Extending the Olive Branch or Being a Doormat? (3)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-22 00:42 ID:OKRUjgCn

Alright, I need to make a big decision, and the thing is it could either 1) Bring some closure to something that's kept me very angry, or 2) Bring back some serious shit into my life.

Some background:
2 years ago, when I was 18 and she was 16, a friend of mine (we had been close friends for 2 years before this) and I ended up falling into a relationship that eventually ended with her leaving me for another guy. I was heartbroken, but accepted the fact that she had the right to love whoever she wanted to and I tried to at least remain civil.

Unfortunately, she did not.

Eventually, she would begin to call me (and this was like, 1-2 months after the break-up) asking for sex advice (in really uncomfortable detail) with her new boyfriend. I warned her twice that I didn't want to hear anything like that, and twice she apologized saying that she just "wasn't thinking" when she said it. Finally, after a 3rd time, I finally said "Listen little girl, you're just trying to push my buttons and get a rise out of me, and it's pretty damn obvious!" and with that, I cut off contact with her. Aaand that's about the time all Hell broke loose :lol:

She began to spread rumors of things that I had "seduced her", even went so far as telling people I had raped her. Things got bad, but eventually she was caught at a party telling two different stories ("OMG He did such terrible things to me..." vs. "Oh he was so amaaaazing in bed") to two different groups of people. OOPS.

Unfortunately, at that time, in my youthful stupidity, I decided to not exactly take the moral high ground, and I began leaking some stories about stuff that happened between us that... in retrospect, should have just stayed between us. And I realize that a lot of what I said/did was really sexist and just unprincipled... and she's been really hurt and angry about the things I told people, according to mutual friends of ours.

Flash forward 2 years later: the other night, I saw her and her boyfriend at the club, and it was very very awkward. All night we kept looking at each other with these cold stares, and seeing her reminded me of a lot of great times we had as friends, and I felt a little pang of sadness. A feeling that, although she did a lot of bad things to me, I still feel part of what happened was my fault, and I just need to feel some closure around that.

Now, y'all, before you say "STOP! Don't eeeeven think about it dude, don't eeeeven try" hear me out! I have heard from others (mutual friends that I trust) that she has matured a lot, and actually has expressed missing the "old me" and some remorse for what happened. As much as I feel such resentment and anger towards her... I can't help but wonder... would it be worth it extending an olive branch, and at least apologize for my part in the death of our relationship/friendship? Would that be moral and a good way to get something that's hurt me a lot off my chest, or would that just possibly spark another war of words and get me into some drama that I just don't need right now?

2 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-01-22 01:11 ID:i5R0FPSc

you not yet tell why ever not to 'extend olive branch.'

Frigid Onanoko think it be awkward to be excusing out of blue, and easily interpreted as going after her. Boyfriend might get agro, no?

Unless you want more, there no need to enter in new conversations, and simple excuse will do. As old contact you definitely have right to send mail or email, other methods perhaps too personal.

FO confused though: This simple problem, nonissue basically. Fact that you post this indicate you want more out of your action? When saying sorry now, you effictively declaring; lets end current relation (of dislike). two options,
1) so lets start again,
2) we part here forever.

Already mention option one very weird, option two very sad.

bye

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-22 23:02 ID:OKRUjgCn

You're right; really the only purpose it would serve is that POSSIBLY we could be friends again, but that is a very slim chance now that I think about it. Perhaps I was just being too nostalgic for the times when we were friends.

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