Get a date - get a partner (15)

1 Name: Demian : 2006-05-23 22:45 ID:piDNFY2V

Right, I've searched all threads here, and this topic doesn't yet seem to have come up. I think it really fits here though.

The thing is, as you can guess from the title, that I wonder how to get a date. First of all, I'm interested to hear what actually makes a date, because you might actually meet up with somebody without any amourous hopes, or at least not high hopes/expectations. Secondly, when people say, just ask her, that sounds ok, but very impracticable. After all, and I think I also speak for some others here on this board, I don't actually have that much contact with girls.

In fact, I only recently really understood the concept of flirting in a practical fashion. This is what happened: My pretty neighbour had invited me to go to a charity-action (which involved enjoying various shows) and another, likeable girl went there with us. Afterwards I realized it was a good thing that I didn't do any funny things because there had been no flirting going on. Which just goes to show, how inexperienced I am, how much too learn. (So would this have been called a date?)

Anyway, with my personal skills and experience, a career as a suicide bomber would be less dangerous for me than asking a girl for a date. All my life I have really never really wanted to have a girlfriend, but recently I've had a stressful period (wondering if I was gay, which I am not - but I had to really get around the doubting) and I realize that I actually would really enjoy having a caring partner. (female, for all you jokers;) After realizing that, I feel lonely now (damn!) and am more motivated to pursue getting such a partner.

I'm making this first post way too long. Sorry for that. But I hope that there are people that can give me advice on how to get a girlfriend. It'd be nice if some girls could chip in on this too, like what you expect from a guy, and obviously girls don't always just wait until they're asked out. So some guys can actually tell girls what would make them appreciate a proposal for a date.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 00:04 ID:dpzNdZmW

It's a date when both partners think it's a date. It doesn't happen to be specifically called a "date." My girlfriend and I went on three dates before either of us actually used that word. So you didn't think you were on a date, and odds are that the girls didn't either (seeing as how there were two of them), so it wasn't a date. But anyway, that's all just technicalities you really shouldn't worry about.

>I don't actually have that much contact with girls.

You recognize this as a problem. Very good. Now fix it.

You don't even need to hang out with "girls" per se; just go somewhere were people are. Head to the movies or a concert or something along those lines and make small talk with the people around you. Join a bowling team or art club or whatever you're in to. Great way to make sure that the girls you meet will have similar interests to you.

>a career as a suicide bomber would be less dangerous for me than asking a girl for a date.

I keep saying this over and over on this board; you are not going to get anywhere with girls if you have a shitty attitude and outlook like this. No, asking a girl out is not a life and death situation. What happens if she says no? You say, "oh, well, that's too bad" and, hand to God, *LIFE WILL GO ON.*

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 00:09 ID:5dQufGLX

Well.. first make friendship "work." If all goes well, she will probably give you some hints whether she likes you or not. Wait until the appropriate time comes (very important, not anytime, but the appropriate time), then ask her out.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 03:17 ID:5lnF5Q2L

A date, in my dictionary, means enjoying someone elses company in an effort to strengthen the relationship between the two partners. In fact to call it a date will create unecessary pressure, so its a term best avoided.

Getting a girl is a problem if you don't know any girls, but you do have a pretty neighbor, which I am sure that knows girls. Just become more friendly with her, I mean she did introduce you to that other girl, she can probably help you out. Most girls I know I met through friends, so she can be a real good asset. >>2 has some good advice, just head outside and just look for a cute one. When you find one, just break the ice by saying "hey, im X, its a pleasure to meet you" Ice breakers are hard, but its something that we all must over come. Remember body language is key, look and FEEL confident, women can smell low self esteem from a mile away and you can't hide that shit.

Finally the best way to get a girlfriend is not to try. You don't a girlfriend, so it is not necessary to go out hunting for one, but if you find something that crosses your path take a stab at it and see where it leads to. But I warn you it will take sometime before you can get a girlfriend, but just be patient your time will come. I'll to come up with a list of rules to help you out. But there are no rules in this game, at best guidelines.

5 Name: Demian : 2006-05-28 21:26 ID:piDNFY2V

Thanks, nr >>4, I like that definition. I agree that it is best to leave in the open if you have a date, at least when you're not so close yet. Anyway, I live in a city with a guy/girl ratio which is positively skewed and I have plenty opportunity to meet girls in my life (which I do)

I also agree that the best way is not to appear in need of a partner, because a 'I-need-you-but-you-don't-need-me' relationship is quite appalling.

I'd rather not hear any more advice with the sentiment of 'just be a man and ask her already,' but instead some encouraging proof of why that actually works, or at least someone's positive experience with that method. In that way, I will have more strength to do it. Thanks in advance.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 05:38 ID:PRcljeKC

Just a bit of (off-topic) advice that's been repeated on /love/ a few times:

For your first date, you shouldn't go to the movies/other non-interactive experience if you can do something that is interactive and involves conversation. Personally, I'd go for lunch, picnic, shopping trip, whatever; anything that allows you do get to know her better. Depending on your relationship with that person previously, this could indicate to her your seriousness and ability to socialise, and find overlapping interests.

Of course, if you already know plenty about her, then the whole 'first date' choice is a bit more open-ended.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 14:49 ID:WX3UyyhX

Be honest with yourself about why you want a relationship. Many people say sex, money, marriage, etc. but those come from even deeper drives, such as spiritual, emotional, health/fitness, creative or even a desire to travel and experience other cultures. Above all, try to read non-verbal cues, they usually don't lie

>>5
You can't just talk the talk, it;'s better to actually learn to feel comfortable being alone.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 17:52 ID:Pa51bSkJ

No offense, but no matter what you do, at the end of the day, it does boil down to "just ask her"... I understand it's a special kind of hell if you're shy, etc, but you will eventually overcome this. I was there Myself, a long time ago.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 20:59 ID:d9WySmBC

That is good in some areas of your life, but that is tactless and doesn't show a woman that she's special, appreciated, etc. A romantic connection takes creativity not coercion.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 21:34 ID:qbPcL5Ax

I agree with what's been said here, "just ask her".

Yes, I know it's not easy to do this if you're inexperienced.

I'm too tired to go on a long rant, so I give you one simple advice:

Don't have shame. Being too ashamed/shy to talk to a girl/say specific things to her will get you nowhere. It took a long time for me at least to realize, but there's nothing in life to be ashamed if. It goes hand in hand with confidence - girls will like you more if you are secure in what you do, if you aren't overly polite just because you want the girl to desperately like you etc.

Be confident in what you do, and if you feel like it, do it - I started with my current girlfriend by looking under her skirt and compliment her how nice the playboy bunny on her panties looked. You need to REALIZE that there's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. That's the key to self confidence. Nothing bad will happen if you speak your mind, tell her what you think - and even if you don't get a girl, it doesn't matter - there are tons of other nice, pretty girls out there who are waiting for the right guy. You can be that guy, but only if you decide for yourself in your heart that you're good, and not eaten away by self doubt and lethargy.

Hope that wasn't too much of a rant and that I could help you.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 21:54 ID:d9WySmBC

Agreed. Even if you don't get the chick, speaking your mind can help release some build-up.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-30 09:25 ID:Heaven

Plus you get to see her panties.

13 Name: Demian : 2006-05-30 23:29 ID:piDNFY2V

Ok thanks guys, these tips actually did help. I'll try to get going on. I doubt I will be pantydiving anytime soon, or ever, but I'll keep it in mind!

14 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-06-02 15:56 ID:pvpnIxyT

Demian. You epitomize the essence of the lonely people in this board. I wouldn't call you loser, but rather, 'unaware', 'irrational', and 'highly emotional'.

>Secondly, when people say, just ask her, that sounds ok, but very impracticable.

So how then do you intend to go out with her? Do you have any psychic powers to tell her to go out with you?
It is very sad to me when someone has to give the definition of 'date' in this board. Look, a date involves only two people. You and her. In the date you talk about whatever makes her blush/laugh and be attracted to you. You end a date with the date for the next date and a phone number. (Couldn't help being repetitious.)
I've written this already sometime before. Maintain contact by phone or in person. It shows you care. If you don't, you'll be like the loser that has the girl across the hall and doesn't talk to her for weeks. Finally, practice. Do practice some lines that could work on her in the mirror and don't use cliches. That's all. Oh, and keep in mind that you

>WILL be pantydiving soon.

15 Name: M : 2006-06-30 10:40 ID:yHvOTYuW

>>4

> women can smell low self esteem from a mile away and you can't hide that shit

This is so true! I have experienced this myself several times.

> Finally the best way to get a girlfriend is not to try

And this is too. I was desperate to get a girlfriend but didn't succeed. After many failures I switched tactics: I met a lot of girls just to chat. And there was a girl who eventually became my girlfriend. Too bad we only had 10 months together and sever got homerun. Sadly, I'm still inexperienced and don't have self confidence but at least I'm trying... I just need some luck.

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