Sorry for tl;dr ;\ (9)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 05:54 ID:hodAJO5I

My "internet boyfriend"(for lack of a better term) went on a month long trip with his family to a different country. We both live in the US regularly, but on opposite coasts. We've known each other online for over a year and were planning to meet each other this January. We weren't internet dating or anything like that, just became close friends and decided we'd like to take things a step further but that the only way would be to see each other in person. We agreed to not be with other people until that time.

Ok, so he's on this trip and he meets his very pretty(according to him) cousin, who is around his age. Normally, this would be nothing to me, but the way he talked about her really put up some red flags because, well, he has an incest fetish and he just seemed very into her. After the day he met her, he started acting weird. After spending one full day with her alone, he started becoming extremely conflictive when we'd get the opportunity to talk on the phone(international long distance is a bitch). He started multiple fights in one day over very trivial things(me having a two drinks, whether or not I played a video game, and hanging out with my best friend) while I pretty much begged him to stop and asked him why he was being that way. This culminated in him saying we couldn't talk until he came back to the states because he had a fight with his mother because of me(due to being in a bad mood about the fight HE started).

This was absolutely unacceptable to me. I told him if we didn't talk while he was there, I'd really feel like he didn't care about my feelings because it seemed like he was just making excuses and trying to have a guilt-free trip without thinking of me(especially since he was practically in tears the day he left thinking about how little we'd get to talk, saying he almost wished he hadn't agreed to go). He kept being angry and said to leave him alone. I told him if he kept acting like this, we wouldn't be talking again. He didn't take me seriously. He didn't try to speak to me again me until the day after the day I knew he was seeing her again, and then started texting me on and off. He's texted me a few times since then, I think it's been about a week now. I haven't responded to him in any way, and have blocked him out of my life in every way possible, even e-mails. My friends assure me that this is the best thing, to just not speak to him again or see him ever, because of this and other reasons(his general immaturity and lack of direction).

Is there any way that we could possibly sort this out? I do miss him, the thought of never being able to really be with him or see him is really hurtful, but I also feel hurt at the way he treated me. I don't know what I could say or do to let him back in my life and trust him again without feeling like an idiot, especially if I followed through with seeing him in a month. I know when he gets back to the US he'll be flooding me with phone calls, I just don't know how to react. Any advice or insight into why a guy would be acting like this would be appreciated.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 08:35 ID:i4LqjZ1A

I think your current attitude is probably the best,... He showed a pretty extraordinary lack of sensitivity, and seems to be extremely self-centered. I don't think he's worth the hassle, there are plenty of more mature people aroung to be with.

I mean, if it's already this bad, so early in the relationship, I don't see it getting any better.

As for why he's acting like that: he's the best person to answer, although he probably won't. I guess that being close to someone he's attracted to confused him. Since he thinks first and foremost about himself and his apetites, he probably indulged himself into whatever fancies he had at the moment. After he was separated from the girl, he felt more lonely and thought about you. Basically he'll just follow any of his current whim, and so is totally unreliable.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 09:38 ID:dYdvENk1

He was acting like an asshole because he wanted to distance himself to you while being around his cousin. Let this guy be, he'll be nothing but trouble in the end.

So far, nothing serious has happened between you two, feelings aside. Let it stay at that.

Do please however, at least tell him why you do it, in case you decide to cut him lose.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 10:07 ID:hodAJO5I

OP here, thank you for the replies. I feel like I keep looking for justifications to talk to him, I guess I just had very high hopes for us. I do feel like he's been incredibly selfish, and I keep hoping there's a way to reconcile that, but I don't think there is.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 16:38 ID:en37671G

it's your choice -__-

he must feel really sorry now.
and.. he didn't cheat on you did he?

the incest thingie is a bit creepy though... ¬¬
good luck >_<

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 17:56 ID:dYdvENk1

>>4

I agree with >>5 on the incestual shit, that's just way out there. Stay clear. Besides he seems to act without much afterthought and consideration. Let this guy mature and save your high hopes for someone else. Hope doesn't come in bundles these days, don't throw it away.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 19:48 ID:hodAJO5I

>>5
>>6

I really didn't think the incest thing was too weird, as long as it stayed confined to manga/hentai/other pornography and was all just a fantasy. He even told me he didn't think real incest was attractive, but later told me he'd had a crush on another cousin when he was younger.

I don't know what he did or didn't do, or if he'd even consider it "cheating" if he did something. My friend said he probably just wanted to do whatever he wanted and think of it as "that time C and I were fighting and I did whatever with my cousin," as opposed to "that time I messed around with my cousin." :\

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-03 20:40 ID:1661/Dho

To be honest, some men are assholish and immature unintentionally. However, I don't think that really grants them a free ride to do whatever. Sooner or later he'll have to assume responsibilty for his actions, and taking away something dear from him as a result of his actions would only help. So yes, OP, do distance yourself from him, but make sure he knows why.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-09 21:45 ID:9xvJkYYT

I think in this situation the best thing to do would be to directly confront him about it. If he gets angry and defensive, just be sure to state that you want to HELP him to save your relationship. If he doesn't want to make changes for the better, I would say ditch him. I don't think internet relationships are good for long-term dating.

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