Okay, I have a serious problem: how does one deal with a person that you have to be around (due to certain social circumstances), but you honestly don't like?
There is this guy I go to school with and work with in some political activist/charity stuff. The guy is good-hearted and very sweet, and I work with him a great deal and see him in class often. But... he's utterly annoying and incredibly socially awkward. He suffers from schizophrenia, and is on a number of anti-psychotics (Thorazine, Risperdal, and Seroquil). His speech is incredibly slow, and his speech patterns are very scrambled and he tends to rant to random people about stuff that doesn't fit (e.g. he will come up to a group of random Punk kids and begin spouting off to them about basketball and rap music). If he sees any female, he will automatically talk her ears off and ask for her phone number.
Now, I recognized his potential as a political activist and humanitarian quickly, and despite his mental handicap I tried to befriend him, as he has very very few friends. However, recently I have realized that he is more than I can handle (hell, I got Bipolar Disorder and a recovering alcoholic- I got enough head problems as is!). He calls me incessantly at all hours of the day and night, and it's almost always:
"Heeey there, man... how... are... you?... Yeah... I was just... watching the... basketball... game... and... Georgia Tech... is... winning... against... UNC... and So-and-So... just scored a goal... do... you... like... So-and-so?..."
"No, I don't, bro. Remember, I dont pay any attention to sports except American college football and European football/soccer."
[I have to constantly remind him that I don't watch basketball, and everytime the subject comes up he talks your ears off assuming that you know a lot about it]
*"Oh... yeah... I... forgot. Well... anyways... how... you... been... doin'?"
"I've been doing okay."
(long silence)
"Yeah... Okay... I'll see.. ya later... okay..."*
(click)
That's not the end of it; he doesn't have a liscense or a job (even though he's 25) and just assumes that when we're around him, we'll pay for him, drive him around, and allow him to crash at one of our places (he came to my house unexpectedly at 2am a few nights ago, just ASSUMING that I was gonna let him stay at my house and let him eat all my food, play on my computer, and jerk off in my bathroom). He always talks about his masturbation habits and porn collection in front of women or new people he meets, and... well, the list doesn't end. Trying to explain why such things are wrong are useless; it usually just ends with "Ooookay..." and he repeats the action minutes later.
I've tried being patient with this dude here, but now he's just becoming a burden to me, my friends, and our class. However, he has been very helpful and has really helped develop the organization we are part of, and has potential to be a big part of it.
Short and short of it, how do I deal with I guy that, despite him having a very noble heart, is utterly psycho and very annoying, and I am required to work with him?
Hmm... Dunno about him being useful to your political organization, but on a personal level:
I'd say avoidance might be the best policy.. When that phone rings, just don't answer... When he shows up at the house, just don't answer the door; I hate to endorse lying, but if anything comes up, the answer can be "Sorry, dude, I was busy"... "Sorry, I was asleep"... "Sorry, I was away..."
Sooner or later, he'll realize he can't always use you to get around, as a crutch, just simply because you're not there (at least, that's the impression you'll be giving)...
As far as being embarrassed hanging around with him... Dunno there... Maybe you can get him involved in other things or events that go on elsewhere so you won't have to be around him all the time...
Hrm, well, my first suggestion would be just to talk to him. Especially when it comes to things like stopping by your house at 2am unexpectedly and eating your food - you could talk to him and just say (in a friendly manner) "Hey man, it's not okay for you to come by so late at night unexpectedly like that. You're a good friend but that just isn't kosher." Maybe make a lame joke like "I could have been with a girl! ...Yeah yeah, ok, I could have been jacking off." or something.
This way, if he ever shows up that late again you can just outright refuse to let him stay (again, you can do this in a friendly, but firm manner). "Do you remember dude? We talked about this, this really isn't okay man."
Of course, this really doesn't help you out with just not liking the man. I guess >>2's suggestions were good, try to get him involved in other things or events (perhaps set him up with people who like basketball, a club or something).
If all else fails, then and only then would I go with avoidance.
Well, I sat down and talked with the guy a couple of nights ago, and we talked a lot about his mooching and shit... but I didn't really get anything out of him. I just got a "Yeaaaah... ooookaaaay... I'm... sorry... man." in a flat tone. I thought "Hopefully he understood he can't just bum off us anymore, and maybe he'll give us some space".
But then yesterday after we got done with this one organizing event, we went to dinner and he ordered a shitload of food, and then only after we got the check did he inform that he had no money, and they said "Oh... I'm... sorry... I thought... you guys... was... gonna... pay... for... me..." and when I chastised him, I mentioned getting a job, and he said "Man, fuck alllll thaaaaat..." AND THEN AS WE'RE GOING HOME HE ASKS ME FOR $20 AND IF I CAN GIVE HIM A RIDE TO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE SIDE OF TOWN.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT DUDE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SCHIZO, YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT TO PEOPLE.
Dude, just think of it this way: Now that you've talked to him calmly about his actions (like his mooching) in a friendly way, you can truly start to be a dick if he continues.
Just say "Dude, we talked about this, remember?" Then, if he doesn't get it, just say "Dude, fuck you man." Get up and leave. If he tries to come out to dinner with you again tell him exactly the problems you have with him, and refuse to let him.
Having sat down and talked things through with him, there's no excuse for him to continue to behave this way. Just shoot him down and leave him where he is. Now you've got to be self confident enough just to say 'No' to him when he asks for things.
Yeah, my fellow activists and I are giving him a "3 strikes you're out" policy, because he's really been a pain in the ass. I'm tired of feeling sorry for the dude because of a mental handicap, and I realize that I have almost the same problems he does (I'm such a bad Bipolar that without my meds, I hallucinate and get really paranoid) but I live my life responsibly and just fine... and I'm 5 years younger than him!
So fuck this.
Whatever you do don't feel sorry for him. That way leads to ruin. Just do the 3 strikes thing, and be very strict enforcing it.
If he leaves your group of friends, then fuck him, he was a dick anyway.
Feck. I totally understand how pissed you are. I have a couple of friends who boldly leech off me too. One of them constantly calls me and I never pick up because I know it will be the same old story about his life and trying to get a heart to heart convo out of me. I mean, I'm a girl and even I don't talk that much. When I bump into him, he's whining about how I don't pick up his calls and it's always "It's on silent, I don't have credit to call back." I'll be needing to find a new excuse soon. My other friend constantly seems to be borrowing money off me or asking me to do stuff for her. I don't really mind, besides the fact that she asks me so unashamedly, as if I owed it to her. Another one who was interested in me (got rejected already), keeps sending me messages "as a friend", because I'm such a good listener/helper and all. The problem is, they keep getting more personal, and I have other problem to worry about. People also leech off me at school to help them with their homework or just listen to them whine about their crappy day. I have very high tolerance so most of the time I do all this with a smile and a "It's okay!". But really, it's not. I take harder and more subjects than all of them, so I have enough work as it is without helping them out with theirs as well. I guess it helps that I've learnt the art of evading people who I know will ask me for something. But it has taught me to become more appreciative. I have immense gratitude for someone who does even a small favour for me.
Anyway, friends like these...yeah. You need space away from these people or else they'll drive you crazy. Trust me, I should know. Next time he talks to you, try to be distant by sounding disinterested. Short replies, "I'm kind of busy" treatment.
Sorry about the long post. Had to get that off my chest while your thread fired me up.
OP here:
He keeps calling the woman I'm dating 6 times a day, after she told him to not call so much.
STRIKE ONE.
>>11
LOL. Wtf are you talking about, that's an automatic red card!
Just break off any contact with him. He's mentally retarded, and probably not responsible for his behaviour. Since it's too hard to deal with him, just don't. You'll be better off.
Kick him into the nuts... often
Say the magic word.
"NO".
It will make things much much better. If you have the guts to say it to people.
OP here:
He's coming to meetings and the women actually try to sit on the other side of the conference table because they're scared of him hitting on them.
STRIKE TWO.
>>16
I initially read that as "They're scared of him hitting them."
Lol, that would be really socially retarded.
This thread is getting exciting. I can't wait to see what strike three will be!
fuck him you fag
Op here:
He raped my girlfriend.
STRIKE THREE.
Op here:
I raped my mother.
STRIKE FOUR.
Op here:
HE CHRAGED MAH LAZER
Op here:
He molested me in my sleep!
Op here:
He snorted my father's ashes!
STRIKE SEVEN.