Confusion in Relationship Definition (10)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-23 08:09 ID:yIpgVZXY

Perhaps not a very good/descriptive title, but hey... turkey coma. Don't expect me to be eloquent right now. XD

Anywho, I'm confused about my relationship with my best friend/wife/secret lover/??? .

We've been friends for 5-6 years, and of late we've been just about inseperable. I've liked her the whole time. 2 years ago I took her out on a date and it went no where (she was dating someone else). A year later I made her a handmade plushie of her favorite game character (lol, we're such nerds... but she loves that thing so much) and told her how I really felt... and she rejected me. That's when things started getting really weird.

About a week later our friendship started becoming exponentially closer, to the point where we were called "husband and wife", tons of flirting but nothing further.
So about a year later, when I came back from a month long trip to Japan, she literally tackles me at her door and constantly tells me for days how horrible it was to be without me, etc. Mushy gushy stuff. XD

So I decide to make my move and confess my love (sounds so cheesy) after we get back from a trip to the beach (missed a great opertunity from atop a hill watching the sun set over the sea...).

When I tell her how I feel and ask her to be with me, she at first tells me she feels the same way and says yes. I'm happier than a pig in poo.
The next day she tells me she changed her mind. She says I'm the only guy for her, that she likes me alot, but that she doesn't want to be with me.

Since then she's started switching between being so close she'll actually make sexual advances (!) to being extremely cruel and vindictive, often within the space of a day. She has even called me "the Seme to her Uke." (Actually I'mthe uke of the relationship...lol).

What the hecks going on? Any ideas as to why she's doing this??

Sorry for the TL;DR, hadta vent...

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-23 09:14 ID:WtwI2xp4

Well,... She seems to be of the undecided type, which has a hard time to figure out what she wants.

But more importantly, it looks like she is unhappy by the lack of challenge from your part. It seems that you are being too submissive to her, and that frustrates her, probably because she gets the feeling that she's the only one calling the shots. For instance, when you did the beach thing, she seemed quite positive.

So I guess you need to take more initiatives, decide to do more things together, and be more assertive in your relationship with her. Control her better when she has bitchy moods, take more decisions, challenge her more.

If you ply to any of her whims, she will find you less interesting than if you have things coming out of you that she has to react to...

Also, maybe the alternation between sexual advances and vindicative mood is a result from you not answearing to obvious signals that she is sending you. Maybe she would prefer that YOU take the initiative, instead of her.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-23 12:33 ID:wwo8pAjc

>Control her better when she has bitchy moods, take more decisions, challenge her more.

Yes, take special caution with these types of situation, women loooove to be bitchy just to initiate conflict with possible "mating partners". Its in their nature to challenge men to see if they are worthy.

>Maybe she would prefer that YOU take the initiative, instead of her.

Definitely, seeing that she is familiar with the words seme and uke, i would presume she likes yaoi, or something along those lines. Girls who like yaoi usually WANT to be dominated, even though they act the opposite way (they just do this because they are ashamed of wanting to be dominated).

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-24 11:04 ID:varg3pZ7

Women like playing games with men. Right now you are a plaything. Stop taking crap from this girl. Be a man and tell her how you feel - if the answer is anything but her pulling down your pants and jumping on you, stop talking to her. Ignore her. If she really wants you, she'll come back to you without any poking or prodding.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-26 22:31 ID:ztuqXMVz

I love manipulating and using guys. so fun

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-26 23:13 ID:gJYBT2gk

I love manipulating and using girls. so fun

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-26 23:21 ID:SXdOJy39

>>1
You deserve a real explanation of some sort from her. If she can't provide you with one then quit playing these games and get out of there.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 03:21 ID:9dw6r6Pz

she's a psycho. run fast.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 12:38 ID:MIEApaXF

She is practically screaming to you to man up. So man UP, whether it is in your relationship or your daily life routine, your accomplishments and so on. They all matter in a relationship.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 17:51 ID:2I/CTEhY

>>5 and >>6 would make a horrifyingly ridiculous pair.

But yeah, OP, looks like you're having some time. Luckily, the rest of the thread seems to know what they're talking about. Since you're a bit submissive, it might be hard to take a more aggressive stance. Just take it a bit at a time, or all at once, I guess it's all up to you. Up to you. Up to you. Echo, echo, echo.

Just remember that people change constantly, and that you can be an aggressive type and still be all nice and cool and stuff.

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