Hey guys and girls,
I have a girlfriend and I suppose we are about ready to have sex, but to be honest something is bothering me, especially when we are NOT together (when we are I tend to forget about it). Basically, I'm still a virgin, because I haven't had many chances yet and to be honest I never wanted to have sex (especially not the first time) with a girl I didn't love.
She on the other hand, is quite different. She hasn't been sexually active for that long yet, but in the time that she has been, she has had sex with a number of guys (I'm not going to give exact numbers, some might consider it lots, others will think it's barely something... but in my circles (geeks) it's definitely considered more then average). I think some of these guys have been her boyfriend, but I think most of them have been casual sex (one-night stands too) and fuckbuddies (I know she had one right before me). Those last two things bother me much more then the fact that she has had sex with other guys.
I know she loves me and I very much doubt she would cheat on me, but it still bothers me that in her past sex has been something she did it with guys just for fun, while I've been holding out until I met the right girl.
To complicated matters somewhat, she also is quite active online and there is lots of info to be found on her past sexlife. I somehow can't restrain myself from looking at this, although I know it will probably just hurt my feelings and it makes me feel like a stalker. I think she is aware of the fact that I know this info is on the web, I don't think she realizes how much I really know. I did find anonymous stuff about me posted by her, which I simply recognized because of the facts in it and way it was written. Also, in our conversations about sex she has said she had boyfriends before me, but she hasn’t mentioned the casual sex at all (something I don’t hold against her btw).
I doubt all this will make me nervous when we are going to have sex because I don't think about it when I'm with her (I love her), so that's not a problem, but it is annoying me when we are not together and I think about her (which is most of the time).
Any advice / suggestions? (I guess I also wrote this because sometimes it's just nice to write things down)
1) Get her checked for STDs.
2) If the girl really matters to you, you two will learn to get over the fact that you two treated your sexualities differently in the past. Protip: This is NOT the only difference between you two (you two being different individuals, with different pasts and upbringings and etc). If you can't handle this, then you two sure as heck won't be able to handle any other differences.
Don't interrogate her, but you two need to convey what associations you have to your sex-lives. What many different things do you feel sex is connected to? Get used to this. You and any partner of yours are not mental clones. You two have different connotations and associations, because of different reasons. Learn why and how, instead of being ignorant toward each other, as the latter will only create a wider and wider rift in any relationship.
So she has had sex. and fuck buddies etc. in the real world thats fine. thats normal. its actualyl pretty great. and you know what she probably enjoyed it.
i have had a few non sexually active boyfriends and tbh it kinda freaked me out because i know whta i am like sexuall andi know what i want. and they know... nothing.
i feel (personally) that waiting till its love etc etc is a pretty outdated idea. sure its llovely but its also outdated. and mainly a girl thing. so when i meet a guy my age who hasnt had sex, i am frankly a bit worried. its not the norm.
anyway thats my two cents worth
>>3
Around what age is it abnormal for a male to be a virgin, in your opinion? D:
>>4
Fuck "abnormal"/"normal". Don't be a bloody sheep. You don't have to be "just like everyone else". If you're not ready for it, you're not. Not having had sex doesn't make you less worth, just less experienced in that field, and that field alone.