How do two people become girlfriend/boyfriend? (32)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-30 13:14 ID:ro1qJGn8

I mean how do you just say will you be by girlfriend or something? How do you find one also? Do you just spend a lot of time with that person or something?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-30 13:53 ID:Heaven

I initially rejected my boyfriend when he asked me out, but after hanging out for a while, his persistence won me over. He never really asked "will you be my girlfriend," but he did ask if he could kiss me... Things just kind of progressed from there. I'm not sure my situation was really normal, though... ^^;;

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-31 03:39 ID:Heaven

Don't ask, "Will you go out with me?" or "Will you be my girlfriend?". That's never worked for me and always ends up badly.

The time it worked the most splendidly was just doing friendly things with a girl. Things that could be considered a date or just friendly fun. Anyhow, I kissed her on the cheek and took her hand and led her to where we were going to go that day, and it worked out happily ever after.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-31 16:38 ID:veQxwXJi

I would like to know this also. I've never been in a relationship, so the workings of these things are a complete mystery to me. :/

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-31 19:00 ID:6uRxFLOe

Hm, for me in general human interaction is a secret for me, since all my life i have been a lone-wolf.

But it is ok for me.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-01 08:16 ID:snbNyg1y

>>5
i totally understand u. sometimes i feel the urge just to howl my troubles to the wind. on tuesday nights i climb my neighbour's gutter and just sit on their roof. watching over the whole neighbourhood like a guard dog and flicking away mosquitoes with my tail. sharing company with the moon like this makes my blood run wild. by night i am Silver Back. by day i am an ordinary postal boy.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-02 02:53 ID:F4crQGpE

Easier if you don't say. Just do.

(1) Whatever suits your style: If you hang out a lot she's already decided if she likes you in that way, so find out: sit real close to her and see how she reacts. If she doesn't pull away, that's a good sign, then without wimping out put your hand on her back, draw her close and smile. If she doesn't WTF kiss her. only a suggestion: you need a modus operandi that you feel comfortable with.

(2) If you don't hang out with her, ask her on a date. That lets you find out real quickly if there's a potential. If she says 'no', that's good, because she was never going to say 'yes' no matter how long you waited. Find your next love. If she says 'yes', see (1)

The girl has probably decided if

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-02 11:30 ID:fk4YPoRa

then how do i do #2 because how do i know she doesn't already have a bf?

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-02 14:06 ID:rWsbR6sn

>>8 if she has a boyfriend she will say no.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-03 14:02 ID:NNb5k1bu

>>9
Unless she's a cheating slut, in which case you're in for a lot of trouble.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-03 17:56 ID:KaMKUaxo

Well, my first boyfriend put an anonymous note in my pocket that said, "Will you go out with me?" I recognized his writing, and I wrote him a note that said, "Did you write me a note? If so, yes." And that's how we started going out.

My second boyfriend was also a friend of mine, and while we were chatting online we started to roleplay (not cyber, or some dumb fantasy story, we were just trying to make eachother laugh). The story we were making up ended with the characters getting married, and after that my friend kept starting to type stuff, and was like, "I...adfhdfsdgs" And I told him to say it, and he said no, and I said, "Me too, probably." so then he said, "I love you." And we lived happily ever after for almost two years.

Then there was this guy I didn't know very well who asked me to go to a school dance with him. I said sure, but as friends, okay? And he said sure. So we went as friends. But I guess he interpreted that as an invitation to keep messing with me all night. He'd "casually" put his arm over my shoulder, pull me closer when we were dancing...I started to avoid dancing with him, and talk to other people. After the dance he and I haven't hung out much. I felt sorta bad for him, but he promised it would be as friends, so...

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-03 20:35 ID:/SK7CT2X

>>11
Your problem, no offense, is typical of all women: you think its all right to going back to being "friends", the male psychy (sp?) only goes along with this notion to avoid being lonely. In my opinion, and experience, its certainly all right to be friendly with an old flame, but you're probably not going to actively seek out to hang with that person if he/she broke your heart, like my ex-girlfriend. My father and I agree: it is better to have little to nothing to do with that person, unless you have no choice (thus the reason why relationships at work are a no no). Thats just my opinion, granted, but its what works for me, I'm happy with my fiancee

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-04 23:25 ID:KaMKUaxo

>>12
First boyfriend: We were in junior high, and it was the first relationship for both of us. I wanted to break up with him first, and I did it in a stupid way--by ignoring his calls. For a year after that we were awkward and didn't talk much, but now we hang out pretty often with no hard feelings. We both realize that a junior high relationship is not heart break worthy. (I found out that he cheated on me, too, towards the end of our relationship...I just lol'd when I found out.) Anyway, I feel pretty lame for the way I broke up with him, and I'm sure at the time I made him feel shitty--so I'm never going to break up with someone in a pussy, mean, and careless way like that again.

Second boyfriend: This was when I was a sophomore/junior in high school. Unlike my first boyfriend, I would say that I was in love with him. Even though we were in highschool, it is the most I have felt toward a person and we had a very harmonious and what looked like it would be a promising relationship if it had lasted. I could have married him. He had to move, and after being separated for a year, we had a discussion about it. We hadn't been able to see eachother at all, and probably wouldn't again for a long time (think 4-5 years). It stressed us both out, and I could tell that he was attracted to a girl in his new location because he talked about her alot. I asked him, "Would you be happier if we broke up?" and he said, "yes, would you?" and I said that I would. So, we are still friends, and talk online/email eachother/plan to visit eachother if we ever get the chance (he lives in another country now, which I will probably only visit once in my life, only because I have family there).

I'm not into breaking hearts. I'm not even really into dating, unless I think it's someone I could spend a long time with, and would want to treat well. If someone I broke up with told me that they didn't want to interact anymore, I'd respect their wishes, though I haven't experienced that yet...Staying friends with my two exes seems fine in these scenarios.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-09 10:46 ID:h9ibjDf8

For me... I was rather lucky I guess.

I was blackmailed into telling the girl I liked her, turned out she liked me back (HUGE RELIEF ^o^). The night I told her, we had a little discussion on how far we're willing to go. I was happy with whatever so it was her to wanted us to be bf/gf.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-12 00:01 ID:a2FlbOmP

My one serious girlfriend, I knew her for a few years beforehand, but just as acquaintances. One day, I just noticed how pretty (and single) she was, and started talking to her more often. Then she started inviting me over to her house, and I chickened out the first two times, but the third, I finally kissed her. I don't even remember what movie we were watching, but a couple on screen was kissing, and we just turned to each other at the same time, smiled, and tried it ourselves.

And after that, I just started hanging out with her whenever possible at school, holding her hand and referring to her as my girlfriend.

So no, there's no formal declaration that you're boyfriend/girlfriend. Some people have different ideas about what makes a couple though, and just a kiss won't seal the deal (especially in college and later)

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-12 01:52 ID:mvrRZ2em

It's entirely nonverbal. That's the biggest hint you'll get.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-16 17:04 ID:5crrevsB

This is what's wrong with women in this generation, and why so many people cheat. When men and women are friends, it always has the possibility of leading to something, and women are often too naive to see it. They just can't see that sex is what every guy is ultimately after... a lot of guys are really good at hiding it too.

Things were a lot better when people had to be in relationships to fuck. Now, every guy/girl in high school/college has opposite sex friends, and it's only a matter of time before someone cheats. Instead of asking yourself how many people you know that have been cheated on, try asking yourself how many people you know that haven't. And that's only the ones you know about.

I just got out of a relationship with a girl who wanted to be 'friends first'. When I told her I separate all my friendships and relationships, she was shocked... she had absolutely no dividing line in her thinking, and this is the problem. If I could simply use friendship as an entry point into a sexual relationship, what's stopping any other guy? I've gotta keep watching her as a result, because I don't trust her, and I certainly don't trust any of her male friends, because I know that 99% of them are after the same thing I was. She's even admitted to me that they've told her that, but she ignores it! And this girl isn't unique either... I'd wager to think that the majority of girls think the way she does.

It's like the sexual revolution of the 60's, except nobody is doing it because they think it's the right thing. They do it because they just wanna 'get their's'.

Also, posters like >>11 are a perfect example of the hapless female that doesn't realize that men only want sex. She'll learn though, heh.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-20 21:45 ID:t+ePb6xV

so who i kind of hang out with her on weekends and stuff. what should i do? like i don't really get any single time between us. if i were to ask her out also where can i take her thats not like too expensive and stuff

19 Name: fartman : 2007-10-20 22:04 ID:0CtHVWVj

>1

talk, of course. do you think someone knocks on ur door and say "would u be my girl/boyfriend?

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-20 23:41 ID:Heaven

>>17
I'm a man, and I only want to cuddle. ;_;

21 Name: OP : 2007-10-21 06:45 ID:qNBYpuZ4

i dont have a car is it bad? i mean there isn't seriously anyplace to go for the college here

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-21 08:47 ID:WbC+lc6W

>>3 nailed it,...

23 Name: Default : 2007-10-25 03:19 ID:1pEWcXyo

well, I've had ONE. She was my next-door neighbor, in my school, and in my grade. NO joke, one of the hottest girls (in 5th grade mind you)... um... well, there was this thing (I don't quite remember why or what) that ended up with us dismissing with the other class, so.... I spotted her, blushed a lot, and eventually hovered around her desk. She started asking me questions, I answered them truthfully (thngs like where I lived, etc.) I found out she was right next door, and we started hanging out, playing video games, etc. She even started taking Tae Kwon Do clases, but my asthma made me quit almost after she joined... What else? Oh, we spent a lot of time together, especially summer vacation... yeah. We were pretty damn close. Not "best friend" close, more than that. She said she liked me, I blushed and stuttered "I..I-I... I l-li..." Yeah. I acted like a dick in 6th grade and ignored her. Just my luck that she was right next to me in chorus and kept glancing in my direction. I swear, if I had just talked to her...I could have had a girlfriend for another year!
ah, well. This isn't a moping thread...

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-25 12:40 ID:Heaven

Both my exes I met over the internet, because we chatted a lot and had a lot of things in common. Sorta naturally progressed from there. My now partner, unlike the previous two, wasn't someone I got together with a few months after meeting them. I had known him for several years, mainly the internets, and was a close buddy, except for that I didn't think he was bent that way because he kept complaining about being asexual and only finding fictional characters, mainly female such, attractive. Which was a pity because he was attractive, on top of being right up my alley. The relationship with my latest ex was dying both ways, and my pal was whining about being asexual, I nervously offered to put the moves on him so that he'd have some sort of experience, better figure out what he really didn't like and liked. He accepted, to my surprise. This was followed by a very confusing week where I oddly enough felt like a young, virgin teenager again, fumbling and doing anything to please him without taking it too far, lest I'd make him feel too uncomfortable. He hadn't even held hands with anyone before that, so we did mainly kissing and cuddling. After a week day, he told me he realized a few months ago that he had feelings for me, but didn't say anything at the time because I already was with someone I still had feelings for. We've been together for a few years now, and still as happy as when we first hooked up.

tl;dr:

  • Baby steps.
  • Get to know her better, and let her get to know you better.
  • Pay more attention to her in a way a boyfriend would. (but be damned careful about keeping it polite and not creepy, in case she doesn't feel the same way.)
  • Be attentive to her reactions, but don't overanalyze, and don't be a stalker.

After your first date, if you kiss her, only lean in close enough to almost kiss her, and let her complete the kiss. It's important that she wants this as much as you. If she doesn't kiss you but doesn't back away from you either, smile gently and turn the kiss into a kiss on the cheek instead, confidently and patiently, and wave a laid back "see you later" to her.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-26 02:24 ID:Heaven

how is grilfrend formed?
how gril get boifrend?

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-26 04:39 ID:Heaven

what >>20 said

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-30 03:58 ID:2JMWpUZ4

boy- hi
girl- hi
boy- wanna go out
girl- yea
boy- ok
girl- ok

you all wish it was that easy right

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-30 05:16 ID:tzGlV0FP

Alright guys I have a question, kind of related to this topic.

Say you go out and everything goes well. Sometime in future you are bound to get together and have sex right? How do you know if your partner is "clean" and disease free? Do you just ask? It's going to be really awkward. Or is it more practical to just not say anything and just hope for the best? I mean, you kind of know if she is a slut who may be carrying some diseases right?

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-30 07:02 ID:fpNAnVW5

>>27

Actually it is that easy.

30 Name: LonelyLover : 2007-10-30 07:02 ID:HL78Q4wm

yea, if you feel comfortable around the person even to have sex with you should be enough to ask if he/she has been tested or knows if he/she is infected or not.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-10-30 11:47 ID:Heaven

>>29
Seconded.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-01 14:22 ID:mCbFPD7y

when u treat her especially nice and she treats you nicer than anyone else, there will be a mutual understanding that you both really like each other. and then a kiss, holding hands or some sex will consolidate the relationship.

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