do they work on sand?

Exuse me everyone, I am >>1's former secretary.
I have come to apologise for this THREAD that he has created.
You really can't blame him, you see he has just not been the same since the incident.
His old wife was a beautiful woman, and he was a rich businessman in the wealthy Kami-Osaki area of the Minato ward.
How does such a man fall so low? Well, I was filing some papers one day and I heard a low groaning coming from >>1's office.
I was worried for him, so of course I went to check to see everything was ok.
When I entered, I saw something that I will never forget. >>1 was bent over his desk, with his trousers around his ankles, and he had two lampstands sticking out of his buttocks.
I gasped, and he jumped up, but as he did so, leaning back, the lampstands caught on the floor, and he accidentally tipped himself upright onto them.
>>1 was proped up in the air by the lampstands in his buttocks, screaming and crying.
By this time many office workers had gathered around his doorway.
"Oh how terrible!"
"My goodness! It's digusting!"
"What a small penis he has!"
>>1 was just crying. The boss came and told him that he was fired. Nobody wanted to help him down from his predicament.
Ever since then, >>1 has done nothing but sit at home all day, on a cushion, and create shitty THREADS on 4-ch. I apologise.

... so do they work on sand?

epic.