An abusive relationship. (12)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-30 16:02 ID:/ch5CLWL

My girlfriend has been living with me for about 5 months now, and our relationship has taken a turn for the worse.

I know we have the capacity to be loving and kind individuals, but we both come from fucked up families. So we're both used to living with people we hate, and always being on the defense.

We spend a lot of our time together laughing and joking, and we get along until we start discussing something that we don't agree on.

I have been trying to deal with my issues and emotional problems, and I've been doing my best to act like a stable individual. She's done nothing to better herself.

Every time we have a conversation, and we come to a place where our opinions diverge, she gets really emotional. We could be discussing problems at work, politics, religion, pop culture ... whatever it is ... once the conversation gets to the point where we are really exchanging ideas, she starts getting defensive. She likes to express her disagreement by making faces when I am talking, or making comments about me that are hurtful.

Plus I get the feeling that she likes to disagree with me out of spite. She just revels in putting my opinions down. I've been trying to avoid any serious conversations with her, but that's not going to fix the problem. And recently she has been making me really angry ... I've been slamming doors and I've pushed her out of my way a few times.

I've tried to discuss the problem with her. When I tell her how I feel in a loving and open manner, she starts berating me about things I do that piss her off.

Yesterday we had an argument, as usual she started making her "you're full of shit" face. When I told her that she's trying to push my buttons for no reason, she accused me of "letting my imagination run wild." That comment really pissed me off, and I told her that I was sick of her talking to me like I'm a child.

As my temper exploded I decided to leave the room. As I started to leave, she began making smart comments, telling me that I avoid conflict, and that I have no balls.

At this point, I lost myself in anger. I grabbed her arm and slapped her across the face really hard. Since then, she stopped talking to me.

I worry that the next time I will do something worse, sometimes she makes me so angry that I want to. I'm worried because we don't have anyone but each other in this world.

I just wanted to share my situation and get some input. What can I do?

2 Name: anonymous : 2007-07-30 17:11 ID:lMhx+S5g

feed her tomatoes.
feed her pasta.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-30 17:35 ID:c9vIGiVK

First thing you have to do is apologize to her. Tell her you should never have hit her, this is a must if your relationship is going to survive.
Then sit her down and tell her that the way things are going now it will be impossible for either of them to carry on this way. I know it is hard but I recommend you take a small break, say 2 weeks away from each other. I would let her have your house or wherever you live to show you are really sorry about hitting her (which you should be).
A break should cool both of you, and than you could ask her out to a restaurant 2 weeks later, tell her how you feel. 1st things 1st, you have to make the first move and tell her your sorry.

4 Name: Mr. Likes To Age Threads : 2007-07-30 18:00 ID:Heaven

( ̄へ ̄) Hello. I am "Mr. Likes To Age Threads". I do believe this is a thread in need of Age, so I would like to Age it. That is why my name is "Mr. Likes To Age Threads".

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-30 18:02 ID:QUK/nZam

She seems like a bitch. Why don't you just find a girl that's not one?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-30 21:38 ID:ohET3+ax

I'll give you a tip that is kind of useful:

When you're discussing this sort of things with anyone start with the word "I":

>I've been thinking that lately we don't spend that much quality time due to lack of communication....

Instead of the word "you":

>You don't listen to what I say and behave like a child, remeber when you did X or Y thing....

This might sound silly but when you start with "you" people tend to feel attacked. Let her know what you believe is the root of the problem (your fucked up families) and both of you need to apologize. Pride is useless in a relationship so be a better person and look for her to let her know you're willing to talk.

7 Name: Secret Sexist : 2007-07-30 23:50 ID:Heaven

> At this point, I lost myself in anger. I grabbed her arm and slapped her across the face really hard.

Sounds like she really had it coming. I would've lost it there, too.

8 Name: Rii : 2007-08-02 05:10 ID:XBwKMwZR

I agree with >>3 and >>6

It's hard to not do something when someone won't even listen to you and then when you try to leave says shit about you. Maybe try to do some deep breaths to calm down, then tell her that you don't aprechiate the way she is acting towards you. Then try to sit her down and have a calm conversation about why what she does hurts you and what you do that hurts her.
(sorry for spelling...I suck at it)

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-02 05:47 ID:IR1HODjX

easy.. just say: Welcome to Dumbsville. Population: You

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-02 09:09 ID:NuTnqq+0

Yes, you completely need to first apologize, but apologize that things go to the point that something physical happened...

Don't directly apologize for something you did, immediately... That starts things out wrong in a conversation, immediately painting you on the defensive, and putting her in the driver's seat...

Then talk calmly and solidly about everything that's been going on... Do use things like "we", not "you", to make the conversation a discussion, not an argument or assault...

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-02 11:34 ID:bngYwlra

>>4 More like mister liar, no? You are saging, not aging.

Don't excuse yourself, don't tell her she's this or that. A relationship is something with two people, it's the we most of us long for and adore.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-02 11:44 ID:G5LTtZRX

Break with her. You did the worst thing possible and you know it can happen again, find another girl, for you both sake.

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