I am in college, and in my math class, I met this guy. He's not handsome or anything, but because I suck at math, so he invited me to his dorm room to do homework and study for a quiz together. In the beginning it was normal, just doing homework and me asking him questions, etc. Then he started asking me questions such as do I have a boyfriend, have I ever kissed and then later he invited me to dance... then he started touching me. I stopped him from advancing, but... he is just using me, right? I think he has no interets in me, but just my body?
Can any of you help me out?
it's hard to say. he DID try to get you on a first "date". There are those that say love is just friendship + sexual attraction. It DOES seem like he's rushing to the sex part a bit quick and haven't done much in the friendship department. so my vote would be yes.
> There are those that say love is just friendship + sexual attraction
They're idiots. And wrong.
>>I think he has no internets in me
fixed?
most men really want to just use women, but know that since it isnt that easy, add some feelings to the mix.
thats the cynical view, but it may be true.
In my opinion thats enough of details. It was just an idiot who thought that he may be lucky. Probably asked if you have a bf cuz he did not wanted his ass to be kicked. Everything was ok till the moment he touched you. Don't talk with this guy again. He is just a sex obsessed teenager who think that relationship between man and woman is like in the porn movie.
If you're not an "easy" girl, just don't let such idiots to get too close to you.
>>6 It should also not be forgotten that women often use men and are much more decietful about it.
It does not sound like he is using you exactly, but more that he has interest you. He is only using you if he is being underhanded.
>>9 is right. girls are more likely to "use" a guy. guys will just want sex but I can't think of as many situations where a guy will use a girl for something other than sex. but it becomes pretty obvious and it's hardly underhanded compared to what girls will do.
You sound like some lame ota that cannot deal with women. That guy did something that is called "sexual harrasment". There is no excuse for it.
Whenever a guy invites you to his room, it always means he wants sex. That's a law.
> In the beginning it was normal, just doing homework and me asking him questions, etc. Then he started asking me questions such as do I have a boyfriend, have I ever kissed and then later he invited me to dance... then he started touching me.
This happened over the course of how many hours/days/weeks/months/years?
If it was hours, leave him. Now.
If it was more days/weeks I would probably says he's rushing it.
Months/years however...
Men are all sex obsessed pigs.
How much you wanna bet that in 2-3 days we hear the other side of the story from >>1? He sounds like a fellah suited for this board.
>>17
then all women are nymphomaniacs
Damn... if only. :-D
Well, when i went into the room, music was playing. And then halfway through when we were doing homework, he asked if i knew how to dance. I said no, because I really don't. I'm awful at it. Then later he said, "how about I teach you to dance?" But what he taught me was grinding. You know, as in the bump and grind that you see in nightclub? Well I could feel his hardon, and I mean, I was really in shock. Then he started touching my area down there. I knew I should have stopped him, but I was just too in shock for it. Then I guess he took that I didn't say anything, he continued. And then he touched my breasts too.
The thing you must remember, is that as a girl... no, as a human being, it's your right to say "No" at any given time.
If he so much as breathes on you in a way you don't like, you have the right to say no, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
A female friend of mine was raped because she was just too afraid to say no or even scream. She couldn't get over the shock, and just cried horribly afterwards. Please don't let that happen to you. Just remember that it's perfectly fine to say no whenever you like.
>>22
Er yeah.. He is nasty. I have had guys who I thought were friends just try to "snuggle" with me all of a sudden without saying anything first, and that was weird enough.
But I hope you will let him know right out that you are not interested, because that is the only way it will end. If you pretend like nothing happened, he will try again. You don't have to tell him directly if you don't want to, just leave him a note or something if that's easier.
or kick him in the nuts, that would get the message across.
On the one hand, the guy was a bit too hasty. But on the other, the sexual harrassment stuff can get out of hand. How can any guy ever make the first move? And you didn't tell him to stop or anything right, so what did you do exactly? And I think you said you did in fact stop him eventually, and he didn't keep forcing himself on you. That "freezing up" stuff is dangerous, because it can be used as a cop out.
>>24 is right, say no. But don't be one of those horribly stupid people who get turned on by saying "No" when they really mean "Yes". For some thats a fetish, albeit an extremely dangerous one since most women can fake it pretty well and the guy has to be careful that shes not serious.
I was telling from the very beggining - it was sexual harrasment. >>26 Is right.
its called indecent assault.
It seems rather harsh to be going for sexual harrasment or assault. Yes, I would not suggest being alone in his room again and if you don't want to, don't talk to him. However, grinding is pretty commonplace and he might not have known you were not comfertable with it. Saying he touched you 'down there' isn't exactly very descriptive. That could mean anything from he put his hands on your hips to stuck his hands down your panties and fingered you (and if that is the case, he did assault you)! Just make it clear that you were not ok with what he did, and if it was egegreious I'm sure you can figure out who to contact.
>>24
if she went along with it, she wasn't raped.
But she shouldn't wait till she'll be raped ><.
So, you did not tell him "no" and you went to his room alone? It is not like he can read your mind and know what you are okay and not okay with. You should just forget about him and not be so naive next time.
It is bad to go along with something, feel bad about it later, then say that someone assualted you to make yourself feel better about it.
Number 31 is so right unghhh
and girls complain about a lack of boyfriends.
how exactly are guys supposed to make the first move again O_o
btw.. "grinding" does not equal "sexual assault".. read post 31 before you start your holy crusade against the male gender
Apparently he didn't rape her, and he didn't take it any further than the original poster's vague statements said it went. There's this thing called "making the first move." Obviously someone has to, or else no one will ever hook up. So every time the guy tries to make a move, that's supposed to be sexual harrassment? That's bullshit.
>>39
making the first move doesnt imply you have to touch a woman in inappropiate places, unless the girl is a slut, but >>1 doesnt sound like one. making the first move is usually "what are you doing friday night?" or "who are you going to the dance with?" not grabbing a girls ass, or rubbing your piece all up against her, even if it is packed behind a layer of khaki.
Are you dumb or something? How can you call it first move? When I'm doing first move I'm trying to talk with girl, hold her hand etc. NOT GRABING HER BREASTS!! You guys really sound like a dateless loosers ><. You have no fuckin idea bout the girls ><.
Chicks like it like that.
>>42 And thats the reason why the only girl to satisfy your sexual needs was called right hand?
Nah man just gotta be a little forceful with them.
yeah if you want to be slapped with a law suit.
>>41,43 win.
'Nuff fucking said.
>>41
And that's why they're called 'doku otoko'...
Translate please?
doku otoko: single/poisonous (eg. slimy, no-good ,or what have you) guys
single: 独 どく
poison: 毒 どく
Thank you! =)
How is grinding sexual assault(I'm not going to get into specific legal definitions)? If you read my most, I was totally not defending the guy. I was just saying that we do not have enough information to go on to be yelling OMG HE RAPED YOU CALL TEH COPS!!!!1111ONEOENOENOEENOENEOENEZERO
I think i'm just going to stay out of the whole "how do you make a move" debate. If people could just be honest with their feelings and shit, it would be easy. But apparently, no one wants it that way. Do you always ask a girl before kissing her? If you don't ask some will be pissed and if you do ask some will be pissed because you aren't assertive enough!
and she froze and didn't indicate she didnt want it until it had advanced way too far.
>>53 But you can't treat every girl like a slut just hoping that she is one...
When a girl freezes, you check in on her you dumb shit!
Yeah, maybe every girl should have a big sign <I'm not an easy slut, so don't molest me while I'm shocked>
And you're point is? You still check in on the person. Sex does involve pleasuring the other party too. It's kind of hard to do without checking in. If the other person starts to behave oddly, like suddenly doing his or her best impersonation of bambi in front of a semi, that's as good a time as any to check in.
Body language can also tell you no. Although freezing can in theory be a positive response, it can also be an extremely negative response. Freezing is not a "go ahead" signal. You should check in on a person who is freezing, because for all you know, they're mentally in 'nam.
Yeah, actually, it's not uncommon for a person who is being sexually assaulted to go into shock, and freeze up. Same holds true for victims of violent crimes, or really any sort of crisis situation.
>>40
Yeah the guy made the "who are you dancing with" move... he said how bout I teach you and apparently >>1 AGREED. So apparently she had some interest in dancing with the guy. That was his move, she jumped at the opportunity to get close to him... He took it as signal that things are going good and decided to get touchy feely. If she's known him for a couple of days doing homework etc, he prolly figures she's been around long enough to like him or whatever.
Point is >>1 fucked it all up when it went from DOING FUCKING HOMEWORK to answering personal questions (NO RED FLAGS?) and agreeing to 'learn' to dance with him.
What >>1 SHOULD have done...
Guy: So... do you have a boyfriend.
Girl: Um... I'm here to study with you and I'm not really interested in you in that manner.
Bing. Re-FUCKING-solved. At this point the guy would continue to study with her or say "oh..." feel like an ass then trash on future plans because he was just looking for some action.
And to point it out, WHENEVER a guy asks you "Do you have a boyfriend?" There's a fuckin reason.
The only time a guy will ask you that is when it's your relative seeing if he should hook you up with someone or just wondering if your progressing along relationship wise.
You know, just because a girl likes you, or wants to dance with you doesn't mean she wants you to start grabbing at her pussy!
Are you so fucking sex-deprived that you can't, oh, wait a day?
In addendum:
What Mr. Hotpants should have done:
Guy: Do you want to dance?
Girl: Yes.
Guy: dance
Note: No tits or pussy grabbing involved! Holy shit!
Guess what? I dance with my friends all the time, including friends whom I ended up dating later, and they don't fucking do that. Oh wait, I forgot, they aren't so sexually repressed or dysfunctional that dancing means fuckfuck time.
>>52
those are all VAGUE as I described in my first post, I've touched plenty of girl's breasts in a non-sexual manner
>>63
Yes.
Have I attempted to obfuscate this somewhere?
And those are also all you.
BTW: As you are apparently need this explained, you make the first move by asking a girl out.
how do you touch a girl's breast in a non-sexual manner?
I think that guy is bad news. Get rid of him if he's that quick to want sex from you!
>>68
I hate to tell you this, but all guys who are not gay or impotent want sex 5 minutes prior to any moment of their post pubescent lives. Any time greater than this spent o wining and dining is an exercise in self restraint.
call it cold, call it disgusting, but the truth is ugly, and it all comes back to biology.
in other words, a guy who wants a fast relationship is not an aweful person. different people move at a different pace.
as for me, i'm phlegmatic and glacial.
do you really want a guy with that little ability to control himself as boyfriend?
^ btw I wasn't 13. the number was automatically in the name field from another thread. ^^;;
>>69
LOL 69
Although I'm not sure your estimation is entirely correct, the point is, that you should then excercise some self-restraint and take steps. This is for the good of all parties involved. Otherwise, you run the risk of being guy I laugh at, because he jumped on this girl before he had time to find out that she was a psycho hosebeast.
I don't have a problem with quick relationships. I've had my one night stands, and fast hookups. However, both parties had made it clear they were looking for the same thing.
WTF is wrong with you that this is so hard to comprehend?
Didn't you know? We should all pity the poor men when they grope someone because they are unable to control their cocks, even though they are using their hands.
They're really quite pathetic specimens, and noone should dance with, touch, or even talk to them, because that's consenting to the gropage.
Of course, for some reason in other countries people can go to a nudist beach and not get raped. I guess those aren't men, just women with long clits.
As a guy I have to say that this certainly isn't the case with me. However, I think i'll just add myself into the not-interested category for a different reason, my schizoid personality.
I think >>69 is BS, and I am a non-gay, non-impotent young adult male. So there.
if a man thinks sexually of a girl its natural. It is part of our function as human beings to think sexually about a girl that you like. To answer >>1 question, he isnt using you, he is just trying to mate with you, which is normal. It's so we can reproduce and continue to live as a species. Ofcourse he thinks sexually about you, and touching you is not only sexual but its a form of mating, which includes love. Meaning that he will love you while he mates with you.
but the mating process is not that simple, the girl will only surrender her body, (and her love) only if her instincts (whatever that may be) tell her that he is safe. In your case your instincts were that he wasnt safe, and you wernt comfortable with him. just try again next time, or wait till you meet someone you feel comfortable with. Your instincts are telling you that he isnt the one, and if you think too hardly about it you might make a wrong decision.
>>78
this isnt Wild Kingdom, we dont live in caves anymore. we must respect our women rather than treat them as baby machines.
Signed!
I can't believe people forget that pre-historic man's rules of life no longer apply to intellectually evolved, modern-day man. Prrf.
>>80
So why do man's pre-historic rules of life not apply but women's do?
exactly, with the womens movement women want to have their cake and eat it too.
they want the men to make the first move, but make it prohibitively risky (e.g. sexual harassment suits, assault proceedings).
The culture, at least in america, encourages disrespect toward men as racist sexist pigs, encourages gold digging and using, then women complain they dont have a boyfriend.
finally, women still expect men to be the providers. I say screw that. I call reverse discrimination.
If women still expect me to be the provider, i'll still expect them to be the nurturer, and if they don't conform to that role well screw em because they expect that of me.
I was going for a more philospical route than the pure angsty cynic. For example, what makes man's desire to screw everyone bad (which is innate) while woman's desire to only screw the best she can find (which is innate) good?
Women have more to loose with a pregnancy. Men just want to plant their seed on as many fields as possible.
VIP QUALITY
Don't generalize America to the whole world, pre-historic man AND women do NOT apply to this MODERN day. It's called fucking evolution.
Yes women still look for resource potential etc, but that's because >>84
But notice how single mothers are on the high increase and that men who screw around as much as poss are no longer regarded as the norm.
Prrf.
>>84
And effective use of contraception almost completely negates that. Condom breaks? Take a pill. Shit, didn't notice and you find out you are pregant? Take a pill still
Way to scare off >>1, fellas. VIP QUALITY indeed.
>>84
I wouldn't be so bad if we all lived in a commune like system. The young'uns are the duty and responsibility of every member of the community. This is how it works in tribes, and how it used to work before we "civilized".
>>89
And homosexuals/asexuals were valuable members of such tribes too, since they took care of the tribe's needs more without needing as much back from it as people with children.
To get back on topic though, about >>1:
He might have used you. I'm guessing >>1 had some mild interest in the person, and is worried about that he isn't interested in her, but her genetalia and boobs. Especially since the bloke moved ahead far too quick to somewhere she might not have let him had they even been dating.
Please confirm or deny, >>1.
However, what you need to do now is to talk with him in some publically neutral place, and set the record straight with him. That he really should not have molested you, that it was bad of him to take advantage of someone frozen in shock. And then whatever else, depending on what you want to happen in the future - i.e. if you still want to be friends, or if you want to cut him out of your life, etc.
What's wrong with having cake and eating it as well? I've always taken these things too literally, but come on, what's the point of having cake if you're not gonna eat it?
>>92
Um? Explain? What's having the cake and eating it in this context?
It's hard to scare off an insincere troll.
Come on... "Then he started touching my area down there"? "And then he touched my breasts too." This is supposed to be a college student? It sounds so childish that it can't possibly be serious.
The first post alone should be enough to tip anyone off, but maybe everyone just wanted an excuse to get into a big gender war.
>>95
I would have thought it was a troll, had it not been for the fact that I've met several people who really were like that -___-;;
lol u noob he juz wanna fukc u
A.D.I.D.A.S. like in Korn song...
Some guys tend to think that by you coming to their dorm, it means you are willing to with them. Don't ask but I`ve seen it :P
Are you overly flirtatious sometimes? Did you wear really sexy clothes(i.e major cleavage-baring tops or something) to provoke this behavior?
If not, then this should not be tolerated. I'm not saying file a lawsuit against this guy, but talk to him. Ask him why he touched you there, and that you do not appreciate it. Be a little harsh if you need to, just so he knows his place.