When I was in high school I was a shy kid, and I had a hard time talking to girls. I still don't go out of my way to talk to them, and I'm still awkward around them, but it's not because I'm shy. It’s because there is already a girl who I’m interested in, and I’m not interested in anyone else.
During my senior year of high school I joined an online community, and being a noob to it all I was just looking around for friends. I ended up finding all the friends I could have ever needed, but one stood out more than the others. She was extremely nice, and encouraging, and we quickly began to have little chats over the boards on that site.
About a year after we started chatting on there we both started to play an online game together. This was actually our first time chatting in a live format. it didn't take long at all before we exchanged msn contact addresses, and we have been talking alot ever since.
We have gotten extremely close since those days. We are coming up on our third year "anniversary" and I gotta say I love this girl. There is no other word for it. The problem is, a while back I started to really like her, and I told her about it, and I was rejected. (didn’t surprise me back then)
She lives over a thousand miles away from where I live right now, but I plan on moving a lot closer to her when I get out of college. (not necessarily because of her, but because I also like the country that she is in) And she actually has a boyfriend, though she is constantly complaining about how dense he is and how he doesn’t listen to her or care about her enough. She has actually left this guy before for another guy, but that turned out to be a big mistake, so she came back to this guy, but sometimes I think she really isn’t too happy with him either.
Last summer I actually went to visit her. Her parents and her boyfriend were both on vacation, so I had her “all to myself” as she put it. It was a very nice trip, though we didn’t get much time alone. The few minutes we did have alone she was very affectionate, and she would hold onto my arm, hold my hand, rest her head on my shoulder, and I even got a few kisses. Honestly during those few moments (probably ended up being about 5 minutes if all the time was put together) I was the happiest guy on earth. No one could tell me otherwise.
But I honestly don’t know. She acted very affectionate, and I think she might like me, but I can’t be certain with my own opinions. What do you people think? Should I try to take it further? Or should I just stay friends?
Women's opinions on this subject would be greatly appreciated.
To be honest, I'd be careful here. If you understand what you're getting yourself into, then you know that long distance relationships are the hardest to maintain, even if there's a glimmer of hope (meeting her, or in the future, finding a residence close to her). If you acknowledge this and still wish to proceed, here's my advice:
Yes, I believe you should go further, but only if you're confident in yourself and in the relationship. There's bound to be a few unsubtle problems. For instance, since you're in a long-distance relationship, trust her enough to know that she isn't going behind your back with another guy. Also, being the guy, you do have your own "standards" to stick up to. Be confident. I can't stress this enough. If she says she doesn't think it's going to work out, disprove her through your affection. Give her comfort in more than one way. You say she isn't happy with the other guys? Make her look at you, and remember the times you've spent together. Even if most of it was online, it doesn't mean it wasn't prescious, or important, right?
Now, regarding your rejection, in my experience, ladies don't like to commit to relationship too early. I think, now that you've gotten to know eachother better, it's high time for a proposal (the relationship kind). However, take this with a grain of salt, and maybe some sugar. Find the right timing to ask her, and then do it. You really love her. For some reason I can feel it. Just don't let that part of you EVER change. When it does, you'll regret it, maybe even hate yourself.
Sincerely,
I absolutely second Mai. You, honestly, seem like a really kind, caring guy and absolutely display the sort of affection (totally genuine) any decent girl would in a relationship.
I think there's a huge chance this could work out.
Like Mai mentioned, long distance relationships are tough, but not impossible. I too communicated mostly online with a man for nearly three years and, when I started going to college in the state that his family lived, things worked out beautifully. His love is genuine and I know, even as he attended a different school than I did, that he would never cheat. He knew I had been involved with other men, actually making me a bit more experienced, but was not bitter and trusted I would discontinue those relationships and stay loyal to him. He has faith in me and we're still dating. Make sure you guys have as solid a level of trust, especially if you're not going to be in close proximity of her consistently for quite some time.
But most important of all, respect her. She has a boyfriend and you need to show her that you respect that relationship-- do not sabotage it. If she's interested in you-- and it sure seems like it by the way she acted when you visited-- show that you're the better man by the way you interact with her; the way you value her, empathize with her, and the trust she can instill in you as a confidante. Showing a bit of faith in her decision-making and having patience in her personal growth (to recognize her affections for you!) are some of the strongest statements you can make about the type of person you are and the quality of relationship you have to offer.
Best of luck, friend.
Thank you for the encouragement. I definently wouldn't try to sabotage her relationship right now. While she does complain about the guy, I know he's not a bad guy, because she wouldn't have been with him for so long if he were. While she is quite a troooper, she is pretty week when it comes to being betrayed.
Some problems that I didn't mention in my first post are that this girl is an asian girl, and I am a white guy. I personally have no problems with an interacial relationship, and she doesn't have problems with them either. But she has a bit of an asian superiority complex. I've never confronted her about it, but I have caught her on a few occasions saying things like, "Of course it's good, it's asian." And I've noticed that she really only goes after relationships with asian people. I have yet to see her start a friendship with a non-asian guy. The few non-asian friends she has have all approached her, not been approached by her. So I'm kinda worried that my race may scare her off.
Also, I haven't been the most confident guy during the time that we have been talking. At one point I had a major struggle with deppression (alot of it was because of the feelings I had for her) but I am doing much better now. Though over that period of time she definently started to look down on me for being so sad all the time, and she has unfortunately kept this view of me. I've recently called her out about it though. I was pretty harsh with her about it, (to the point of being scared of losing her as a friend) but after it was all said and done I think I gained a bit of respect from her for it. She's looking at me as more of a man now. I've been working to be more confident in myself and show her that I am. I've begun to start working out, just to get a bit toned for our next encounter, and I also plan to get a bit more stylish of a haircut before I see her next.
I think I should probably tell her that I like her, but I'm not sure when. I want to be sure she won't imeadiately reject me, because we are online friends, so I'm thinking that this time I should probably do it in person. I'm planning on going back to the area that she lives for a vacation again this upcoming summer, and I'm preparing a pretty big gift for her. (not exactly expensive, but it's going to take alot of time and thought, so I know she will like it alot) I was thinking about telling her then, but I don't know what she might be going through at that time yet, so depending on what is going on in her life I may need to hold back, because honestly I care about her, and I would do anything for her, and anything includes holding back and watching her be with another guy.
I just want to see her happy, and if I'm not the guy that can make her happy for the rest of her life, then I'm perfectly content with just helping to keep a smile on her cute little face until she finds the right guy.