summer love, maybe? (8)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-27 08:47 ID:QikQrm7J

hhmm. first post. Well, this would be the first from a very confused boy.

lets start from the beginning.

The fateful day happened 3-4 summers ago back when I was in high school, on a summer's day at the beach during the annual fireworks festival of the city. This story starts out with a girl, a friend of mine for years past. It was never more than that at the time, and we grew to be best of friends. First off, lets talk about this particular girl so that you'll know the context of the story.

She was your typical problem girl back in high school, a rebel against her parents, had a lot of problems with her family life which led her to excessive partying, etc. etc. However, I've always been by her side steering her into the right direction. (getting her off from starting drugs and getting her to stay in school and succeed in being in a uni-prep program; not too bad on my part huh? :) ) Anyways, we've always been close friends since the start.

Now back to the story. She was grounded for the summer because of a very bad row with her parents. Me, being on good terms with her family, took her out to see the fireworks. As a friend, it was a nice thing to do, and I got her out of the house to "breathe" and have some fun before summer ended. As the day rolled by, It seemed too surreal than any other day. I wish I could stay away from saying that "it felt like being in a movie" cliche, but it seemed way too right for it to be just another one of those days. I'd explain more of what happened that day, but that would make this post longer than anything, and seeing how long it is already is I'm trying to make it as brief as possible. All in all, it was clearly the best summer she'd ever had in her life despite all the problems shes had up to that point. Up till a couple months since I last talked to her, she still remembers that day.

I had come to realize that I was indeed falling for her. At that moment in time, I knew that I had real feelings for her after all this time.

After that day, she disappeared from my radar. Months pass, and the day I meet up with her again she had come crying for help; another bad bf relationship ended. So I decided to take charge, and tell her my feelings. Big mistake, I know, especially right after a bad break up. And so basically, in the span of 3-4 days of talking about things, she shrugs me off. I could easily understand why, at her state, I wouldnt know what to do or say. She left me with, "maybe...in the future, who knows." She asked me why I loved her so, and I couldnt answer directly. Actually, I never really told her exactly how I felt. Things ended there.

Fast forward. 3-4 summers. We eventually lose touch after then, with just small talk here and there since then, but have grown apart, so much so that we haven't spoken to each other as much since that day. I end up going to university, and put everything behind me. I find out shes now going out with a very good friend of mine and they're happy. However, one day I just looked back at that one part of my life and thought about it, there is still a little something there. Maybe its the curiosity of not knowing what might've happened if I said everything, I dont really know. Now the thing is, I dont want to be between her and her bf (my friend) because it seems like they're both happy, but at the same time, I cant betray my own feelings, and after all, I have a lot of unsaid things to say to her (3-4 years now?). Now in my situation, what should I do? Frankly, after a string of relationships throughout my life, this was that one time where I actually did feel something. Thoughts anyone?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-27 11:24 ID:Rm3SfShH

Well she's going out with your friend so you don't want to let yourself get too attatched..

What are the unsaid things you would say to her from those years? Depending on what they are it might be best to keep them to yourself. Look back on that period as a great period in your life, but you'll probably find that other all this time you both have changed as people and what might have seemed so perfect back then is not anymore. That can sound quite bad, but thats why its nice to have those memories to look back on and be like "that was really great, but i should try to move on and enjoy life as much as i did then"

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-27 11:30 ID:Rm3SfShH

Also, for future reference, if a girl you like asks you why she loves you then you really should answer. I did the same and I can't help thinking about what could've been. So say something about her personality that attracts you, the way she makes you feel when you're around her.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-27 12:48 ID:+Mygzcd5

Agreed with the other comments,... You had your chance, and let it slip. Although it feels sad, it's better to move on, and meet new people, instead of re-hashing old stories.

BTW, maybe you'll enjoy 5 centimeters per second, by Makoto Shinkai, which deals exactly with those issues :)

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-27 20:53 ID:Wux8jmeB

i watched makoto shinkai with a girl and after that she hated me :(

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-27 23:03 ID:zodoAtOp

>>5

How?! Makoto Shinkai's a genius storyteller. Honestly, people just can't handle a little B'AWWfest once in a while anymore.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 00:29 ID:kpuIaxrj

I'm guessing it is a jap drama ?
most people now-a-days would be to ignorant to enjoy it and just bash on those who do.
Seems only a few really get to enjoy it.

You should move on man, its been so long, maybe it is over?
If you do plan on saying something, wait until her relationship with your friend is over, and wait longer next time... don't just flow her with your feelings right after she broke up with her boyfriend ^_^;;.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-28 19:44 ID:ofz3QrHH

hey, back again, yeah I guess its finally over; yeah I shouldn't have done that at all in the first place, confessing right after a bad break up, the fact that she left me hanging left me with a sort of empty space you know? why did she say "maybe" instead of a clear "no" at all? you guys aren't the first ones to tell me this though, friends of mine have told me to move on, and that it wasn't fair the way she just left me hanging that way.

I dont know, maybe I'm just looking for some answers.

Last summer actually, she wanted me to spend time with her more, for some odd reason after a couple years since we last really talked. I say okay, and we keep in touch for the summer, however, we never actually did spend time with one another. And by summer end, she tells me that shes with my friend now. So, I put on a smile, tell her he's an alright guy, and then walk away and never saw her again since. Why? well, thats one question I think will be left unanswered.

Although, you guys are right in saying I should move on, I have a nagging pull to just finally end things with a a letter of everything that I've felt since that time. Anyways, I will be leaving on a university exchange by next year, so I won't see her again for a very long time. So I might just do it then, the day I leave. Right now though, I do hold on to that memory as something really worthwhile, and its something that will stick with me however sad it ended. Its comforting to know that stuff like you see in movies could happen (I might be stretching it here a bit, lol) It sure does get "girl" friends of mine as they like hearing the full story every now and then :)

I've watched the 1st Chapter and half of the 2nd Chapter of "5 Centimeters Per Second," and I must say you guys are really bang on with this. The first chapter pretty much explains my relationship with her at the time, the feel of it, minus the "blizzard train trip" part.

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