Post some cool stories. :D
Jesus returned.
He went to a buffet.
The salad was wilted.
The coffee was cold.
The potatoes were lumpy.
The bread had mold.
The chicken was dry.
The bathroom was filthy.
The cashier would not accept amex.
Jesus wept.
A couple of years ago at my last school, my hot advisor found out I like her. Pic related.
Okay, so at my school we had faculty advisors that are assigned to students according to their last names. They help with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My advisor is named Jane Angelo, and as you can see she's pretty hot. The picture doesn't do her justice but it's all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisors. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and shit. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Angelo. That's where the trouble all started.
Firstly, I walked into the office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid small talk until she's finished.
"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon, I love it. I eat it practically every day."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods... you know, like wild berries and honies and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." Goddamnit.
Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:
"Okay, your account name is [My Name] and your password is ...'angeloissexy'..."
Oh damn, I completely forgot that I put that as my password at the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,
"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want to keep to yourself."
I was so fucking embarassed I wanted to kill myself right there and then. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever, see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.
She was eating Salmon.
She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.
She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.
Ms. Angelo was a bear disguised as a human.
Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper.
I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While I fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road.
The bear was gaining fast. I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: a preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. Immediately, the bear slammed through the wall, crushing a child beneath its massive paws and burying several other children in sheet rock and debris. I maneuvered my way through the chaos towards the back exit. The pre-schoolers were little more than a screaming nuisance for the bear; its massive paws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used the precious time these children had afforded me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a ladder to a fort-like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars and jump to a tree, from which I could climb to the roof of the preschool and perhaps flag down a passing helicopter.
I was out of time, and out of options. I flew across the monkey bars, and leapt into the tree. Imagine my horror when I realized that my judgments were entirely inaccurate: there was no way I could make it onto the roof from here, and no other alternatives lay in sight. But wait! I looked up, and much to my astonishment, discovered a small, but large enough, treehouse hidden within the massive bows of the tree. I took a quick look back, over my shoulder. The bear had bashed the door open, and was charging for the fort. I scrambled up the branches, practically leaping from limb to limb as the bear barreled through fort, monkey bars, and various other structures. I scurried into the treehouse, quickly shutting the door. Peering out from the small window, I watched, and I waited.
The bear was confused; it could not figure out where I had gone. I waited for what seemed like hours, when it finally gave up and lumbered off into the nearby woods. I was safe. For now.
im an average English guy whose age is 31, and im also unemployed at the moment. okay let me start to tell u my odd story..(but all true)
i havent had any girl friends in my life(but it doesnt mean i dont like women, i actually do like them). just because no women wants me, since i look aweful, like a monster. To discribe it better, ill tell u a story. one day, when i was on a lift, a boy(and his mom)came in when the door opend, and as he looked up and saw my face, he said "oh my god!!"...
Because of my ugly looking, i had always been picked on by girls(and guys) through all my school yrs. they always jumped on me and often, even punched in my face which made my looking worse. so, from these experiences, i lost all my confidence with women.. even though i like them...
the only woman i can rely on and have physical contact(i mean in a sexual way) with is only my mom. my dad passed away before i recognized he was my dad. i guess we (i and my mom) were both lonely and thats why we had some sex...(not many times!) i dont do it anymore(the last time was a year ago) and i wont either(i swear) but still, i cant mentally shake off my mom, since she still needs me, both mentally and physically.
i guess you might tell me to rent a flat(apartment) to live separately from my mom, but please note that im unemployed therefore living separatelly cant economically an option(and also im not such an independent person).
do you have any other idea?? any good advice wanted