Can Hikikomori Help Themselves? (52)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2007-01-31 10:40 ID:CvaHRzOk

I have just finished reading the third chapter of the book "Shutting Out the Sun" and I have some questions.

Do you know of any hikikomori in your area and, if you do, do you try and help them?

Would it seem unreasonable for hikikomori from the same area to help each other; form a group that just hangs out once a week to try and get out of the house or something?

I've noticed a few reclusive people here in Seattle and I was hoping to form a group like this to help, but I was wondering if there was some first hand experience at getting hikikomoris back into society.

Any information is appreciated.

2 Name: fart man : 2007-01-31 11:03 ID:KXTmMJM5

well, dont ask pple here, because they are shut-ins themselves

3 Name: Anonymous : 2007-01-31 12:28 ID:Heaven


I do not know of any persons one could really call hikkis around here, but I'm a sort of a borderline hikki myself. What I do is that I basically force myself to go out a bit, and I have some friends who are kind of like me too. It's pretty much like the sort of group you describe, just more preventive - no one of us really is a shut-in, but each of us could probably become one. I believe that this can in fact work pretty well.

From my experience, if you get a few people together for this, that would already be a first step, and if you go out and do that regularily, then you've basically done it, the rest will work out. I've become a lot more open and social through all of this.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2007-01-31 21:19 ID:VTq3gy7x

1, This should be in personal.

>and I have some friends who are kind of like me too

2, How did you meet them?

5 Name: Anonymous : 2007-01-31 23:39 ID:2Shb1tDR

i'm not the same anonymous, but in my case, i met them through the internet.

6 Name: 3 : 2007-01-31 23:43 ID:Heaven

Mostly at work. Sorry, can't help you with this.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2007-02-01 02:40 ID:cxqQtWwZ

real hikkis don't work.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2007-02-05 23:01 ID:Heaven

Based on what I've seen, calling yourself a hikikomori is just a desperate attempt to latch onto Japanese society by claiming yourself to be a part of a group that, for all intents and purposes, was created by a hybrid of economic hardships (yes, Japan isn't the wonderfully prosperous place you may think it to be) in Japan after the 1980's and the bizarre inner-workings of Japan's social structure.

So, unless you were directly affected by these problems (thus making you native Japanese), don't call yourself a damn hikikomori. You are not a hikikomori. Besides, if you were, you would most likely not be on the Internet... you wouldn't be socializing at all. You also would not have a job; you would strictly be relying on your parents or other caretakers fully.

You are introverted, you are a shut-in. You are not a hikikomori; there is a difference great enough to leave the term "hikikomori" itself untranslatable.


9 Name: NAt0V : 2007-02-10 08:45 ID:Kl3t3kra

Come on,

Where are Hikkis supposed to socialize if it isn't the net?

Hikkis live on the net. Their Computers are their lives.

And while technically, it may be considered false to call a non-Japanese NEET who has no friends and stays in his/her room all day a hikikomori, I think it's permissable, especially since the phenomenon is not unique to Japan, but most modern, post-industrial nations, although its symptoms are probably more easily cultivated in Japan's particular, non-confrontational culture.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2007-02-10 13:56 ID:L/eFjUYk

Have you ever been to Japan before? How do you know for sure that Japan's culture is as what you say it is?

I show to you the result of the potrayal of Japanese culture in the media which have made NAt0V and people like him to generalise Japan's culture merely by watching it on TV or hearsay rather than by finding out the real truth by actually going there or at the very least talking to people who have lived there.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2007-02-10 16:13 ID:ylPzN+gQ

Causes of hikikomori are pessimism and shortage of social skills;especially communication. And not small of them seem to be depressive.

12 Name: NAt0V : 2007-02-11 00:28 ID:Kl3t3kra

Sorry if I oversimplified, but if you read reports that cover specific instances of Hikikomori in Japan, Japanese psychiatrists are less likely to recommend confronting hikkis or forcing them to find jobs/schools then American shrinks/social workers, who in some instances, recommend "knocking down the door".

Japanese social workers and shrinks are more likely to recommend that the parents wait for the Hikikomori to come out on their own accord.

Sorry, but it's a well known fact that having a hikki for a son is a pretty nasty social stigma. It becomes in the family's best interest to hide the fact and hope the son/daughter recovers on their own before seeking professional assistance.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2007-02-11 06:53 ID:REzUN/OQ

they can help themselves, if u cut off their food supply and money from outsides sources (aka parents and etc.), and unless theyre prepared, to literally starve to death, which i doubt most are, then it seems plausible for them to get outta it (hahaha theory from Welcome to the NHK! validity, is, questionable)

14 Name: Anonymous : 2007-02-11 12:22 ID:VIBE2VCa

I could help myself, but my case wasn't as bad as some other people.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2007-02-11 12:26 ID:VIBE2VCa


Hikis need a reason or be forced to come out. If you just let them live like they are, nothing will happen, they'll just keep living in their rooms and waste their life.

16 Name: .... : 2008-06-15 03:52 ID:E9WzcDDK

tbh I'm a real one, but i was a normal person in school fairly popular with friends and plenty of girl friends no reason to be depressed or hate the outside, one day I found myself droped out, playing online games, living off my parents at age 21 and not doing anything with my life not leaving my home for 6 months at a time probably more, I have tried working but I would go into fits of depression and quit. Now I feel like I don't have anything left at all, I tried to over come it but it feels like nobody is there to help, just critize. If it was as easy as just go out side or get a job I wouldn't be one... I also never had a traumatic experience so I really do beleive it is a mental disorder. Since i don't have anything left(self inflicted) and I don't really care about or like myself I would literatly let myself starve to death if cut offinfact i wish she would. The only reason I'm even still around I soley because I had hope to over come this, but everyday I find myself closer to ending this grabage of a life I have created for myself. The way I see it the true meaning of hikikomori or shut-in or what ever name you want to call it is self sabotage.

17 Name: Anonymous : 2008-06-23 19:49 ID:Q9Rht1cZ


18 Name: Anonymous : 2009-05-12 21:54 ID:bEF7xtx2

Nah... i have to comment on this issue.... i think im a hikkikomori.(Just to share). I spend half of my day sleeping. And then i woke up at abt 2 am to watch anime/ play online games. I have friends... just a few of them. Im at my age 17. Also experienced bullying at school. (This i think is the main cause). And i always think alot, primarily when dealing with others. Stuff like, will they accept/like me? Im just unnartural when dealing w/ people. Hmmmmm. I really try to overcome this but never progresses. Geez, im so sad. It feels like imma stock in this room forever.

19 Name: 2010 : 2010-01-07 15:32 ID:frLwMtNo

You know what, I guess I`ve been a bit of a Hikikomori, but I really want to get out of this shithole man.

20 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-08 00:27 ID:iXbGvg9G


21 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-08 10:42 ID:i10xmW/Z

My brother is somewhat hikikomori - he avoid any unnesessary contact with strangers.
He'll turn 26 this year and he got no social life at all. No friends only some mail-talk during internet auctions.

We as a familly are very tired of him, and waiting till he walks on his own is bull - when we pushed him he walked more on his own and was happier. Now he got issues to go even for cigaretes to kiosk - it takes about 8 minutes and now he avoid it.

22 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-08 12:37 ID:Heaven

ITT people with friends and jobs/school think they are hikikomori because they spend a lot of time alone in their room and have otaku hobbies.

Being hikikomori is so sugoi, it's like I'm really Japanese! ^__^

23 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-08 17:53 ID:i10xmW/Z

He's not anime nor manga fan, lol, just because you call it from japanese dissease, it doesn't mean that only japanese ppl/otaku's are hikikomori.

"Being hikikomori is so sugoi, it's like I'm really Japanese! ^__^" -so... all japs kill them selves with suicidal aircraft attacks? and they still fight with katanas and pay with bags of rice? um, nope :|

24 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-10 10:44 ID:utjZm/fw

>-so... all japs kill them selves with suicidal aircraft attacks? and they still fight with katanas and pay with bags of rice? um, nope :|


25 Name: : 2010-01-12 21:44 ID:OYpKByEy

Hikikomori or not, but I just don't like humans. I see people as lobsters with knives. To me all those "we love you, come drink tea with us and sing songs of the days past" fucktards are furiating. And why I don't like people? Because most people are complete tools without decency to hide their moronic opinions. If somebody is happy with what s/he does as long as it doesn't hurt or interfere with anybody else's privacy, then I'm cool with it. What puzzles me is that why most people don't think like this.

26 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-14 18:08 ID:LnqTbf8P


> If somebody is happy with what s/he does as long as it doesn't hurt or interfere with anybody else's privacy, then I'm cool with it. What puzzles me is that why most people don't think like this.

Why are you irritated by their thoughts, if they don't interfere with your privacy?

27 Name: : 2010-01-15 12:24 ID:OYpKByEy


Like I said, I don't care what people do or think if they leave others alone. Clearly there is a conflict in this with people who get off by ringing my doorbell 8 AM on Saturday morning. I have a bit of a problem expressing my thought by writing, so I'll try to put it simply:

If people believe in Martians, I'm fine with that. But I get angry if they start making laws that everyone must attend to extraterrestrial education or come raping my frontdoor, selling tinfoilhats. I don't push MY beliefs to my neighbors, so why can't they return the favor?

It is disturbing to my demeanor.

28 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-16 15:14 ID:h+5BdjSb

You could always hang outside your door a sign that says "No salesmen" or something of that kind, or leave your current residence for a more isolated area. I had found the light when I built a room in the woods just for myself - of course now I live with my parents again. I wasn't self-sufficient enough to live alone.

29 Name: : 2010-01-16 18:25 ID:OYpKByEy


Unfortunately I don't think that moving to a completely desolated area is an option for me. I guess my fault has been that I've expected others to respect my privacy as a default.

Another annoying thing is that some idiots decide to ignore all signs and posts. I've had this "No advertisements or free distributions" in my [physical] mailbox for a while now and though it has reduced the amount of spam, it hasn't stopped it. Today I attached an even bigger plate stating the same request, but with bigger print. Makes me wonder if the mailman is retarded or something. Luckily the telemarketing deny I've made has cut off those bastards off.

30 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-20 08:28 ID:xbVaV8qt

Been living in my room for something like 3 years. I'm not very proud of it.

31 Name: Mystisk : 2010-03-23 11:37 ID:qaa4FcYu

people equally disgust me [...].
Your posts have struck me so, that this is the first time I ever have ever posted something on a wall with people I do not know and trust. But you just trust me now, it has been a nightmare re reading, deleting and re writing everything I am trying to say and analyzing each word just to make sure it would grasp such percisely.
I realize that on the first time I am looking on a recluse internet site that if I can't even write on a public board(by now working towards the 45 min. mark to do so)I am mentally ill.I just want to show it to myself that I can do it.
That is how much I wanted to say thank you to everyone on this site for making me feel for just one second that I am not the only one who is insane. I have been this way all my life and am just finding out now that it is actually culture in Japan.
I am lucky enough to have a fellow recluse boyfriend, who equally hates people but is in love with me. Together we never speak, co exist, and still lead a healthy sex life. Only because I think so much with all that quiet time that I sometimes concentrate on the bad. I forget how lucky I am.

I am equally as lucky to read this page.

32 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-29 10:11 ID:wZRiN0+N


33 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-09 14:19 ID:Heaven

None of you people are fucking antisocials. You're using the internet, the most advanced communications technology the world has ever seen. Talking about how "hardcore" of a shut in you are for sitting on your computer all day, you look like little boys having a pissing contest to me.

34 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-22 09:07 ID:frLwMtNo


35 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-24 10:45 ID:8a5Ms/18


asocial you mean.

antisocials like to disrupt social shit and ruin all the fun.

36 Name: veronica : 2010-04-26 21:04 ID:3UEk9qKH

hi guys, i'm not a hikikomori, but my friend is. I know that hikikomoris dont have any friends,and I know that here in Brasil (hi everybare, I'm from Brasil) the hikikomori status is very different than in the Japan, or everywhere else, but I really want to help him. He's 24, and he stays at home all the day. He dont study in any university, but he's still very inteligent. He nows a lot about a lot of things.. So, now, I'm asking for advice from you guys to help him, even though few people will read this, or try to help me in any way.. but really, If anybare wants to help me, please send me an email with questions and advices. kisses!

37 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-01 01:18 ID:OGyCxRgj

None of you guys are NEETs. Calling yourself a NEET is just a desperate attempt to latch onto British society by claiming yourself to be a part of a group that, for all intents and purposes, was created by a hybrid of economic hardships (yes, Britain isn't the wonderfully prosperous place you may think it to be) in Britain after the 1980's and the bizarre inner-workings of Britain's social structure. Have you ever been to Britain? How do you know for sure that British culture is what you say it is?


Nobody here is trying to imitate the japanese and nobody here cares that you've been to japan. Hikki is a loanword, as is a good 95% of our language.

38 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-04 03:43 ID:gvdDM3tA

>>35 I used to call myself antisocial, now I actually MEAN it >:D

39 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-16 01:31 ID:9T50kbRI


I am British. But you'll never find the term NEET used here. If you go to the dole office and tell the person at the counter that you're a NEET they won't know what you're talking about. For centuries we've just called it "on the dole".

And anyway, I wouldn't compare Britain in the 80s (which was a shithole in all regards for people living on the wrong side of it, ie. 80% of the population) to any of this "sat at home playing video games and leeching off my parents" stuff. A lot of these shut-ins, hikikomoris or whatever you call them, seem more bothered by their social rather than economical situation. There's a lot of self-indulgence going on, complaining about how hard life is etc. without much recursive action. It doesn't feel as if they HAVE to support themselve to keep lodgings etc.

40 Name: nikeair jordans : 2010-11-19 06:11 ID:lh8dysH2

Thank you very much for your great website

41 Name: Kiki : 2011-01-07 14:39 ID:QownhIl5

I believe, that for those who really think that they are hikikomoris or are scared that they might be, the biggest factor in this whole shit is the fear of going down, further and further and not being able to get a grip and come out again.
I'm living like a shut-in for about 4 years+ and if I think back, it wasn't as bad in the beginning as it is now, it just constanty became worse.

Even now and back then I desperately thought, how to get out of this, cause I've got friggin' enough of being so darn lonely. It's not that I don't want friends or social contacts, it's just that I'm scared(don't even know exactly of what), I've gradually lost the lust for life and I'm probably way too easily or too much addicted to mangas, animes, dramas, virtual mprg(like fiesta) and fantasy stories in general. <-- withdrawal of reality and therefore society

call it hikikomori, shut-in, cocooning, idiot or psycho, whatever you want... just know that ppl like us suffer and don't really want to live this way
if it was so easy to become normal again, guess what we'd have done since a looong time ago??

42 Name: Anonymous : 2011-01-07 22:19 ID:xbVaV8qt

Same. It's been around, what, five years since I've done anything but sit in front of my computer? I don't feel like taking the effort to force myself outside. The world just isn't worthwhile anymore.

43 Name: Kiki : 2011-01-08 17:07 ID:yvZ63YUI

Just had a good laugh... its the same for me.. funny thing is, making an effort to force myself (and I gotta say it was definitely an effort!), made me realize, that the only thing worthhwile to live for is people. As hilarious as that may sound, it's true.
However, to realize that, it took me a year in a foreign country and at first it sucked with social contacts and all...
Only in the second half of the year, when I became really involved with the people, their(extreeeeeemly) difficult relationships, did i have fun living again. I was a part of it, kinda awesome.
But guess what.. right now, since I came back, every holiday and after school I basically shut myself in my room and live a happy life through characters in a fantasy story... fucking stupid... so much for my effort
I'm right back where I started.. maybe even worse

But the only HAPPY thing or interesting thing to gain back the lust for life is still the ppl... kinda sucks

44 Name: Anonymous : 2011-01-08 18:53 ID:Heaven

>>43 is totally correct. Animals are social beings by nature, we feel deprived if we don't have contact with others. Of course, when you become aware of this fact, you realize it's only a feeling and that you can live without it.

That doesn't mean that social interaction doesn't make you feel good, though.

45 Name: Kiki : 2011-01-09 22:31 ID:gTVJ0T0R

Guess that's why I love my cat so much...

I just know, that even if you are a loner, without social contacts you'll just feel sick. The only problem is, that you'll have to feel good interacting with those ppl or your socalled social contacts, otherwise everything is just in vain and you'll go back home and say hello darling to your computer.

Gonna try a new start tomorrow, let's see were it ends...
Only thing is that school sucks...darn

Though it's still the only thing separating me from being a fullfledged hikikomori

46 Name: BB : 2012-01-16 09:14 ID:0jkqzv99

Man, Kiki you're smart.

47 Name: Anonymous : 2012-01-17 01:48 ID:Heaven

I just found another job almost completely by luck, following having been out of work for a few months. Before that, I was a hikikomori who had only ever worked about two months in twenty-one years. It's going to be terrifying, but I forced myself to go the first day and, quite amazingly, finished a full shift. Even if it's just so I can have money to spend on rent, food, drugs and internet, I don't want to be a complete shut-in anymore...

Let's see how tomorrow goes~!

48 Name: Anonymous : 2012-01-17 06:26 ID:wYqdGbRp

This my first time to write in this board, i'm not hikikomori but close, never have a job in my 32 years on earth, i worked as a volunteer for 7 years and i loved it, i was socially active, working with other people and meeting with them everyday, having fun in the weekends, but things changed, the organization i worked for changed and i did not like the change, many friends walked out and i did, in the end, after that i did not find any job, i tried to work as a freelancer but that's hard, so hard.

Now i don't like to meet any of my friends, i feel ashamed of myself, not "man" enough, useless, i just hate myself, that's why i prefer to stay away from people, but the more i keep myself away the harder it gets to go back, many tried to help me but they know as i know that I am the only one who can help me, if i'm not serious about changing myself then there is nothing they can do.

People want to feel that they are useful for others, want to feel that they are a part of society, for a hikikomori it will take a lot of effort to go out and relearn how to be social, but start with smallest step, going few steps outside home might be enough as the first step.

As for myself, all i need is to find work, notice i said "work" not job, and i'm working now on something to start my own business, it's been long 10 years and I've had enough.

49 Name: Anonymous : 2012-01-18 17:44 ID:hqbunkYL

Congratulations! You've taken your first step into a larger world.

I really understand how you feel. I'm a few years younger than you but I've never had a job either.
Did you live with your parents?

50 Name: Anonymous : 2012-01-18 19:43 ID:vx5Us8A4

I still live with my parents, but this is normal in my country, parents don't let their children go, even if i get married and have kids i will still live with them, we are an extended family living in a large house, 3 generations live under one roof, it's noisy here but living with such family helps to keep people like me a little bit social.

Thank you for replying (^_^)

51 Name: ben : 2012-04-17 10:20 ID:8TPMtB4G

I'm a hikikomori too cant help myself of been so worthless

52 Name: Anonymous : 2012-06-05 04:38 ID:ybX3yXC5

The answer doesn't lie with helping yourself. It's helping others that effectively distracts you from your misery, and makes you happy.

If you really can't find anyone to help, meditate. I recommend Alan Watts' method.

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