Stuck (10)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-22 08:22 ID:UdQb0Zrm

I've been in a relationship with a girl for over two years now, and it's quite a unique situation. Things are very up and down between the two of us, and it can change quickly, but the fact of the matter is that I'm dissatisfied. I love the girl very much, but I feel a very basic, almost instinctual need to date others. I meet people every day who I know I would 'connect with' better than I do with my current girlfriend, and I feel as though I am sincerely chained by my current relationship.

That being said, I still am certainly in love with this girl, and I would hate to hurt her in any way. Yes, I know, I'm hurting her by continuing the relationship when my heart isn't truly in it, but I'm also very scared that I won't be able to find someone as committed and comfortable with me as I am with her right now. I don't want to pass up 'the one' just to make use of my early-20s by dating several people.

So, what should I do? Is there even anything I can do, really? Or am I as stuck as I think I am? Thanks in advance.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-22 10:37 ID:F6A9kV4c

Take a break and see other people. The two of you probably need it anyways. After seeing other people, you will know if you really want to go back to her...or if she wants to go back to you. Maybe she is also dissatisfied but is too afraid to say anything as well.

Another thing, you are comfortable and what is comfortable is not always best. You are afraid to take a chance and try something new, which is really sad because you are missing out on so many possibilities.

Your situation is also not very unique, many people feel this way so you are not alone in it. My friend impregnated his older girlfriend when he was just 17 and now they are married with two children, he is comfortable but unhappy and they go from hot to cold all the time. It makes me sad to see him like this because I know we could have been good together. He finally realized that after it was much too late for us.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-22 18:37 ID:yO6a4y6i

>>2

This is good advice, and most of my friends have been giving that exact advice. But, the issue at hand is that it honestly seems as though she wants to stay in the relationship as it is. I care so much for her that I don't want to hurt her, and yes, there are excellent times, but I don't want to pass up something that could be potentially wonderful because I feel obliged to remain in my relationship as it is.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-22 21:31 ID:F6A9kV4c

I realize that you are concerned for her feelings but you are being dishonest to her and yourself. Why stay if you are not satisfied? You think it is for her benefit but it isn't. She will realize that you are only staying because you didn't want to hurt her feelings and I find that sort of thing more hurtful than just the plain truth.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-23 12:15 ID:SaHIWv7M

Being comfortable does NOT include being being unhappy like that.
OP isn't even comfortable, he's just desperate and clingy. No offense meant.

A good, lasting relationship takes a FUCKLOAD more than just love, OP needs to learn that. You can NEVER build a relationship on love alone. It will only lead to misery. Love is however a vital component in a lasting relationship, but love isn't valuing your own relationship status above both of your mental healths. That's just bloody selfish, considering that if you keep at it, being this miserable, you WILL cause both of you a fuckload of pain. If not now, then a few years down the lane, maybe even a decade or more later. Trust me, it hurts A LOT more after all of that time, a lot more than now.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-23 12:40 ID:SaHIWv7M

>>5
not to mention that it's already causing OP pain, and without a doubt the girl as well.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-25 06:30 ID:78hsQEmt

you make it sound like there IS a for-sure someone better out there...

you could be connecting as FRIENDS, not lovers @_@;

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-25 11:19 ID:0Q3aW7HS

HEY SECRET ADMIRER!!!

WHY ARE U OPENING SO MANY DIFFERENT THREADS????

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-26 00:57 ID:SaHIWv7M

>>7

>you make it sound like there IS a for-sure someone better out there...

Because there is. Face it, kiddo, relationships are what you make them into, and you're seriously botching this one up by your mindset. There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with your relationship. Maybe it's just in your end, but probably it's in both ends.

You are feeling the way you are for a certain reason, if not many.

>I meet people every day who I know I would 'connect with' better than I do with my current girlfriend

Relationships will not magically get better. If you have any problems, and you try to ignore them, they're damned likely to snowball. Certainly, there are times when you need to just forget about a problem, but this definitely is not. If you really don't want to take a muchly needed break in your relationship, WORK on your relationship. You need to figure out why you connect better with those others, and how to induce more such connection elements in your current relationship. She's no bot, though. She's an entire person. You can't demand she does stuff she is not willing to do. It may turn out that you two don't really mix that way. If it does, don't see it as wasted time, but feel greatful over the good things you had while they lasted.

Just please do NOT impose double standards on her vs you. That will just make you a retard. example:
a friend of mine: "It's annoying! Every time I stop paying attention to her for a few minutes she starts doing something else, like tinkering and listening to her ipod [instead of staying put and waiting for him until he starts paying her attention again]."
me: "So... You're complaining about that when you stop paying attention to her, she stops paying attention to you?"
Friend: "um... Well, yes.. but... That sounds wrong..."
me: "Could it be because double standars are stupid? Why should either of you be the attentive little doggie, waiting at the other person's feet until the slightest bit of attention is tossed hir way?"'
Friend: "..Bah. Stop being right all the damned time." (I'm not, my friend just doesn't like that I tend to be right when I point out things like that to him. He's just damned easy to read, is all.)

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-12-27 10:06 ID:Heaven

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