Hey guys,
This girl I occasionally talk to online recently invited me over to her house. No big deal, she lives close by and we were both talking about how we were bored and she asked me to come play some videogames there. She's not a close friend of mine, but we also know eachother well enough for it to be normal to do something like this together. Anyway, once I got there I got a flirtatious vibe from her, like she was sitting very close to me (leaving no room between us), leaning on me from behind several times (while should could just sit down instead), grabbing and rubbing my hand to see if they were warmer then hers and changing into a thicker sweater while sitting right next to me (about those last two, it was pretty damn cold there). Innocent stuff really, but it caught me off guard and I didn't really respond to it in any way.
I suppose normally I should flirt back to find out how she really feels about me, but there is a problem. You see, she was at one time (for maybe 2 weeks, this was probably about 3 or 4 years ago) the 'girlfriend' of a close friend of mine. Not really what anyone would consider a real relationship (just puppy love), however, my friend is still very infatuated with her and considers her his 'true love'. She is aware of this but also has made it quite clear to him that nothing will ever happen between them again.
So now I'm torn on what to do. I can just ignore her flirting, but then again, I don't get female attention very often (I'm too unapproachable I've been told, and I'm generally too shy to really do much myself). Or I can flirt back to her, but if this is just be her way of being friendly, or if she just flirts like this with every guy, I feel like I would be betraying my friend, even tho I know that they will never get together again. But for all I know she has a crush on me, in which case I feel like I shouldn't really hold back (my friend probably wouldn't be too happy with it, but he probably would also forgive me and wish me the best). Any suggestions on what I should do?
Well, this is a situation indeed... It's not as if she dated your friend and then broke up and then you would be seeing her now after. Technically, though it didn't happen, your friend might have similar feelings. Personally, I would think it's okay as long as your friend is okay with it. If you two have a understanding friendship, then he should be mature enough to say okay. So, you would have to confront your friend and really find out what he thinks about it.
As for the girl, I don't know if you should ignore flirting completely. If you do, then she might think that you're being cold and start not liking you at all. Smile and be friendly until you get a good idea of what her intentions are (if she is actually flirting with you or if this is just her way of warming up to people.) But from the looks of it, she is flirting with you and you should be careful with what you do.
3-4 years!?! And they dated for 2 weeks. She was fair game as soon as she broke up with him. Hey if you like her go for her, don't worry about your friend, he is just being wuss/wimp/bitch/etc. Look 3 years is way too long, especially for a 2 week "relationship" (2 weeks is too short to even classify as dating), to still be in love with a girl. Tell your friend the truth. Tell him that she likes you and you may like her and if you two go out it is something he shouldn't be concerned with. You two are capable of making decisions on your own and he has no ownership over her. And if he has a problem with it, tell him that is unhealthy to be infatuated with a girl for that long and as a friend you will help him get over her.
answer these questions for yourself,
see it wasn;t this hard! ^^
sry.. message was sent wrong..
answer these questions for yourself,
1. Are you in love with her?
2. did you told your friend nothing will happen between you and her?
3. Is it really worth risking losing your friend and hurt him?
see it wasn;t this hard! ^^
(OPer)
Well I just asked my friend about it, he said he would feel bad if I did flirt with her. And behold, about one and half hour later she asks me to come to a party... I told her to ask me again at a later time (when she had an exact date) because I really didn't know what to say.
Should I maybe just tell her what's bothering me to see what she has to say about it?
FO checking the numbers... hmm. interest of your friend, versus interest of girl and interest of you: 2vs1.
hm.. checking value of interests: current interest of you and current interest of girl against pretty outdated dream of friend.
For as much as you allow random anonymous people to influence your decision: Please don't let your friend stand in the way! FO think you only make things more difficult when starting to involve him in decision.
Anyway... are u ready for a relationship? I think you are. More importantly, do you like her too? probably yes.
I think answer is a big...
DUH!
frigid onanoko say goodbye now!
not agreeing with frigid. (frigid.. wtf.. look at his name XD doesn't seems he knows anything about this kind of shit)
if you are really going to date her despite your friend don't want you to... you're NOT his friend.
besides.. you're not in love with her.
so would it help getting into a relation with someone you don't really like?
better find someone else where you do fall in love with.
OP update:
Well, I decided to go to that 'party' (we went bowling with 6 people), there were two couples there with us. She wasn't as flirty as she was last time, but her friends were dropping subtle hints. One couple left afterwards and we moved to the house of the other couple. We played a board game and the mood was relaxed. That's when the tequila was brought out. :P
We played a drinking game and she and the other guy present were quite drunk, me and the other girl not so much (I drink more frequently, I'm a big guy and I was not playing the game so badly). Whenever I drink I do get a bad hangover and it hit me pretty early so I lied down on their couch. The other couple was doing their own things and she sat down next to me, caressing me with her arms and head. I subtly tried asking her how she felt about me, but she avoided answering (I'm not sure if she didn't understand me or if she was too shy to answer).
Anyway, I got fed up with doing nothing myself so I decided to kiss her after some time, since I could tell that she wanted to but didn't have enough courage to do it herself. That definitely did the trick and we spend the next 2 hours or so snuggling/hugging, kissing and talking... She confirmed what I already thought and told me she definitely was interested in me, for quite some time (much longer then I had expected actually, even before I started talking to her online). Eventually her friend kicked us out of the house (unfortunately her drunk boyfriend had said some stupid things and she needed comforting, the situation was a bit awkward with us kissing for the first time and the other couple having relation troubles... I won't go into that here, but I guess alcohol can also do that...)
We also talked about my friend (we also did that this morning online) so she does know how I feel about that. But I don't want to bother her with it too much at this moment. Anyway, should I tell my friend about it now or just wait to see if things between her and me get more serious? If it's up to me, they will.
>>8 and >>5 I do like her, I can talk and relate to her unlike any girls (atleast, in recent times), but I don't really believe in love at first sight and I think things like that must grow. I do want to give it a chance, I definitely like her enough for that.
Good to hear that! Who says alcohol is bad? Just be glad, though, that she wasn't pissed at you the next day, or blame it on the booze.
As for your friend, I can see him getting pissed about it, but not enough to not be your friend anymore. Was the girl interested in him at all? If not, then what's he got to be pissed about, since he didn't have a chance with her anyway?
Personally, I'd wait a bit to tell him, to see if things DO get more serious. Like I said, if you and he are good enough friends now, he might be mad at you for a while, but I wouldn't consider this a "friendship-ruining" event.
>>9
Hey, that's awesome. Your friend...well...if I was in your situation, it would depend on how good a friend he is. If it was someone I just hung with to play games or something, I would just do whatever, but if we were like blood brothers and been through a ton of shit together, I wouldn't bother her. That's just me though, and I hope things work out with you.
the only real advice i can think of is that drinking water really helps with hangovers.
Well I talked to my friend yesterday, but I didn't have the heart to tell him, especially since he had been drinking. Unfortunately he always starts talking about his ex when he drinks and I told him he should really move on if he wants to be happy, since she no longer has any interest in him (this is true, she has told him this often before. If it was up to her they would be friends but I think my friend only wants her as girlfriend or nothing at all).
>>12 I did drink lots of water, I probably just got bad hangover genetics or something :) The fact that we were drinking it with salt first and that we had lots of chips wasn't helping either tho.