Just so you know, you can skip the next three paragraphs and read the actual problem, all the other rant is just background information about my experience that might (hopefully?) help finding a solution.
It's been a while since I started having sexual experiences. I find masturbation (just by myself) not very appealing, and aside for some experiences with a boyfriend I'd rather forget, most of the stuff I've tried have been with my current mate. We had dated before, and he was my first sexual experience, which basically was groping and masturbate each other. He wasn't a virgin and has always been a bit of a pervert, so sex was something he had been looking forward since the start. On the other hand I was a naïve virgin with the firm decision of waiting until marriage. Because of other some problems, but I personally think because mainly of the whole sex problem, we ended up breaking up. My childish attitude broke us apart and we pretty much stopped talking to each other for two years.
Two years pass and we're still acting like morons, but for reasons of destiny -or more like because of my laziness- I ended up having to go to summer classes (pwnd by the Math teacher). For my bittersweet surprise he had also failed math and we were going to be in the same classroom. I finally swallowed my pride and decided to try and recover the friendship I once had with him. At first he wouldn't even answer me or even look at me, but a friend of mine persuaded him to at least answer me. We had previously send some e-mails to each other and he said that he didn't want to be my friend anymore because it was certain that he would fall in love with me again, but I thought it was going to be alright. Buuut he was right, and when I told him I loved him very much, but in a friendly way, he got really pissed off and stopped talking to me again. Eventually he gave me yet another chance and that's when my heart decided to stop working with my brain and started listening to my hormones. I went almost dialy (except sundays, family day) to his house that ended with heavy make-out and touching each other, specially in the bathroom shrugs.
I still didn't want to have sex until marriage, but when I told him I was going to go to another country for a couple of weeks for vacations he got really depressed. You couldn't tell by just looking at his face, but sometimes he would stare silently at me with such a serious expression, and then bear-hug me for long periods of time. When three days were left before my trip, we were hanging out in his house and I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. He went in too, and as he usually does, turned off the light and closed the door grinnig like an idiot, and we started kissing. The kisses led to touching and the touching led to nakedness. We were so concentrated that I just took of my panties and thought "This is it". He was surprised by my decision, but didn't think twice and started entering me slowly. I'm sure I've never experienced such a strange and overwhelming feeling, and it felt great until I got nervous about the timing (menstruation had passed two weeks ago, and we didn't have a condomn).
I'm not sure if my nervousness was a factor or not but I didn't got to get an orgasm, and even if we have had lots of sexual experiences I have never had one. I don't know if it's because of the guilt factor, something that happened in the past but I can't remembrer, or I was just born anorgasmic. A couple of days ago he came to my house and we had sex for hours, it was fantasting. In the end I was too tired so I asked him if we could just take a bath and relax, and we did. We took some photos and fooled around, I felt so happy, but even then I couldn't reach the orgasm. It's not a big deal, but I'm starting to feel frustrated, and I don't want him to feel incapable or something. Is there anything I can do about it? Please give me some advice, I really want to get rid of this problem.
I like the word anorgasmic.
Knowing this kind of stuff probably makes me quite the perv, but here are some tips. It would be better if a girl were to answer this though.
-An orgasm is something personal, not shared, so you need to focus a lot on yourself to get one. Basically you need to keep track of the good feeling in your vagina and make it grow. An orgasm is not an explosion of happines, but the climax of stimulation.
-If you are gonna have consensual sex, you'd better wholeheartedly stand behind it. Do you have sex now because you cant save your virginity anyway, because of that crazy bathroom scene? not really a good reason. Do you have sex because your boyfriend wants it? Not really good, but not really bad either. It would be best if you had sex not only because you love each other(s bodies), but also because you want to feel good.
-Remember that Jesus never said anything about virginity at all. The main reasons why christians even bothered about virginity was because 1) they wanted to set themselves apart from the rampantly promiscuous romans. 2) Jewish influences (with their strict laws) 3) The idolisation of the virgin mary.
So if you were planning to be a shining light in a pagan society, you should be a little ashamed, but otherwise nothing bad.
-They say that women who want to get an orgasm are best to practice how to get one on their own by masturbation. This should be done in a relaxed place where you won't be disturbed for at least an hour. Don't fixate yourself on orgasming, that is way too tiring, but do focus on the good feeling, and experiment with how you can make the feeling larger.
Oh yes. You are idiots for having sex without a condom. Seriously.
>>2 WE ARE.
But aside from that, I think I may be obsessing to much about it. Before my problem was taking too much care of pleasuring him and fulfilling his needs instead of mine, but now I don't concentrate enough on my body. And I'm stupid for not saying it enough in the first post, but yeah, I want to have sex with him because he's the only idiot I would ever come back to (in other words, I love him so much I would give away everything I believe in, then smack him in the forehead and call him an idiot. And then kiss him and snuggle with him).
About the whole virginity thing, I didn't do it because of my religion but started with something simplier. While watching a TV show whose name I can't remember, there was a couple talking to a priest, and he said something like "if you have sex before you marry, what will be so special about the honeymoon? You won't be giving anything you haven't before" or something like that. This made me think alot about the subject, and I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to have sex before marriage because: 1) I wanted to give my body to the man I love and want to marry, 2) The tought of having sex with more than one person makes me feel kinda dirty, and 3) Well, maybe there is a little a little influence from my religion, but it's not as relevant as the other points.
He's confident we will marry at age 24. I just sneer and mock a little, but the truth is I would love to have him as my mate as long as possible.
On the other hand Jesus made clear that there is only one relationship, one marriage, and marriage is who you stick your dick into, not the symbolic ceremony, hence the law to marry a woman you've forced yourself on in the law of moses. God thinks no differently of this today, so don't throw your bullshit around. If you remarry -and get it right now that I've clarified(so you don't say that people who hasn't exchanged rings can go around and fuck at will)- you commit sin. For whatever reason, you are not even allowed to remarry if your wife fucks someone else, you may deny her yourself if you feel so inclined, since she has in reality divorced you, but you may not take another wife yourself, only reunite with your current one. Only if your partner dies you are free to remarry, since marriage is only an earthly union and is dissolved when we part with this world.
It's all in the book if you ever care to read it.
Why do you worry? Isn't the main pleasure of sex to give your partner pleasure? Thats how I get off. Stop thinking and start feeling, not yourself but him. >>2 has masturbated too much and is wrong, you're not supposed to get the pleasure from yourself, if that's your idea then you will fail, unless your bf is a sex-guru and you are a natural born egoist who don't give a shit about anyone but yourself. Youre supposed to get pleasure from giving pleasure, set your mind to that.
The way I see it, your problem lies in your mindset being a shitty mixup of two schools, naturally you trust your instincts to give the right way, but you expect to get pleasure the wrong way because you've participated in sex ed. Forget about all the shit you've learned if you can, and focus entirely on what you have instead of what others have said you should get. Whats still great about sex should be your main concern, and if you can find pleasure in that per my instructions things should start working for you.
Also if he's confident you'll marry and you want that, why are you sneering and mocking? Cut that out, even if it's jokingly it will get old. Tell him how you feel instead, unlike us he would actually give a shit and probably be happy like a little retard. Thats a pearl in your hand but only to him, yet you present it to us instead.
>>4 Now I have two different opinions :D.
I'll never stop thinking on ways to pleasure him, but what I meant is that a couple of years ago all I could think about was make him happy, give him pleasure, do what he wants, and not for a second thought about me. I was like this with everyone and gave me lots of lonely sad nights (I was such a cry-baby.. Ah, the angsty youth). But yeah, if he's enjoying the ride I couldn't be happier... But yeah, gotta start feeling rather than thinking.
And it's not that all I do is mock about it, I'm kind of an agressive girl and usually cover my shyness and embarrasment with smirks. But in the end we're at the same love-struck level, and love to show it to each other.
Well theres nothing wrong with being a bit shy about being honest as long as you are, it's just another sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. You have no reason to cover anything from him, if you do it will eventually break you apart. At first it's only cute, but as I said in the long run it will lose it's appeal and create rifts instead.
Anyway, if you couldn't be happier as long as he enjoys himself there really is no problem then? The main point about sex isn't to reach orgasm or whatever, it's to have a good, intimate time together, it's to satisfy that urge to be one, both mentally and physically. You really got to appriciate that part most, it's what makes it special. Eventually you'll grow closer together intimately and this sex-thing will get better with time. You should help your relationship too by not ruining it with useless expectations and influences from the outside.
The more you want, the less what you have will be satisfactory. If you had no previous knowledge or experience of sex, it would all be totally new and immensely exciting when you started exploring this thing, even if it by common intellectual standard would be complete failiure. There would be no "omg he comes too early I don't get to orgasm this relationship sucks!", rather there would only be appriciation for all the things that are still pleasurable, it couldn't be better and still it would keep getting better with time. So just forget all other influences and expectations, have something that is completely unique to you two and there is nothing to be sad about.
Yes.. Thank you for putting everything in extremes again, >>4 and >>6, although I have to admit that you do raise some issues that would otherwise just be waltzed over.
First of all I never implied that a relation in which the sexlife is not fulfilling cannot last. Secondly, and perhaps I wrote this a little less clear - I never wished to imply that during sex you focus only on yourself. The point there was that focussing on your partner continually is probably not the way to orgasm. Fortunately for me, >>4 hasn't made any effort at all to show that he's better informed about orgasming than me (so we're both nitwits).
In my opinion, orgasming was the point. Even though a healthy relationship is a far more important topic, its not really the subject here, so we needn't talk about it. Why? Because I believe >>1 is perfectly capable to make her own decisions and evaluate the whole situation. She never asked us to evaluate her relationship at all, so its rude to push it in her face then... huh, >>4?
Finally I've got to admit that I ain't christian myself, and apparently the christian (virginity) problem doesn't cut much wood for >>1 anyway. Still, on a level of personal interest I'd like to know where Jesus actually said you can have only one woman during your life. (which imho can only be in the 4 gospels)
Matthew 5:31-32
Matthew 19:3-9
Luke 16:17-18
This passage might also interest you:
1Corinthians 7:10-11
Also he didn't say 1 during your life, I said if someone dies you're no longer bound to that union, and that also holds true for spiritual death, if someone leaves both the unity of christ and their relationship within it, and all attempts to recover this person fails, the one left behind is no more bound to that person than he/she would be to someone dead:
1Corinthians 7:15-16
>>She never asked us to evaluate her relationship at all, so its rude to push it in her face then... huh, >>4?
Well I had the objective to help her with the orgasm issue firmly in mind but I always believed laying a solid foundation is the best approach to solving any matter. The main problem here is peoples worries and expectations about sexual performance, not their lack of skills and knowledge. Can you appriciate that? Thus, to help someone, you should bring them out of the confusing maze of thoughts and ideas about sex, back to a clean start and work your way from there. The body is fully capable of working it's functions unless our thoughts screw it up. Proof? When our mind work with our lust instead of against it(i.e. it doesn't interfere), most people are quite capable of having orgasms without even touching themselves. It's all about letting yourself go, and if you can fully do that together with someone else, well it should be a walk in the park for both parts.
And it's paramount to remember that the basis of lust is to be one in thought, feelings and body, it's a natural instinct. To play in the hands of that is to drive not to remain within yourself as you connect with someone, but to transfer your mind unto them. So if your mind looses sight of this and remains within yourself trying to focus on personal performance, the experience will definately suffer even if you do reach an orgasm.
All three gospel passages say the same thing. Married people should not divorce unless there's a really good reason. I'd like to point out btw that it seems as if only the man can divorce his wife, not the other way round.
Let me next assure you that I am not out here to refute you, or the bible. I search for truth. It may be difficult for me to find truth in the bible because I am not christian though.
These passages are clear about the status of married people. But what about unmarried people? I can read for myself what Paul wrote to the Corinthians, a very promiscuous people btw - requiring a tough words to make christianity work, but there again he mainly talks about marriage. >>1 however is not married. Now I'm not sure, but I don't think the bible really calls sex before marriage inappropriate. Does it? And does it make a difference a couple likely to marry, and a couple not likely to? Wherein lies the holiness of marriage anyway?
My bible interpretation is more right than your bible interpretation.
>>1
Personally, I've never had an orgasm when I've been nervous or stressed, in spite of that my fiance is damned good in bed and normally is great at getting me off.
>>2 says very wise things, including the thing about unsafe sex.
Don't have unprotected sex again, please.
>>4
You are supposed to get pleasure from giving, yes, but also from receiving. If you're too hellbent on being 100% certain of giving really well, you'll be too focused on that to get off. I know this from personal experience.
As said, focus on having as much fun together with your partner, and not on getting either of you off.
You may find it boring, but try to get to know your body well by yourself, so you can help him with getting better at doing all the right things for you, and thus making the experience more fun for both of you.
Excuse a long answer.
>>All three gospel passages say the same thing. Married people should not divorce unless there's a really good reason. I'd >>like to point out btw that it seems as if only the man can divorce his wife, not the other way round.
Yes you may divorce your wife/husband if there has been a case of adultry, but you may not remarry, you are only allowed to reunite with your legal wife/husband. It's directly stated in
Luke, and in Matthew it can be understood by the statement that marrying a divorcee is breaking his/hers previous marriage.
And it does apply to both men and women, back in those days you just addressed the men in speeches since they were always the head of a family unit, if you addressed them you also addressed their family. If rules between men and women differed it was further specified.
Sex is marriage, you'd go in and lay with a woman and thus marry her because it is when you have intercourse you become one before God. Preferably though you should have had an agreement with her guardian but skipping that only made you responsible to pay a fine to him, it was not punishable by whipping or death. But it's for the sake of keeping peace between all the involved parts, parents and aquintances, that the marriage ceremony is held, but in itself it doesn't mean anything because it's only symbolic.
So there is no sex before marriage, I've seen plenty of people trying to cheat the word of God, making excuses to turn others and themselves into whores, but they are easily turned down by simply stating that the person you've copulated with is the person you have married, you are not allowed to leave him/her. And no you do not get away with just petting and stuff like that, if you do that because you try to avoid marriage you will be forced on it, just like a man who had taken a woman without consent had to stay with her in the law of moses. Anyone who thinks he/she can trick justice and truth will be humiliated.
And true, the Corinthians were rampantly promiscuous but so were the jews, and so are we today. The rules do not change, they are either hard or easy because we change.
>>And does it make a difference a couple likely to marry, and a couple not likely to?
I don't really get you here but I can say this, it pleases God more to see a couple staying forever faithful to eachother without having a marriage ceremony, than a couple who have one but no fidelity to go with it. God does not care for rituals and symbolic sacrifices, he cares about love, mercy, faithfulness, meekness, compassion, honesty, etc.
>>Wherein lies the holiness of marriage anyway?
It's a reflection of Gods bond to humanity, through the relationships he has given us, he wants us to understand him. As man was made in an image of God, the woman was made in an image of man, so the mans relationship to his woman is an image to us for Gods relationship to humans, and the womans relationship to her husband that of our relationship to God. As you strive to live by the word of God it becomes increasingly clear how important this image is, and how much we through it illustrate our understanding of and love for Gods will. By how we love our next we show our love also to God, what interests him is that we for the sake of his word keep righteous peace and companionship between us.
I never said you should concetrate on how to please I said you should just go with your lust, let yourself go I said, and you will naturally be turned to please because that is the essence of lust, unless you've somehow messed up your mind and thats no rarity at all.
And no theres no need getting to know your body until you have actually done it. If you leave it virgin soil you will have no preferences, and then, when the one you love comes along, the one whos every word and actions are holy to you, he will give you your preferences, because what he does to you in bed will be as holy to you as what he says or does otherwise. He will give you the places you love to be touched and the ways you want to have it, not you. That is love.
You think it doesn't work like this? You know that our sexual preferences, where and how we want it, is almost entirely based on mental ideas, not physical proneness, and our mind still has such a strong influence over our sexuality that under the right circumstances only mental stimulation can make a person explode who can't possibly come by physical stimulation alone. So if our mental preferences are dictated by someone who by his/hers natural sense of passion gives it to us, that person will be the best ever at satisfying our sexual needs.
But ofcourse people prefer to irreversably ruin that because they think they're smart.
don't like this christianity. It's so strict! as creatures of God, why do we have to follow all these rules? why can we not enjoy life? I thought 'everything is permissible before the lord'?
Frigid onanoko also unhappy about God's inefficiency. I don't see God. I tried to talk to God, let God into my heart. But the only voice replying my questions was Frigid Onanoko... waah! Why did God not give Jesus straight away? with all these convents he made, Adam and Eve, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, etc, and all the friggin' prophets.... Seriously! what else can I say than that he's just blundering about? And then this communication thing. Why is it that regardless of who you talk to, the people who can hear God are always 'other people?'
Also. FO dont believe in the devil. oops. trouble. no. Frigid onanoko unhappy with God, He's not doing a good job at marketing.
>>don't like this christianity. It's so strict! as creatures of God, why do we have to follow all these rules? why can we not enjoy life?
What makes you think we are creatures of God? You are born of flesh and have no likeness in him, then ofcourse you can't appriciate what he loves. To a spiritual being his words are love and life, to an earhtly being they are a pain in the ass.
>>I thought 'everything is permissible before the lord'?
lol I'd love to see the context of that quote.
>> I tried to talk to God, let God into my heart. But the only voice replying my questions was Frigid Onanoko... waah!
Why do you think he would answer questions you presume to have answers for, why would he answer questions he has already brought clarity in? People don't listen, they just want to hear his voice, yet they know not what they ask for. If you don't percieve Gods soul, how can you see his face and hear his voice? He is spirit, not flesh. If you do not become a spiritual being, born of him, you will neither see nor hear him ever. The Word of God, Christ, is a seed, it cannot come to life unless you plant it in good soil.
>>Why did God not give Jesus straight away?
Because then there were none to save. If you knew what it takes to create gods then I guess you could have an intelligent discussion with the Creator about his deeds. If you don't, live the part he has given you, you are supposed to know only whats relevant to you.
And in that regard I won't answer the other questions. You may however read this passage because it may hold some points of interest for you, if you can bear to grasp it: Romans 9:9-27
so really, noone can understand God, but christians understand hi m better? I don't percieve Gods soul... OOOPS! so I can't talk to him? What about Paul before he was converted by heavenly intervention? Anyway, so I'm not a spiritual being, unable to perceive God. Not even in church. Please don't tell me I need Jesus to become a spiritual being.
>Why did God not give Jesus straight away?
>Because then there were none to save.
Thank you God. Because you didn't give Jesus straight away, a lot of people went to hell already. that's.. just..great.. Or are you now gonna say that there will always be a portion of humans who will err away from God? That's one irresponsible God for you!
>People don't listen, they just want to hear his voice, yet they know not what they ask for.
Hey, my father listens to me, even if I don't know what I am really asking. We have arguments, but I believe in my dad, so why can't God be more like that? currently, its as if I had to read about my own dad in some dodgy book. Sorry, I can't love characters in a book! It'd be easier if the bible was an anime series but even then.....
Wow.. I'd think people wouldn't advise romans 9 to nonbelievers without guidance. Shouldn't you consult with your pastor before you try to make people christian? or are you just threatening with the wrath of God? Anyway,
>Though the number of the Israelites be like the sand by the sea, only the remnant will be saved.
What a caring God! Supposedly loves all the little grains, yet already calls the majority a lost cause. A little more communication wouldn't hurt the sand on the beach you know!
>I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.
>He hardens whom he wants to harden.
Sounds pretty random. So yay for the free will! God does what he wants to, and there's no way we can do anything about it.
>>so really, noone can understand God, but christians understand hi m better?
No the ones God have decided to show himself for may see him. And this will happen by them becoming one with the Word, the will of God. Paul got that mercy because in spite of his actions, God had planted something of value in him that he wanted to cultivate.
>>Please don't tell me I need Jesus to become a spiritual being.
I don't need to tell you that.
>>Or are you now gonna say that there will always be a portion of humans who will err away from God? That's one irresponsible God for you!
No I'm gonna say that most people were never even intended for the kingdom of heaven. They don't "err" away from him, they were never even close to begin with. Stop looking at our flesh thinking we are the same creations before God, you should instead appriciate the difference between your way of thought and Gods and realize you're not even a similar creature. There is a people who have no home on this earth, they are not of it, they have been called out to be descendants of God. You have nothing in common with their kind. Salvation is intended for them, not the others.
>>Hey, my father listens to me, even if I don't know what I am really asking.
Well your spiritual father is not God. You want God to be by your standards, you think you create God, not that God creates you. You should realize that were you intended for salvation, you are by no means a finished work, then you can't take the impulses and ideas produced by your incompleteness and have them be a standard by which the Creator of the universe must fit. You bow down before him, not the other way around. You obviously do not realize your place in this.
>>Sorry, I can't love characters in a book
lol, yeah right. Besides, you're not supposed to love God, he knows you can't, you're supposed to love people by his will, thats the only way you can reach out to him. If you cannot love what you can see, how can you possibly love what you cannot see? So thats how you initiate the conversation you're looking for, thats how you say "hi" to God.
>>Shouldn't you consult with your pastor before you try to make people christian? or are you just threatening with the wrath of God? Anyway,
The ones the Word is intended for are not offended by it, it gives them hope, comfort and joy, it makes them go "I knew it!", it makes them feel like they have finally found the way home. I'm not trying to make you a christian nor am I threatening you, I throw this out here because you asked for it.
You need to realize that those who God speaks to are not intended for this world, they have nothing in common with it's children, they hate what this world is and what it makes us, and the world hates them in return. Therefore they either hide themselves in their hearts, or become outcasts, until the Word finds them and calls them out of the darkness.
>>Supposedly loves all the little grains, yet already calls the majority a lost cause.
Supposedly is the right word. He has personal attachment to all his creation through his love, but love appears differently depending whom or what it's shed upon. But believe me when I say, already at the beginning, only a select few were intended to recieve Gods love as a father.
>>Sounds pretty random. So yay for the free will!
It would be random, true, if it was Gods intent to make heavenly beings out of all men, but he never said that, and not anywhere in the Bible says it anything about free will.
>>God does what he wants to, and there's no way we can do anything about it.
Indeed, thus, those who believe and trust in him have nothing to fear, just as the bible claims.
Scientology for the win!
is this board love and romance or religion? i think i'm lost.
>>20
arguably there is a love relation with Jesus and or God. Besides, I think the thread title is very fitting for this subject.
THERE IS NO GOD
THERE IS ONLY ANONYMOUS
>>8
What relevence does the fucking BIBLE have in this conversation?
No proof that God exists -> entire bible worthless.
Right and wrong are a matter of perspective; you can justify anything with the proper experience to back up your conclusion/choice.
"Love" is a chemical reation whithin the brain that is associated with various stimuli. Love is not a force or an aura. It is just your brain going "Hey, thats my allocated mating source. Lets tap that ass and spread some genetic material so I can get a buzz"
>>14, you are a whiny bitch. The fact that Christaianity interferes with your potentially guiltless sex is not the reason that Christianity is a load of bullshit. Christianity is a load of bullshit because there is no empirical, testable evidence that god exists.
The only argument for god's existance is twisted retard logic, like "oh yah, well where did the universe come from HUH"
God of the gaps. There is a gap in our understanding so lets plug it with a god. God is a cheap plot device.
read here for moar. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_of_the_Gaps
>>21
sounds kinda fucked up, having a love relationship with a dead person, and a male one at that. don't you religious folks frown on shit like that?
I don't associate with religious folks, 25. If you take a little time, you should see that >>21 is phrased in a speculative fashion, which hints at my position in the subject.
You bring up the "God of the gaps" theorem. If you read the whole wikipedia article, you'll find that theologists are well aware of the weakness of this argument. The same wiki also links to "Deism" which you would have done well to read. It is the belief that a god should be accepted through logic and reason only. This is an appealing idea, but is it fair to truth to accept it?
>>What relevence does the fucking BIBLE have in this conversation?
Statements and questions answered if you cared to notice, I didn't bring it up in the first place.
And well I wrote an answer to your statements too but it's pointless to post it, now isn't that right?
So I won't.
>>28
There is no proof that god exists. Therefore, the bible has zero credibility.
In your earlier posts you were counterattacking an idiot. A low tier atheist with little experience breaking down the ignorant.
Here is where I shut you down.
heh, low tier eh? And you're one of the late level bosses I guess?
>>Provide proof that god exists.
Proove that all information contained in the bible is factual.
Are these sum empirical evidence God does not exist? Because I heard you say God, I quote, "IS" a plot device. You know how it is? With science? Do you think humanity did scientific discoveries by sitting on their asses going: "There are no empirical evidence we CAN do this and that so I'm going to be a smart fuck and not even try!"
Yours is the voice of the lazy, ignorant moron who never gets anywhere. If you applied that logic to the rest of your life you would self-die and you know it. You don't live by that standard, you don't progress by it. Conclusion; you don't even want to know God lives, you WANT him dead. Your words scream this, and still you say: "Give me the proooofs!!"
I can't stand hypocritical shit like that. I bet you thought you were a real smartass with the empirical approach didn't you? If you wanna be sure to prove to other theists what an intelligent little fleshwhore you are, find a new excuse because srsly only ignorant people will buy that crap.
>>30
way to fail. try again.
1 Provide proof that god exists.
2 Proove that all information contained in the bible is factual
I'm a low tier atheist! (>>29) nyah! Frigid onanoko unhappy about the way this thread evolving.. For a selfrespecting person, >>30 is way too much of a slanderous rant to be constructive. What all this slander for? it no help fo, it no help >>31, it not helping anyone. Maybe helping show christianity in bad light...
No, frigid onanoko no like. I feel that every human should have the right to become a heavenly being. A God that decides who is going to heaven and who is not just because he is God, is nothing more than a dictator. Anyway. If >>15, >>17 is Christian, advise to quit ranting in defence for christianity. I think Paul already mentioned to keep some dignity about christianity for the sake of the faith.
Frigid onanoko sad.. say goodbye now.
Wow, when did my problem became a religion thread?
Well, I don't really want to know. I'm back here for some more suggestions...
So last week we went to a concert. I'd been sick for some days by then, and later that night it started raining. I kissed him once so I guess my infection plus the rain got him the flu, too. A couple of days before I failed to get to a date to the movies with him (had a partial proyect to finish and one of my my teammates started bitching a lot when I told her I was leaving earlier, and I couldn't manage to convince her), and since then he had been acting pretty serious and indiferent to me. The night of the concert I confessed that I wanted to be his girlfriend, that I was ready to start going out with him as a solid couple, and at first he was a little surprised but happy, and said he wanted to be my boyfriend, too. An' it was good.
Until the morning after.
Next day I see him at school and I try getting into a conversations, but he seems bored or simply not interested. A friend approaches us and he starts talking normally to him, which confuses me. Some time ago he would have acted cheerful and do stupid but cute things, like poke my stomach while grinning at me or send me little kisses. Now he barely talks to me at school, and sometimes answers to my caresses and loving words. He used to smile to me a lot, but now I almost always see him with a serious expression when talking to me. This has been going on not since the failed date accident, but since we had sex for the second time (condomn included, kthx). I don't know if it's because I did something wrong, or because I asked him to stop and take a shower (we did it two hours straight and he was freaking humping like a bunny in heat x_x the next days it hurted a little bit when I peed. If it was because of this, it's not my fault I'm not used to fuck for God's sake).
I don't get what's going on, I've tried talking to him but it's like talking to a wall, he keeps acting that way and I don't even feel as if he really is happy for my desicion of solidifing (sp? don't really give a damn..) the relationship. This is starting to depress me big time, people. It's been awhile since I've ever cried so continuosly for something that may as well just be in my head. He has said so much things to me... He said he wants to marry me, he said I've been the only woman (I always tell him I still am just a girl, but he insists I'm already a woman for his eyes) in his life. He had said such beautiful words to me but then suddenly starts simply not treating me at all.
I didn't plan falling for him yet another time, I just wanted his friendship back but ended up loving him again. I'm always thinking about him and worrying about his health, taking care of him like a baby, and whatnot. Why do I feel like now I'm the only one who cares about where this relationship is going?
sigh
> 1 Provide proof that god exists.
Well, in my point of view, I just look around in the world. I see all the huge diversity of nature, I see all the complex relationships between living things, I read about the complex working mechanisms of our bodies and I just conclude that all this stuff just cannot be the result of merely random changes.
Some intelligent higher power must exist!
As a programmer, I know very well that if you randomly change a program's code the result will be crap most of the cases. The same goes for DNA as it is a storage of information, just like the bytes in a program's code.
That doesn't mean that I deny the evolution theory completely but I just cannot believe that all the advanced life forms were developed from single celled amoeba like creatures by random changes.
This alone is enough proof for me that God does exist.
>>35
That's not proof, that's belief. WHERE IS DA PROOF
people who believes god exist purely based on faith are insecure
people who reject god's existance based on lack of evidence are idiots
people who look for evidence of god's existance need to spend their time better
people who argue about religion in a love and romance thread in this BBS needs to stay off the internet
people who post >>37 need to learn to sage, not post useless posts and die.
>people who argue about religion in a love and romance thread in this BBS needs to stay off the internet
>>39
i fail at saging D:
You all fail for ignoring Tanuka's pleads for help in favour of this shit. Especially >>38 for doing what he thinks others should die for.
Honestly, putting your posts together, it's sounds like an old familiar story.
I suggest you try again to have a really honest conversation with him about this. Tell him about your fears, tell him how you feel. Really make sure it's best he tell you how he feels too, no matter what.
A relationship needs to be based on complete honesty, it's a part of love.
Also a few questions:
Are you still having sex? Regularly?
How long has he been like this? i.e. how long has it been since the second time?
Is he always cold, distant, indifferent, or are there times when he's his old self about you? If so, when, and think about why that may be.
I was planning on telling him on friday, he usually comes to my house that day (except last friday, he had some stuff to do at school or something.. sigh Don't really know the details), and most of the day no one but us is at home, so I think maybe being just the two of us will help me grow the balls to actually tell him how I feel and ask him to tell me what he feels/wants/thinks. I absolutely agree with you, relationships must have a good comunication level, and an honest one. I really wished it would be easier for me to tell him openly how I'm feeling right now, but he's always (and with always, I mean ALWAYS) with the three stooges he has for friends at his classroom, and when I actually go and try having a conversation with him I end up talking to his friends! I mean, one of them was my classmate on a previous year and this is the first time I actually talk to him. What the heck is that all about?
And him actually coming to me by his own will? None since the coldness started. There was this one time in which he approached me and some other friends during break time, and my heart friggin' flipped when I saw him coming to our table. I was all "OMG he's actually coming to sit with us! <3<3<3", but the real reason he did it was because his three friends were all at some school contest. All interaction he had with me in the less-than-twenty minutes I stood by his side was giving me a light kiss in my forehead, and then he just talked with someone else, ignoring my failed hug and kisses on his palm. I had some work to do so I just waved goodbye to all in the table, he didn't even look at me, and I left with the only friend I feel free to talk about this problem, feeling like shit and in the end crying to my friend's shoulder.
Ok. Well you better have a talk with him.
And you know nevermind the fucking stooges, you're his girlfriend you come first. I mean he said himself he wants to marry you, you don't marry someone who is less than one of your friends. The one you marry is your best friend, IMO that holds true for the one you choose to fuck too as it's the same thing in my eyes, but hey I'm a minority so what does it matter?
I'll say as I fear, he just wanted to fuck you, everything he said and felt were vessels to get him there. Now that he got what he wanted he's just indifferent, the only reason he hasn't broken with you is the prospect of more fucking and not to shame himself for all the bullshit he pulled out of his hat. If anything he might try to wear you down with his indifference so you leave him instead, which would save him the embarassment. He can still do you in the meantime so he doesn't mind.
Maybe he didn't even plan for this, but he had his priorities wrong from the beginning, he got his passion for you from his crotch and not his heart. Evidently, because otherwise he should be even more loving towards you now when you have recently strenghtened your bond, fucking or no fucking.
......I sincerely hope I'm wrong. And in case I am, don't take my words for anything until it's confirmed, but be prepared it may be like this.
The stooges are not a problem, just an example of how he's almost always too crowded or busy to be with me. I actually like them and one of them is a good friend of mine, but when I approach them at school I'm not there to talk to them, if you get my drift.
Damn, your comment left me with no rest all night, and adding the terrible colics that attacked me at dawn, I felt awful at morning. I'm too afraid about this theory, I love him so much and he's made me so happy at times that to think this has just been a dirty lie to get in my pants makes me want to die. Not that I'm a suicide or anything, over time I've learn to appreciate life and try my best to conserve it, but I've felt used before (by him, actually, though I think it was all in my drama-filled head) and it sucks monkeyballs.
And.. something just happened. A friend and I were going to the caffeteria for some snacks and he saw some guy he had something to talk about, so while I'm waiting I see the owner of my heart sitting on a table with a group of friends. I think "what the heck, let's give it a try", and I go and stand besides a friend sitting on the same side my mate is. I'm waiting for the same cold stare but out of nowhere he starts telling me about some weird song he wrote for a school work, all laughing and joking. For some second I'm like "WTF is going on here" but why would I complain? I sit near to him and listen to his story. The friend I was accompaning to the caffeteria calls my name and I turn around to look for him, my hand lands near my lover's and he takes it o_o; by his own means! I don't get a thing about what's going on... I feel happy but with a strange saddness still in me. He also said he loves me out loud, enjoying my flustered expressions every time he said it (I'm kind of shy when expressing my love to someone, but just to someone I really love in a romantic way).
It felt really good to be by his side for the whole hour the break lasted, and in the end he waved goodbye with a smile and a "I love you". But the truth is I don't want this to continue this way... Why did he suddenly acted so natural and loving? Will he do it again? Meaning the indiference... As much as I may act like one, I'm not a toy, much less a sex toy. I don't want him changing his mind about giving me or not the love I deserve and need, because if he continues that way I'm either gonna go crazy or doing some fucked up stuff (my classroom is in a second floor, and when my first class ended I suddenly felt like jumping. Fortunately I barely do pay attention to spontaneous thoughs like this one any more).
I hope you're wrong, too.
The stooges are not a problem, just an example of how he's almost always too crowded or busy to be with me. I actually like them and one of them is a good friend of mine, but when I approach them at school I'm not there to talk to them, if you get my drift.
Damn, your comment left me with no rest all night, and adding the terrible colics that attacked me at dawn, I felt awful at morning. I'm too afraid about this theory, I love him so much and he's made me so happy at times that to think this has just been a dirty lie to get in my pants makes me want to die. Not that I'm a suicide or anything, over time I've learn to appreciate life and try my best to conserve it, but I've felt used before (by him, actually, though I think it was all in my drama-filled head) and it sucks monkeyballs.
And.. something just happened. A friend and I were going to the caffeteria for some snacks and he saw some guy he had something to talk about, so while I'm waiting I see the owner of my heart sitting on a table with a group of friends. I think "what the heck, let's give it a try", and I go and stand besides a friend sitting on the same side my mate is. I'm waiting for the same cold stare but out of nowhere he starts telling me about some weird song he wrote for a school work, all laughing and joking. For some second I'm like "WTF is going on here" but why would I complain? I sit near to him and listen to his story. The friend I was accompaning to the caffeteria calls my name and I turn around to look for him, my hand lands near my lover's and he takes it o_o; by his own means! I don't get a thing about what's going on... I feel happy but with a strange saddness still in me. He also said he loves me out loud, enjoying my flustered expressions every time he said it (I'm kind of shy when expressing my love to someone, but just to someone I really love in a romantic way).
It felt really good to be by his side for the whole hour the break lasted, and in the end he waved goodbye with a smile and a "I love you". But the truth is I don't want this to continue this way... Why did he suddenly acted so natural and loving? Will he do it again? Meaning the indiference... As much as I may act like one, I'm not a toy, much less a sex toy. I don't want him changing his mind about giving me or not the love I deserve and need, because if he continues that way I'm either gonna go crazy or doing some fucked up stuff (my classroom is in a second floor, and when my first class ended I suddenly felt like jumping. Fortunately I barely do pay attention to spontaneous thoughs like this one any more).
I hope you're wrong, too.
It's too early to say anything for certain, it was just a heads-up, so in case I'm right, you'll be somewhat prepared for it. But I'm not saying you should worry about it, just be aware of the possibility. Because his conduct invites to such notions.
It might also be that he feels a bit awkward about having promised himself to you, maybe his heart found out not to be quite so 100% about you two and it has made him worry about his promises. It may pass though when he deals with whatever it is within him that objects to the idea of spending the rest of his life with you.
STILL it's just no excuse for giving you the cold hand, making you worried and anxious, I mean he must know your heart, that it's easily stirred. He should be more considerate even if he's a bit troubled.
Anyway, let's pray now that he'll stay with this latest recovery and that it was an honest, heartfelt gesture. Also I guess it wouldn't hurt if you practiced some trust and patience for your own sake. Don't be naive, but at the same time don't harbour suspicions. It's ok to be aware of risks, but if you start to fear them it will ruin the point of being foresighted in the first place.
This is miscommunication. His situation is a little in the kid's love where he stays with someone as long as he gets what he wants. He doesn't intend it to be that way, but it has just turned out that way because you put him in that comfortable position. You obviously feel a much greater need than he does. Make sure he understands that. To him right now, he's getting enough from you, but he doesn't know you're the one that wants attention. You want to be the kid, not the mom. (Right now you're the mom.) What you feel is natural, usually the man has to be the strong caring, active one, and women have to be the passive, receiving ones. The balance has tiptoed too much in his favor without him knowing. The answer? Just let him know you feel needy and want attention. Tell him to give you what you want, and make you feel loved.
About the anorgasmia, (yes, you used the correct word), you have the first type (not secondary anorgasmia). This could be solved with kegel excercises. Some of the benefits of women proficient in moving those muscles is that they can convey the feeling of penetration without moving the whole body by making a sucking movement around the penis, holding the penis by its neck like a guillotine, or even pushing the penis or object out. This control greatly enhances the ability of the woman to get multiple orgasms.
I suggest excercising, you can do these excersises with precision by applying pressure in the deep, middle, and front parts (and any combination of movements as in back to front, front to back, back only, etc.) and add resitance (by lifting a funnel shaped object with a weight tied to the tip.)
About christianity... I do hope you listen to God's word speak.
Yeah, that's more or less how I'm feeling right now, but now the situation has gone a little bit worse...
He has always been such a influence to my humor sigh I had this problems the first time I dated him... I often was depressed for long periods of time because I couldn't manage to please him or make him happy, and my low self-esteem didn't help much either (Yeah, I was one of those people with suicidal kind of problems). Over the couple of years I stopped hanging out with him I built up some self confidence and became a mentally stronger person than I was before. But now that I'm dating him again I'm starting to feel like the idiot I was before, I now know pleasing him in whatever he wants is wrong, I have to think about myself too, yet I can't stop trying to give him everything... He doesn't seem to notice my efforts anyway (recently I bought him a Saint Seiya figure of his favourite character and all he said was "Oh, thanks. Eight years late, but thanks anyway". I'm out of money now, damn figure costed as if the armor really was made of gold, but oh well), but never fails to point that, for example, I do things that anger him. Once he told me "I know you don't want to anger me, but everything you do pisses me off", and as expected I got pretty sad about the comment, to which he added "See? This is why I never tell you anything"
I just thought that he probably didn't mean to say it coughblindfoldedcough.
Uuugh I don't want to sound like I just want to complain about everything, but I never get the chance to talk about this with anybody (there's this one person dear to me who just passed through a very similar situation, but I only get to see him every freaking planetary alingment) and just swallowing the feelings is gonna make me nuts.
And then there's the sex. I'd rather not talk too much about it... He wants to, in a few words, stick it in the pooper, and I don't see any problem with it except it fucking hurts, a lot. But him... He doesn't seem to care much about that, "if you don't like it you better buy a lubricant, because we're still doing it".
I don't know what to do, but I'm certain about something. I love him and deeply care about him, and I know even if he does such things he loves me back. I don't want to break up with him, but I can't seem to find a solution to this problems... I know I know, "communication is the key", but how do I get him to actually listen to me?
I'm so sorry to read about your situation, but it's good that you are taking on the problem with such a constructive attitude. But there is a limit to what you can do, and others are better left to God.
I would like to listen to you more, so if you decide to talk, you can find me in irc.freenode.net by the nick Renderer. Click my name to go to IRC and /msg Renderer <your message here>
You need to register a nick and add a password to it in order to /msg. I forgot IRC was so complicated.
I've been thinking about your situation. He is not healthy; it seems like he grew up doing whatever he wanted to. Sometimes women confuse their need for someone with love. The truth is, you don't need him, and to be honest, I don't think you love him. The influence he has on your humor is something you make happen, not something HE makes happen (it is biological as much as it is psychological). Women feel more vulnerable and are more susceptible to feel attached when a man rejects or deprecates her. This is consistent with "assholes getting the girl". Usually even simple statements like, "I had such a bad first impression of you," have this effect on women. You are feeling you need to show your worth to him, and since he does not appreciate you, you try harder. I don't know the details of your relationship with him, but you should try finding a good friend (either sex) to help you avoid this guy at least for a while (a month or two, and pray for yourself and for him). Then, you can decide wisely if it's better to stay with him or bid him Godspeed.
>>48
wtf. jerk. he got bored after getting into your pants. you deserve much much better. stick a carrot up his ass. no lubricant thanks. STOP TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF TO HIM. he won't know what he has until he actually loses it. notice that all those times he makes an effort is when he is insecure about your feelings to him.
Print out and memorise:
You: Hey Jack, we need to talk.
Jack: About what?
You: Where this, our relationship is going. I feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore, I really don't know if you want a relationship with me.
Jack: Not this again.
You: Why don't you want to talk about it?
Jack: Because there's nothing to talk about.
You: Maybe we should break up.
Jack: See, this is what I mean, I don't talk to you because you make a big deal out of everything!
You: Well have you ever thought about how I felt?! I do everything to please you, but I don't even get anything back. I spent all my money to buy you that Saint Seya doll, and I don't even get a sign of gratitude. As if I was supposed to have bought it for you ages ago or something. I really do love you Jack, but lately you make me feel like crap. You're like a totally different person than before we had sex. I've even changed myself because of you. I feel like I've been used. I get sick and depressed just thinking about it. Lately all I ever wanted was some affection from you, but you dismiss my needs altogether. I love you, but I think I need some time apart for myself.
Walk away into the sunset
Don't forget to give Jack a copy to memorise too so he can get his lines right.
>>54
no worries, jack is a natural jerk.
Why can't she talk to this thread?
Mirelle guy, don't try to divert her attention to you while she is having troubles and depressed. I know you want to get to her pants since she is vulnerable so you take this to your advantage. Hey Tanuka, be careful. Man shouldn't be trusted. I am man I know it. There are very few men left that is honest and sincere and not want to try get in women pants by taking advantage. Maybe Mirelle guy knows you live near him so you both can meet somewhere. Knowing Mirelle Guy, he wants to get more fuckbuddies so he can enjoy it. Because Tanuka, you said so much about yourself that Mirelle guy knows your weakness so he can take advantage of that. Don't fall for his trap. He said you need friends to talk, thats the method he use to try to slowly work his way up to you so he have sex with you.
Mirelle Guy, Are you trying to manipulate her to your advantage?
Tanuka, be careful. Learn to take care of yourself.
>>56
Haha. So true. Only you saw through him S.A ;)
Mirelle Guy, I know he likes to steal other people's girlfriends if he knows he can succeed. Tanuka, in her position is likely very to be stolen due to her in this situation and condition.
I claim that Mirelle Guy likes to steal girlfriends from others, it is not without strong clue and intention in his past threads and posts he made. Remember he gave advice to others and try to encourage the person to compete and court the girls even though she has a boyfriend? He goes on to imply in what he says that those who are weak should not be worthy of having girls. Physically stronger and mentally stronger who give the best sex is the one worthy of having girls despite personalities. Mirelle guy is the type who live for pleasure and vainness and arrogance, that his philosophy.
Just because he has few physical features that women like, doesn't make him a better person than others.
I'm not jealous or anything. I just don't like his attitude. I can see right through him, his the playboy type who hunts ladies and look down and laugh at those who can't get women. He is an empty person who tries to fill his void by courting women and proving that he is not worthless and stepping down on those who can't to make him feel more worth. That is basically how he seeks his value.
I know many people on this forum lost girlfriends, and most likely girlfriends being stolen or court by another men. Thanks to the type like Mirelle guys who love to offer you this service.
If you want to blame, blame on Mirelle Guy. If my girlfriend is stolen by Mirellke Guy, I'll seek him out and beat him to death.
Laughs out loud. I would steal a girl's heart, but only with her consent, and only if I am not betraying loyalty to a friend of mine. I have a few physical features going on for me, but the main attractiveness is something I'm trying to teach in this board; it is called manliness. A better word for it exists in Spanish: caballerosidad. (I do not know its translation in English). Wimps who cry in the presence of women are the opposite of what I am trying to teach. I do not know about how straight my ethics are, but I am just an altruistic guy.
I offered to talk privately if she did not feel comfortable sharing crucial details of the situation in this board. A holistic understanding is the start of a good advice.
>>53, You are total comedy.
>>58, How old is your girlfriend? I am guessing you are not even in your 20's. You can't see through what I type, and you probably can't see through your girlfriend either.
>>56 >Learn to take care of yourself.
That's exactly what everyone should be learning in this board. Learn to question everything, do not stick to the standards, dare to care more, pursue more, give more, and want more.
>>53 I lol'd.
>>56 Thanks for the advice but there's no way in hell I'm falling for such cheap tricks, and there's even less chance that I'm falling for them in a board. I'm not someone you can take advantage of (with the exception of a certain person I started this thread for), nor be stolen, at least not without problems. Several times I've been given hints of romance in the internets, but I prefer to leave that subject for real life. Although I don't really see any bad intentions in Mirielle Guy's advices, I do find rude that he dissmises my love for my boyfriend so easily, over time I've learned to difference what's real love and the simple need of company, so I'd rather prefer that this isn't questioned again.
Something else I do not concur with Mirielle Guy is that manliness is the same as caballerosidad, which would be textually "gentlemanliness". While manliness means what it is to be a male, often displaying masculinity and usually following the stereotipical and traditional of how a man is seen by society. In addition, manliness is closer to machismo than to actual gentlemanliness.
But that isn't the subject of my thread, now is it?
After thinking a while about the sex issues, there's something else I want to talk to him. He's a man of needs, if you get my drift, and tells me he wants to do me almost as much as he says he loves me (at least I know he finds me both attractive and arousing). How can I tell him subtley that I don't feel comfortable that he says those things to me so much?
He totally sounds like he's just in it for the sex. Personally, I think you should just stop trying to put up with him and leave him. You deserve much better.
I think the best thing you must doing, nobody canhelp you, is your choice, and you must use your words, Is my opinion. And sorry if i did mistake because I'm french...
It is correct. Gentlemanliness is the word (I thought that word was wrong, but it is in the dictionary.) I'm sorry if I sounded to simply disregard your love for him, but in >>51, I said to avoid him for a while, not to avoid him completely. I do not remember if you mentioned that this he is Christian or not, but I could tell his relationship with God is not very good. You should boht plan together to stay away from each other for a while, for his own sake. You have to be willing to sacrifice time for him that he needs to grow up spiritually and personally. In this time, you pray for him. I typed before that you cannot change a person by your own means, so let me add: God can change him, so you should trust and leave that work to Him.
Also, bear in mind: if you cannot step away from overprotecting him (which you are clearly doing), I fear that you may have Florence Nightingale Syndrome. It is a psychological disorder where you share an emotional upheaval with the person (or believe to share), and you overprotect this person because of it, also known as the "nurse falls in love with patient" syndrome. Do try to give him some time.
By the way, I'm not a machista as you'd say in Spanish (from machismo), although sometimes I am hell-bent on being assertive in the man's role.
So I always ask myself a few things to see if I am in love:
Is it deliberate?
Does it involve self-sacrifice?
Is it controllable? (If it's not, then it's a syndrome.)
>I've learned to difference what's real love and the simple need of company
My point is to make everyone out there question love, do not be so sure about knowing real love. I even question my love towards others sometimes, because it requires a lot of discipline ("love always perseveres").
Rant: I mentioned this before in the board: What is the difference between love and obsession? http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1158713583/
How interesting that this thread is still going!
Tanuka, do you think your problems are solved/not important anymore? After all, more than two months have passed since the first post.
Alternatively, what do you consider to be the main problems now?
>>65 Good point. It would be good to know how things are after 2 months.
Just to answer >>65, things were still going kind of not awesome, but sex was a regular thing still. In the end he went overseas for a whole semester and we broke-up because the damn guy wouldn't try communicating with me (or anyone back here at home, for that matter). I got tired and everything is history now. We don't act awkwardly in each other's presence, which is good I guess, but after a few more slips I've become pretty much not interested in sentimental or physical relationships. Bad end.