Dsyfunctional Friendship (11)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-05 08:57 ID:DIhQ7tFX

/love/, Anonymous needs your help in her friendship.

I've been good friends with my best male friend for about three years now. We were buddies for a year, lost touch for a while, gained contact again, and we've been pretty close ever since. While this was going on I've had a minor-to-not-so-minor crush on him. There are a lot of redeeming things in his personality that attract me and he'd pretty cute in addition to that.

However, my best friend also has the ability to be socially manipulative and cruel in varying degrees. Although he doesn't attack me the majority of the time, he has before and I've grown to have some issues trusting him. He shrugs it off when I bring it up by saying I take it too seriously, but what he does say sometimes does hurt.

He recently began telling me that he loves me. It's sort of an out-of-the-blue thing (he'll greet me with it some times, for example), or if we're in an argument he'll slip that in. Although I do like him very much, his doing that is making me very uncomfortable. I don't feel like I can trust him when he says that, or if he's just trying to lull me into a false sense of security, or if it's just another 'joke' of his. I have fought with him before about it and told him to stop, but he acts pretty adamant that he's being honest. I have a very hard time accepting that, and it's actually making trust issues I had with him even worse than before.

I suppose I should mention as well that he's a pretty heavy drug user, mostly marijuana and ecstasy (I picked a real winner, I know.) I only feel like I can really trust him when he's in an altered state of mind and wouldn't want to get one over on me.

Am I too paranoid, /love/? Or should I run for the hills?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-05 09:51 ID:/UUUuMk6

sorry to break it to you, but he just wants sex off you. thats all there is to it. and donty give me the "but we have been good friends for ages blah blah blah he doesnt want that". NO, your wrong you whore. he wants to fuck you, so stop being paranoid and just open your legs. you said hes hot anyway so just pleasure him

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-05 11:48 ID:miRm/HFn

>>2 is pretty blunt but I agree with the basic premise.

Romantic love is mostly (completely?) a cover for sexual attraction anyway.

Still, since you don't seem to hate the guy, I say give it a shot. Start with casual sex. It will be fun for both of you, it will relieve his pain and it might even help you gain more trust in the guy in the process.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-05 20:09 ID:6ueSGirP

Last person who kept saying stupid/cruel things to me continuously, I threatened to break his face in. I basically excommunicated him for an entire year, in which he lost all our mutual friends.

I wouldn't put up with it from a friend, and much less get into a relationship with someone equally abusive.

I know you may like him, and whatever his intentions are (love or just sex), it's not worth it for you to get involved in something like that.

5 Name: 43 : 2007-11-05 20:16 ID:Heaven

>>2

Thirded

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-15 16:48 ID:2YmdY67/

>>2 Believe it or not, not ALL people want sex out of a relationship.
>>3 I don't think anyone would take online advice telling them to have sex.

I think if this person is causing you physical or emotional harm, you should just back off. You have mentioned that he is manipulative, and ,from what you've mentioned, I'd have to agree. Weather it is romantic or not, this kind of relationship isn't healthy and isn't doing anyone any good in the long run. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but are his redeeming qualities worth withstanding any kind of relationship with him if it is causing this kind of pain?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-15 22:58 ID:S7m/aIsc

Run for it. A heavy drug user will only cause you pain, especially because you obviously care for him as a friend. Please do not expect him to be honest, or to even know what he's feeling. A heavy user of marijuana and ecstasy is not going to be able to be a good friend to you. Stop allowing him to hurt you, and run.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-16 03:19 ID:/UUUuMk6

>>6 any male does. after all, thats all it comes down to, we were given genitals to fuck with so why not put them to good use? its a basic male instinct to want sex

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-16 04:02 ID:DIhQ7tFX

>>2, >>8
Actually, I'm pretty sure that drugs caused him some form of erectile dysfunction. Loss of interest in sex and malfunction of the sex organs can be contributed to by various substances. Don't quote me on it, but I'm fairly sure he mentioned something relating to that before.

BTW: Don't call me a whore, for if I was a whore I would've had sex with him already, right? :>

>>6
Probably not. At this point it feels kind of hard to just remove him from my life completely (and I have tried before.) When I do try to pursue friend/relationships with other men to distance myself from him, something fucks that up, and I end up going back to him out of habit. I can still rely on him to be there at the end of the day through all of his failings.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-16 07:17 ID:S7m/aIsc

>>9 You need to accept the fact that even though he's physically there, he can never be a good friend to you. Put emotions aside and do what is best for YOU. Stop trying to replace him. You can't replace one person with another. Find new friends, preferably female, and move on. I know it's harder said than done, but just DO IT, and then take your time to accept the reality. It will be easier on you to tear yourself away for him, and then look back at it and cry, than to stay there, half by his side, half hating him, in constant agony and confusion.

I've been there. It's easier to just push your worries aside and let things go where they go, but you simply cannot allow that. Try to look at the bigger picture. Your friend is hurting you, emotionally, and you cannot allow a single person to do that to you. You have to be strong. All you have is you in this world is YOU. You're born alone and you die alone. The only person you can rely on is yourself. You are going to be hurting until YOU do something to change it, and I find it impossible to believe that the little specks of good in him are enough to overlook all of the bad that he's done.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-01 01:37 ID:ka/YB8RK

I had someone like that, they were like cancer, I thought we'd be together forever in that sick game.
I always crawled back to him, it felt like I'd die without him.

And then he started hanging out with a girl who hates me, and now he hates me.
And I'm still alive and realise how stupid I was.

It still hurts, but it's best to just ditch the cancer.

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