Well, I like this girl. She is my best friend. I don't know if I should tell her that I like her since she is in a relationship now, I think it may be inappropriate. I know it won't ruin our friendship and I know she'd go out with me.
Should I just drop hints about my feelings for her? Should I wait until she's single to tell her? How should I tell her?
It's a chemical imbalance. There are three outcomes...
1) She doesn't like you. You cry, and eventually become better
2) She does like you...your happy, stick it in her pooper, everyone wins
3) You do nothing, she finds some other dude, you go emo.
Well, if she is in a relationship now then I think you should just hold off. You should respect that fact that she is in a relationship, and not interfere (unless you had a good reason to, like she was being abused or something, but I assume she's not). If you do tell her, she might feel bad since she has to pick one over the other.
So I should wait till shes single or if shes unhappy in the relationship drop hints?
Thanks.
Yes
I know if I was in a relationship and my best friend told me they liked me, I would feel kind of awkward. And I would be VERY careful around them, afraid of sending any signals that I might like them back.
Its always good to look at things from the others persons point of view. If YOU were in a happy relationship, would you want someone to interfere and possibly make it awkward? And/or make you feel guilty about it?
Do you want to be a rebound? Plus, if you're the reason that her current relationship doesn't work out, who's going to be the reason your relationship with her breaks up? Just wait.
Question: Are you one of the main people she goes to in regards to advice on her current relationship?
Thanks guys
Since she is already in a relationship, you should probably not tell her. It is a very selish thing to do, and it puts her in an awkward situation.
Whether she feels the same or not, it is still pretty bad. What about the other guy? You never know how people will react.
Maybe you like her for the wrong reasons (eg: she's unattainable). Ithat case, the real thing won't live up to the fantasy. Just stop wanting her, leave yourself available for an even better female (one who won't appreciate you rambling on about how you're in love with your female friends).
I agree, hold off a bit. If you know she will go out with you under the right circumstance maybe she'll see she's better off with you than the guy she's currently with. Either way I'm with the rest of the folks here who say that you should wait.
While still answering on the previous question >>10 I asked...I agree with everyone else here. Do hold out a bit...and good luck!
I got a spin on the original poster's (>>1) post...
Been friends with a girl for about 2 years now...met her by chance on the basketball court and found many a coinsidence which brought us really close in a few short months (i.e., Parents knew each other, know same friends, play ball in same places etc). At the time, I really just considered her a friend...and someone else I think I should look out for (it's a common thing for me, I seem to care a lot for my friends in an overly protective way).
Also, at that time 2 years ago, this girl was in a relationship with a guy for what would become 3-years...until she went to University last year and they broke up. Since then, she had a rough time with a guy she liked and went out with, and well, now she is single.
Through the time I got to know her while she was around and the time she was away, still kept in touch, calls, emails, IM...and I can't say exactly when, but developed feelings for her.
NOW, she is back home and we're continuing as always...talking, chatting and being silly. .Do have a lot of fun with her. At the same time, I want to be honest with her about my feelings...but given the timing (just gotten out of rough relationship) and the fact that she says she isn't ready to date again...is putting me off.
I always give the advice to people to be honest and to tell your feelings to the person you care about...but in this case, I honestly can say, there is much to lose...
I dunno...be honest or hold off...truly don't know anymore.
Wow >>17 and I thought I was the only one who gets into these kind of situations. I'm glad I'm not alone. ;) Nonetheless, not an easy choice. A huge part of you is dying to love her and truly hoping that she'd love you back. But it's just hard to say. Not much of advice here, just empathizing.
but how will you know she's ready to date again? I don't think she's going to declare it. maybe she's just waiting for someone to help her be ready again. I'm just worried you're going to wait to long and by the time she's "ready" she'll be dating someone else again.
>>13
Sometimes being selfish is necessary though, otherwise it's just the other person hogging all the selfishness to themselves.
well, RedMuppet, am also glad to know that I am not alone in this. And >>19, thanks for the reminder..I also am aware of that fact. Guess it''s up to me on making a move or not.
No, no one is hogging anything if both give and accept. It is only hogging if one only accepts but never gives.
i'm not trying to push you or anything. I'm glad you're making the decision yourself instead of just doing what people tell you. It's just from my personal experience, things are very delicate at this point and there are so many ways for this to go wrong. more ways for it to go wrong than right.
wait too long and you end up loving your best friend and being stuck in this position for the rest of your life. I hope you won't end up this way. it's just the longer you're around her, the more you'll care for her. and maybe she doesn't feel the same way for you. if that's so, it's better to cut it off before it gets too deep. there is the possibility that the friendship will end. and if that isn't something that's avoidable, it's best to do it sooner than later. it all sits on the edge of a knife. stray but a little...well, any LoTR movie fan can tell you what will happen
I don't get the LoTR reference...but the rest of your comments I understand, >>23.
I am thinking about the friendship in this case....coz this girl has been a big influence on my life since 2yrs ago. I'm a totally different person than when I first met her, and all because she was willing to be friends with me.
I want to avoid losing this friendship...but does that mean I have to completely avoid my own feelings? I dunno...
>>24
I'm the OP, this girl means a lot to me and I have changed a lot since I met her. She has helped me out a lot. I wouldn't want to lose her. I have decided to wait and then tell her, I know (or hope) that if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way, it won't ruin our friendship.
she aint worth it - kill the bitch
if she doesn't feel the same way about you, be sure you're going to be able to get over her while in the friendship. it seems being so close to someone, it's hard to do anything but have those feelings deepen. in which case, there will come a point (perhaps tomorrow, perhaps years down the road) when you still have those feelings and everything goes wrong and begins changing you for the worst and twists you inside.
>>27
Until she's single or unhappy in the relationship she curently has. I won't wait forever though.
My question, too...
The same thing happened to me a while back.
Same in what way? Did you confess to your best friend?
>>35
I asked her out and she said she would have said yes if I had asked her out before.
>>36
That was a lie. You can't believe everything people tell you, especially not what girls you're "hitting" on say
>>38
I assume you know from first-hand experience :-)
I have to agree with >>37 girls who are eager and "don't want to hurt the guy's feelings" end up telling all manner of lies
Eager?
OP here. What if she ever asks me if I like her (wgile she is in a relationship)? Should I be honest and tell her or wait like you guys said?
Seeing that you don't know to yes or no to that question OP, just avoid it, with a bullshit answer. Ask her if she feels insecure about the relationship she is in and if she is trying to subsitute the lack of affection from her current relationship with yours asking that question. And ask her if you said no, would she feel even more alone because noone likes her, then say yes to make her feel better.
Isn't that the equivalent of "leading her on?"
OP here.
We have been hanging out a lot lately. Somehow we got into the subject and she said that if she had the chance she would go out with me. :D
wouldn't that be your queue to CREATE the chance?
>>47 I don't know. I will keep this updated.
Thanks guys.
I can tell you from experience, it will only end in tears.
She asked me if I like her. I told her that I do like her. :D
>>49 :[
I'm currently going out with the girl who was (and still is) my best friend. We have our ups and downs, and things were really rocky at the start... but we pretty much live together now. It all depends on your situation. I had liked her a long time ago, but I put it away and even set her up with one of my friends. They went out for a year and eventually broke up. We got closer, and one day she just came out of the blue and told me that she liked me. (Actually it was one night about 3am we were working on a project together before the end of the semester, and she phoned my house. Angry dad inquired in the morning XD;;) I've learned things about her that I never even knew. She's made me the happiest person alive. Sure, I don't hang out with some of my friends as much as I used to but... she's worth it. I know it seems like this won't get sorted out for some of you guys, but sometimes there are happy endings to this stuff. Just hang in there!
I think you are better off having told her that you liked her, I missed an opportunity similar to this before and I still regret it. We eventually lost touch because I couldn't deal with seeing her with her idiot boyfriend.
You have been braver than me, I salute you and hope I hope it all works out for you