiness nor any kind of progress, though there is no harm in trying. Don't suggest it like it's some sort of panacea.
>>6
If he doesn't want an arranged marriage, then he needs to stand up for himself and put his foot down about it. His parents may try justify it though because of his social ineptitude. I still recommend therapy, not sure how that would work in India though. At the least, he should talk to someone he trusts and keep his mind busy by going out and stuff.
arranged merriage?? are you a japanese or chinese? since most of them do this kind of thing..
>>9
Are you stupid or dumb? Since most of them would make this kind of post...
>>9
not just japanese and chinese muslism do this too, and there more..
Arranged marriage at 17? WTF
its normal even when your 1yr old youre merriage could be arrranged.. but thats depends on your parents if they wanted to it or not..
...... anyone has ne more advice?-THX
>>1
I can't really offer any advice on this, as this guy sounds exactly like me. I'm pretty much in the exact same bag... except I don't see any point to depression, so when I do get depressed it's usually for only a day or two at a time, and not often.
I wish my parents would arrange a marriage for me, though. Being like this, I can't really see myself getting finding a woman to marry on my own. But I would want to see and correspond with the woman beforehand, to see if I would actually like her.
Suggest to your friend that he does the same. You never know, she might be the perfect woman for him!
Other than that, probably the best you could do follow >>4's advice and try to keep in contact with him. If he's anything like me, he probably doesn't seem like the kind of guy who likes hanging out, but actually sort of likes being pulled around a bit.
Also, you should tell him to ask himself what exactly it is that he wants from and wants to do in life. I constantly do that myself, and every time decide that, save wanting more contact with people (friends, etc), I'm actually pretty satisfied with how my life is and where it's going.
Ah! Another thing you can do is try to get him to develop any potential interests more. And perhaps interact socially via those and any other interests he may already have. If he likes to watch anime, drag him to anime conventions and clubs. If he likes to play video games, drag him to tournaments.
I hope this helps some.
I think the job idea sounds like a good detail, but what then if he changes or they change jobs? This problem is sort of like changing schools, or going to a new level of educatio: people scatter off in different directions. I don't know about your culture(s) but over here people from job or school don't spend time with eachother outside of that, kinda.
In my grade school and highschool days I was an outsider and labelled as a nerd. I was mobbed. I was diagnosed depressed and antisocial by my assigned psychiatrist, and noone in the world had the same hobbies as me.
To get a friend is all about having something to talk about. It doesn't have to be hobbies, there just has to be a common thing tying the two together. In some cases the thing that ties two people together to be friends is the difference between them. Your friend doesn't have any problems getting friends in general? But friends who stick for life, what about those...
I really don't know if I have a formula for it. I met my best friend in 8th grade, he wasn't the most upspeaking guy in the class but fairly popular and regarded as one of the funniest people of the lot. I was the quiet artistic type (I like to draw). From ending up in group work with him some times I found out he actually liked computers, which is an important part of my family's culture. So we had stuff to talk about, even though I had to keep up with the humor. I wasn't used to that.
We ended up doing stuff outside school. Homework. I taught him HTML and design, tried teaching him drawing, he came to understand and accept my religion even though he's an atheist and doesn't want to be a part of any religion (I wasn't trying to convert him lol, but we talked about different philosophies sometimes). When I got a job at a netcafe (somehow) he came and spent a lot of time with me while I was working, which was great. So we became a part of eachothers lives. It's five years since I graduated now and we're still friends (so that's nine years of knowing eachother).
So maybe doing something outside school is the key? But it doesn't have to. I have another friend:
We met three years ago when I started in a college class. We had different majors and she was a part of a certain girl clique of three. I never approached that group when they were together. They were friends long before we got in that class. One of the guys I talked the most with in my first year happened to go out with her. I had a crush on her, and after they broke up way later I told her that, but that didn't work into something. It's been a year since we graduated and I haven't seen her for nine months. After going out she was meant to go to university but ended up at some international school for a year, and that summer I went to Malaysia. We found something to talk about (travelling, exploring) even after graduation. There's been phoning and chatting a lot even if we're unable to see eachother now because we're in different towns, different educations. There's still a heavy feeling of friendship. But I wouldn't have guessed she would be the only one in my class I would remain in contact with.
The "common denominator" is really important. But I don't think there's a formula to getting long-term friends. If you're a good friend and consider a friendship something where two people develop from knowing eachother, and enjoy eachother's company then it'll be good when you meet people who see it the same way. If you only meet up with people who see friends as 'people they know' that fly in and out of their lives you won't find any.
>In my grade school and highschool days I was an outsider and labelled as a nerd.
Luckily (or unluckily) I was homeschooled. For the few times I did actually go to public school, I was the kind of guy who was cool with everybody, yet not really intimate with anyone. (And I still am.)
>and noone in the world had the same hobbies as me.
Impossible.
KITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTA ^________________________^
My friend had the balls to speak to his parents but of no use tho.
He is still depressed but he made progress