I see all these people talking about confessing their love. It's like watching Densha Otoko playing over and over again. I do hope it works well for all of the Otokos. Radio, Msn and everyone else.
But for me, it seems my confession is long over and there doesn't seem to be a happy ending in site. I've loved this girl for nearly a decade (literally 10 years) now. Six years in, i confessed to her but by then it was too late. We were already as good friends as anyone can be. It's been years since then and for a time we grew even closer and then we grew apart and then closer again. In those 10 years, i've done everything. I've tried not seeing/talking to her. Even tried going out with someone else. But in the end, here I am. Single and still growing more and more in love with her every day.
How can I move on? orz
only if you move to a different area code will you be able to move on.
Thought about that but i don't think it'll happen. I've been on multi week trips and stuff and I swear I see her everywhere. I'm always seeing her in crouds and taking second looks even know it's impossible for her to be there. Everything and everyone reminds me of her. I feel as though i've tried everything and i'm out of ideas T_T sigh ＿|￣|○
and god I can't type today :(
a shot in the dark, but try setting her up with someone.
wouldn't that just make things worse? and god knows she'll get someone eventually :(
you just have to convince yourself it wont work out, it will take time and be painful, but eventually you will be fine.
Just talk with her seriously. Tell her about your feelings, and ask her about her feelings. It's not a thing we should deal with. You should just tell her everything and work out some solution TOGETHER. In my opinion there is no other way...
we've talked about it a billion times. And the only conclusion she suggests is to just stay friends and forget the love business (which is easier for her than it is for me since it's not something i can just shut out. I would if i could). I've suggested lots of times that we should just stay away from each other but one of us always caved in eventually. She misses me as a friend and well... obviously I miss her as a friend and more. orz
someone in the other thread wrote
"In my opinion, love is something you have to fight for. Do anything you can to make everything worth. If you are not able to fight for it, it was not a real love."
i've always approached this with failure in mind...ever since the beginning i've been working so hard to get her out of my head. And though i've done a lot of things for her I've always laughed and said "that's what friends are for". It's probably too late now...but maybe I am supposed to fight for it? do you think so?
>>10 I said it. It's really up to you if you'll fight for your happines or not. If I would not fight for my love, probably I would be dead by now. It was never easy to love, to forgive, to go on. But somehow everything just finished with happy end. And I can say now, that it was not just pure luck. I worked hard for my own happiness. So try to grab your life in your own hands and do something with it. You may fail many many times, but if you won't try you'll never succeed.
Sorry if my english sux, but I hope that you could understand it.
you're english is perfect. I don't understand why you'd say it sucks! it's just that I would like to fight for it but there are a lot of people that say that if she just doesn't love you and only likes you as a friend there's nothing you can do about it. I mean, i'm not going to become a stalker or anything but would things work out if I did try? or will it end up where she only goes out with me because she feels sorry for me or something.
Never become a poor little guy that she will have to take care off. Just be yourself and if you'll become a stalker, don't let her feel that. Don't do anything that can hurt her.
In my opinion you should just seriously talk with her. Meet her somewhere (it should be quiet place) where you can just talk and tell her all that you feel for her. Tell her your worries and your hopes and ask her what does she feel. If she'll say there is no way that we can be together, then don't just runaway, but ask her why. You can expect that much from a person you are considering your friend. If there is no way for you to be together then ask her what in her opinion you should do. I think that people asks too much for help in here, while they should talk more with the ones they love. After all you want to stay with that person for the rest of your life. You should be brave enough to honestly talk with her. If she feels anything for you, she won't laugh but talk with you seriously.
>>13 We have sat down and quietly talked things over. She says she just doesn't feel anything other than frienship for me. We've had a few times where we've sat down and discussed this. One time I suggested that we should cut off communication from each other and she did mention "what if I change my mind in the future?". it was said in a way that meant it was VERY unluckly but still possible. She's even offered to accept my confession but it seems more out of pity than anything else. I can't let her get into a relationship with me if she doesn't feel anything for me at all beyond being close friends.
her stance has always been to just go on and forget all this love stuff and ignore it. But that's easier said than done for me. After all, these feelings, i can't ignore them or i would have already. orz
I know she values me as a friend and she's so wonderful. If I stay and she sees me unhappy she'd be unhappy too. But then if I just leave then that will hurt her too. And when we do stop talking to each other we miss each other. we've made up with us both in tears. But i suppose for different reasons... I wish I could just hide everything and be happy for her. But there is only so long I can do that before I fall apart. At the beginning, all I cared about was making her happy and it didn't matter if she felt anything back for me or who she'd be with. When did I become so selfish?
Hmm... My current girlfriend told me in the begining that she don't love me, but we can try. We were trying for some time, going out, spending time together, acting more and more as a couple, and then after quite some time (about after one year) she told me that she loves me. Maybe you should try to be a couple for some time. Try to imagine her with another guy. That would really hurt you.
If I could suggest you something, just show her this thread. It might show her some of your feelings that she didn't realized. When she'll read it, she should give you her suggestion what to do with it all. Love is not something that you can forget.
"i've always approached this with failure in mind."
Dude, if that's the case, then you were guaranteed to fail before you even began. You're not going to get her. You've lost. Game over. Find another girl, however hard that may be.
no, 11 and 15 are right. I'm not going to go stalker or anything (i'm close enough to her as a friend that unless i start doing the creepy stalker stuff like building shrines or collecting hair, there's really nothing that I could do as a stalker that I couldn't do as a friend anyways). I'm not going to wallow in self defeat/pity anymore. I am going to actively woo (can't think of another term at the moment) her!
(>_<)/YES! (^_^)>
>>2
That hasn't worked for me. Granted, I've only given it a year, but it's been a year, dammit.
>>1
What if you pretended that she was dead? Just throwing ideas out without reading the whole thread.
well...believing in myself didn't work. Tried asking her out for a Valentine's day dinner was rejected. Just can't see me as anything other than a "bestest" friend ＿|￣|о
I was planning to give this anime plushie to her too. I guess it's not like in the tv shows and movies where effort means something huh? If only it was...There's nothing more to put my effort into anymore...nothing that I wouldn't do for her normally anyways. As the mark for bestest friend is so high, there's nothing I could do to outdo myself into potential boyfriend. And in many ways i've been fighting for the love for a good 2-3 years now. the fight seems more and more hopeless T_T
>>19 pretending she was dead? I know I sound stupid saying this, but I don't think I could do that. Trying to not talk to her and cut her out of my life was hard enough. I don't think i could convince myself she's dead knowing well she isn't hehe. concious double think is hard for me. orz
In a month i'll have loved her for nearly half my life. and in the comming years, it'll soon be that I've loved her for more than half my life.
She can never love me and I'll love her for the rest of my life.
well, so I guess I'm back to stage one again...any ideas anyone? :(
I think of all the Valentine Days i've had, this has to be the worst.
Well, if you've tried everything else, attempt to actively woo her. Kiss her, give her gifts, etc. Maybe just act like it'd your version of friendship if she tries to reject.
Do it in such a way that she could only hate you or fall in love with you from it.
And if you consantly act like that and she still wants you to stay around as a friend... would you really be just friends?
Just a random idea, you can ignore me.
I appreciate the advice. It seems actively wooing her doesn't seem to work. Tried to ask her out for Valentine's day and she politely declined. orz
and being declined again, that opened up old wounds. I don't want to admit it but this is really depressing... what else can I try to get over her?
>>21
You could kill her!
>>22
thats a definite no no, that makes things worse, definitely. go out with some buddies for a few beers or some sushi or tempura or something, cheer you up. a guys night out would seem good right about now, and talking about her with them would help. if you have good enough friends, they'll back u up on why shes a b****, and ull forget about her. helped me themsomes
this sound alot like my life, except mine is 7 yrs instead of 10 anyway it all depend on how much u willing to sacrifice for her, as for myself what i did was leave the country and go on a sort of self improvement journey. Take some time off and try to be a better person, maybe someday she her feeling will change, maybe not but as for me im willing to wait as long as i need for her... at least thats my current mindset
and i stop expecting support from my friends coz they always shes get over it or shes not worth it, which just pisses me off. this is a personal battle and only you can decide what to do.
from one hopeless romantic to another. good luck
everyone tells me the whole "your first love sticks with you forever" thing too. can't really afford the self improvement journey of leaving the country. left the country for a trip but that didn't work. perhaps not long enough heh.
from one hopeless romantic to another? it's nice to know I'm not the only one that's stuck like this as everyone else around mee seems to be able to move on after falling for someone. heh I appreciate the good wishes ^_^ good luck on yours as well.
and going out and having people tell me i'll find someone else just doesn't seem to work as well as it used to years ago T_T
well i met the girl while i was studying overseas, and leaving the country for me is returning to my home country. and what gives me hope / have faith for future relationship is this is actually quite common in my family, quite a few of them have to wait over 10 yrs. one them recently got married and have kid after 6 months of dating (and 12 year rejection)so that play a big part in my decision.
what did he do those 12 years?
/sw/
/sw/?
Why can't I find a good guy like this? I guess a hopeless romantic is never blessed with the fate of meeting another.
Or would the experience drive the two people insane?
>_< I'm six months into my year wait, I plan to go visit my b/f this summer, but it's nothing definate. And it's not entirely for him either, I have friends over there so mainly a visit to see them.
With long distance relationships with only the net to communicate through makes it hard to know how honest each other are. I'm surprised my silly skit has strung out this long.
Sorry for the rant..
they keep in contact i think but not that close, just casual friend
>>33
and then one day she just called him up and said I changed my mind?
>>34
i dont know the detail but its something about how shes getting old and need a husband. there is a pressure for woman to get married when they get to mid 20s where im from
ahhh hmm i dunno, this girl doesn't seem to be the type to fall for that sorta stuff. I guess I should stick with trying to move on :( any ideas I haven't tried anyone?
moving on is probably the best thing to do
I'm trying but I feel i've tried everything I could do to get over her and nothing so far has worked. it's been a decade and it still hasn't gone away so the "time will take care of it" thing isn't kicking in. What proactive things are there left that I haven't tried?
10 years indicates either true love, or a psychological problem, depending on who you ask. So she definitely doesn't feel the same way?
yup. can only see me as a close friend T_T It's probably a psych problem. At least I hope it is. If this is true love, then i'm done for.
I just need to find something that will help me get over her :(
porn?
tried that. didn't work. brings back painful memories of another mmorpg tha we played together T_T
lol was hoping for something more permenant, not just something to lose myself in
Speed dating?
good luck, just watch anime or tv, hang out, sleep, exercise, the basic stuff to live
Just don't think about her!
Do some fun stuff... not everything has to remind you of her~
been trying that for a decade. has only gotten worse if anything. the more I try not to think about her, the more everything seems to remind me of her ＿|￣|Ο
either way you can accept the thing that you two can only be good or close friends. personaly i would just accept close friends. but if its that much painful to you then i think your really crazy about her. some how find a way not do have anything connected with her if you want to forget this girl, i think you need to build up your mind so you got a strong mind. but 10 years with a girl... wow.. i guess thats a bit hard to forget. but i reckon you only got three choices... 1. Accept you can only be close friends, 2. some how find a way to forget the girl or 3. Keep trying and maybe one day you get lucky! lol this thread is soo supportive! xD no wonder densha made it...
Speed seduction. Lol! it's the second time i'm posting this answer. It's the same answer for 2 different topics. I've liked this girl for half a decade. It doesnt affect me anymore, and i'm pretty sure that if I met her again I'd do things to her she wouldn't imagine. I'd use her like a kleenex tissue and throw it away. look up ross jeffries's speed seduction in torrents, limewire w/e.
This thread is near the top again?!
Pretend she's dead! Just don't think of her. If you can't continue life past this point, a. seek psychological help, b. move away, c. kill her, d. abduct her, e. kill yourself, f. all of the above not necessarily in order
Or, realize that memories are what makes the spice of life, or some articulate bullshit like that. If you don't put spices on the food of life, you can never satiate your appetite. You can add sugar to the food of life, but it's just a spice substitute. I don't believe it!
HABEEB IT!
>>53
speed seduction o_O
>>21
I dub thee Cyrano #2, only worse. Since the original Cyrano actually would have had a chance if he confessed a few years after the guy's death.
Try to date other women. Seriously. Easiest way to get over someone is to fancy someone else. I still love the first girl i fell in love with, but not at all as badly. It's more of having a friendship with an attractive girl, at this point. But then again I do have a significant other now.
it takes a while to forget someone, take you time
short story time: i "dated" a girl for around 3 months (after knowing her for 5 years) during which time i found out that she really was a psycho and emotionally manipulative. i wanted to be near her, to help her with her problems, but she'd dump all of her emotional baggage on me and i'd feel miserable because of it.
.. after one particularly bad series of events, i realized the only thing i could do was break up with her.
I threw away every piece of writing she wrote me, every picture she drew, etc. EVERYTHING, from her nekkid pics to things she spent hours drawing. i stopped reading her LJ, deleted her from my AIM friends list, blocked her phone# from my cell, etc.
i didn't BAN her from anything, because it was part of my plan: in order to get rid of her, i needed to make her stop liking me.. and that meant making sure she had access to me.
any time she tried contacting me, I would stonewall her and say, "we're finished." "i'm moving on with my life." "don't talk to me again." "leave me alone; you hurt me, and i'm through with being hurt." "no, you can't make things better."
i told my friends that i wanted to stay away from her whenever possible, and they helped warn me whenever she would draw near.
after about 3 months of "communication" like this, she left me alone for a bit.. i, meanwhile, was moving on with my life, finding new people and activities to fill the hole in my life. when she tried reaching out to me again, i shut her down immediately.
but you can never, ever let your guard down if you do this, because she might just come back, wanting to be friends.. but you can never be friends with an ex.
>>58
That depends on what kind of ex, and what kind of friend.
good job on managing to scare her away from your life, though! i hope you won't have to suffer from people like that again.
>>58
that's gotta take some balls, stonewalling a psycho.
I had to knock her out to get her in there. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to carry an unconcious chick in a sack, btw.
>>62
a few friends suggested that i sleep with her before dumping her...
... i didn't. i thought that if i did, she'd be impossible to get rid of. turns out, it wouldn't've mattered in the least.
hindsight is 20/20. lesson learned, no big loss.
hmm...
is everytime you see another girl, it makes you feel guilty with your own feeling?
is she has a boyfriend right now?
we have a similar problem then~
but, i'm seeing someone right now...
though, my feeling is still for her and that makes me like half hearted in getting this other girl.
but we can't be like this forever right!
that's why even with half hearted, i try to make this little "half" to be as big as "one full heart" for this new girl~
to make this thing work with me:
#1 build up my own pride againts her and think: "she's just doesn't that smart enough to know that i'm really fall for her and she's just doesn't lucky enough not to got me as her boyfriend". yeah! i know that is not true since you're the one that is in love with her but it helps alot in mending your "part of heart that are already broke"
#2 stop checking on her myspace profile or whatever that could bring back your memories about her... that could broke your heart again...
#3 if you're a gamer, stop playing romantic games for a while until you got a girlfriend to give your love with.
#4 give your love to you new girlfriend and if your memories are poped up in your head, try to change that girl with your girlfriend (that will make you a bit more romantic with your new girlfriend)
remember... your guilty feeling is your greatest enemy...
i bet she'd never think about you that could made her feel guilty.
it is true that you have a great feeling that she's your future wife right?
if that's true, she'll be nowhere to go...
but what if it's wrong... you have wasted your time waiting for her... right?
wow I totally forgot a posted this. I was reading this and thinking to myself "the situation is exactly like mine!" and then I realized it was mine. two years has passed since then. a lot has happened but at the same time, not much has changed.