Let us start off by observing a simple fact. If we ignore the relatively small group of people who are either physically or by character particularly ugly, we can make a very accurate statement, which is as follows. Any woman in a bar doesn't need to go home alone if she doesn't want to; most any man, most of the time, will have no other choice but than to go home alone.
Perhaps you are a woman, and think that this is absurd. Sure, if you lowered your standards enough, you could go home with a man from any bar, but you're looking for a GOOD man, right? No, you're not; you're looking for somebody who will give you attention and affection and make you feel special. Now, sure, you have your preferences, but trust me, most men will be capable of giving you that. Okay, you may have to put up with a bit of his bullshit, but ultimately, you can get what you want.
Perhaps you're a man, and you're thinking, "come on, dude, I may not get lucky every time, but often I'm the one taking the ladies back to their place." Well, good for you then, friend. You're lucky enough to have something special, something noticable, something particularly attractive to at least some small subset of women. Maybe you happen to look like a currently popular actor, or you have a particular wit or skill that attracts women. Ride it while you can. Just understand that there are quite a number of us who -- for some reason or another -- are not quite so lucky.
We can be gentlemen, well dressed, polite, good at conversation, stable, well-educated, and so forth, and yet, for some reason, we don't ever get to be the one taking the girl home. And here is my hypothosis on why this is so.
Let's go back to the original statement about men and women leaving bars. It's probably fair to say that both men and women are looking for the same basic things. Maybe presented a bit differently, but ultimately the same. That's affection, attention, and some sort of compassion, support, or security. Women have the upper hand here. By men's nature, we are all to eager to show attention, affection, and so forth to ladies. They know -- if only subconsciously -- that they can get what they want from a lot of men, if not most men. Men, on the other hand, have to work to get it. We know women can go elsewhere.
Here's an example: Let's say a man and woman have just recently met and are doing something enjoyable together. Now, if it's a date, that's another case, but let's say they're just being social. What about the line, "I'm glad we could share this moment together." Coming from the man, and said to the woman, it's creepy. The man is intruding on the woman's personal emotional space. Coming from the woman, though, and said to the man, it is a totally different case. It may be a bit awkward, but only the fewest men would feel nearly as insulted as in the reverse case.
So what does this mean? This isn't exactly anything new.
Men offer attention and affection regardless of reciprocation. So most any woman knows she can get what she wants out of him without doing anything herself. The man, by his nature, will keep trying to entice her by showing what a nice guy he is. But he's already played his cards. Of course, should he have something special, then maybe the woman will reciprocate to keep him for herself, but most of us aren't that lucky. By being friendly to a woman, the man has already given her everything he can offer. She -- quite reasonably -- can save her trump cards for a man who can give her something special.
It basically comes down to this. A woman has nothing to gain by entering a relationship with a man who already cares for her. And hence, it seems that women tend to go for the guys who treat them the worst. They may as well! It's the logical choice. If they need care or attention or affection, there will always be men almost literally lined up to give it to them. Practically every guy they've met since they were 13 has in some way probably been trying to fuck them. It's a woman's goal to capture the guy who has something he won't otherwise give to her. Or hence the saying, nice guys finish last.
But this, too, is nothing all that new.
It's not like we can chance how men or women are, and changing oneself is pretty difficult. It may be worth trying, but real results are rare, and when one does achieve it, they're still little better off. The real question is what can we men, who are just by nature nice to women, do about it? Become jerks? It seems like the logical answer, given that the kind of guy the girls go for are usually the jerks. But unfortunately, they are jerks precisely because they can get away with it and still get women. Jerks who don't have anything to offer realize the error of their ways quickly. (But don't necessarily chance them.)
Well, you have to have something she can't get out of you without being in a relationship. Problem is, if you had something like that in the first place, you would have already attracted a woman. The end result is that it's not personality, or character, or anything like that which really makes a difference. You just have to have something special somebody else wants out of you; there's no two ways about it. Maybe you do have something special, but it's not what she wants. Well, you're probably pretty much out of luck.
You can just accept your lot in life and try to live with it. I myself have more female friends than I do male. None of them are interested in me, but they are very friendly and sociable. It's far more than I had in my youth, and I fare far better than a lot of people in a position similar to mine. In some ways, I figure if I can't have a woman of my own, I can still at least enjoy their company. I'm "the friend." You could fight it, you could try hitting on woman after woman, hopping that somebody will happen to want what you have. If that's the road you travel, so be it. I think it makes you a sleaze, but I honestly and truly understand. You may as well try to find a girl before all the good ones are gone and you end up dating somebody you don't even like out of desperation.
So to sum it all up, if you've read this far, you're probably one of the many of us who wonder why you're still so unlucky with the ladies. Well, in short, you just don't have anything they want. No matter how good a friend you are, you're just not the "boyfriend type." In other words, they have you already, why should they bother doing anything for you when they won't get anything more out of it. You're pretty much stuck; there's nothing you can do. You can try to improve your odds, but keep this in mind. Ultimately, it's HER decision if she wants to date you or not. There's not really much you can do about it.
You're in a lonely situation, but keep in mind, there's not really much you can do about it. Either distract yourself with other things, like sports or games or books or something, or give it all you got and go down in a blaze if you have to.
quite the analysis. regardless if you're right, i believe it's important to persevere if the odds are more or less in your favor. i wouldn't want to think that i'm out of luck.
perhaps i'm speaking of a blind hope?
What if we didn't ignore the group who are ugly physically or in character. What will be the outcome, fact, opinion or whatever?
This is just copypasta, I doubt you'll get a response.
Uhh.. I ditched my ex for a "nice guy". Does that make me odd? Or does that suddenly make me into a guy? This is the intarwebs after all, "no women on the intarwebs"...
>What about the line, "I'm glad we could share this moment together." Coming from the man, and said to the woman, it's creepy.
Whether that is creepy or not very much depends on the context. A big sleezy grin while being undressed with the eyes makes that comment horribly creepy. However, someone genuinely saying that, clearly meaning it isn't creepy at all. Genuine appreciation with no strings attached is always nice. People trying to crawl under your skin (or clothing) is creepy. Context, people.
Just to let you know men at bars aren't looking for "That's affection, attention, and some sort of compassion, support, or security." They are just looking for pussy.
tl;dr
Womenz suck lol
>>9
the men who want are looking for "affection, attention, and some sort of compassion, support, or security." are all sitting at home obsessively reloading /personal/ and /love/.
>>9 and >>12 are sort of right.
Assuming, you're a nice man looking for affection, attention, etc rather than just out to get laid, try suggesting to a friend that you intend to go to a bar to meet girls. If he/she knows that your immediate goal isn't pussy, you'll get a strange look and something to the effect of 'I didn't think you were that type of person' or in some cases 'Yeah, man, you really do need to get laid' indicating that your friend thinks that the only reason for going to a bar is to pick up girls and get laid in the immediate future. I've honestly tested this several times, and most every guy I know seems to see it this way, and a majority of girls seem to.
However, I don't know if that is just a local view of things, or perhaps limited only to the subset of people I interact with regularly, rather than being a good example of the population.
>>14
No, you're right. I thought it was just common knowledge that the bar was for finding non-serious relationships.
http://realitymethod.wordpress.com/2007/01/20/what-nightclubs-are-good-for/
here is an academic article about bars etc.