I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot while anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Sometimes I sage twice, just to get the smell off.

not gone yet

Life in this reality is a contradiction, it is you, no I who is right, you are but a worthless nothing in my world.

>>2
>>3
You only sage because you're too stupid to come up with anything witty.

Nice way to get philosophical with old George Carlin quotes.

>I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If that happened to me, I'd propose her on the moment.

>>5

Is it I who is stupid, or the purported philosopher unable to maintain a cool and calm composure, on the INTERNET, that is stupid?

OK here are more original quotes of mine!

Did not strong connections draw me elsewhere, I believe Scotland would be the country I would choose to end my days in. — Me

We all know that Prime Ministers are wedded to the truth, but like other wedded couples, they sometimes live apart. — Me

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open. — Me

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. — Me

Never wrestle with a pig; you both get muddy and the pig enjoys it. — Me

>>8
Arguing on the Internet is like the Retarded Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded. — Me

>>9
Fuck you. You didn't make the last one up. HIBT?

>>10
He didn't make up any of those quotes.

>>11
Pretty sure he's not the OP either.

>>12
Why not? He's got the same ID. And everyone knows 4-chers live alone and have no friends.

>>9

A man can build a thousand bridges, but if he sucks one cock then he's a cocksucker.

>>14 > OP

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

>>14
>>15
Same person

>>17
I don't think it really matters but I would just like to tell you that you are wrong.

>>18
I don't think it really matters but I would just like to tell you that I do not believe you. Enjoy your self-praise.

>>16
Jack Handy uses 4-ch!