I don't get it (48)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 06:28 ID:0kPk8KBS

My best friend is female, she has boyfriend and I'm happy for her, but one thing
really bothers me. She always says to me something like, "You'll find someone who
likes you just like you are."

Is she lying? I mean, I'm a geek. Spend most of my free time on computer etc.
So... things she says feel somewhat impossible to come true. I'm 21, never had any kind of relationship so kind of baffled about all this...

Also, I hate how some feelings pop up. As in, feel ok spending time alone, but then starting to feel lousy to be alone.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 06:38 ID:PQnnSRjH

You are what is commonly referred to as this woman's "gay best friend". That alone should tell you something about yourself. This means you're interesting, funny, a laugh to be around and a caring, understanding friend. It also means that most normal women wouldn't let your genetic material (or its delivery system) within several meters.

When she says you'll find "someone who likes you just like you are" what she means is "a frumpy, desperate female nerd version of yourself". Not that she would ever admit that this explicitly to your face.

Her boyfriend makes fun of you when they are alone, and she laughs. Sure, she says, "that's mean, don't make fun of him, he's my friend". And then they fuck, forgetting all about the fact you even exist.

Either learn to enjoy your official role of "asexual court jester", or grow a fucking pair and start hating women like every good man should.

Do you "get it" now?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 10:50 ID:Heaven

>>2

applause

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 11:52 ID:Heaven

>>2

I hate you, be you right or wrong.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 12:35 ID:soL2lDBc

>>2
ouch.

6 Name: Henshaw : 2008-01-08 15:06 ID:AOdZzxaj

7 Name: Truth : 2008-01-08 15:12 ID:AOdZzxaj

>>2 hahaha he's right, the main reason i dumped most of my female friends as they kept bitching about their problems..but meh i wasn't into them so i saw NO REASON to keep em around. If you are into a chick, please don't be the sissy 'i'm nice guy friend', just get to the point. ask her out, if she says "no" remove her from your list/msn whatever.

It's really true, i had this female friend who had the lousiest bf, who always cheated on her, etc etc..and i always said "what are you doing..you know the usual Bitchy best friend advice". But one day we went on a friendly date,movies or whatever and i just grapped her and kissed her and eventually we had sex. She felt horrible and she said she cheated on her bf. I replied:" I don't care and simply left" To my amazing, i screwed her more times then i could count, but i still didn't care for her..just sex. You get it? ACT LIKE A GUY, Fuck em all....BUT if you do meet that special one (which doesn't come very often), threat her well but do not fall into the friend zone or you are fucked (it's not like the goddamn movies where the nerd/best friend gets lucky at the end).

Mannup, and try to kiss your female friend and CHASE her off.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 15:16 ID:yrJ1rdf7

>BUT if you do meet that special one (which doesn't come very often), threat her well but do not fall into the friend zone or you are fucked (it's not like the goddamn movies where the nerd/best friend gets lucky at the end)

orz

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 16:41 ID:B8z9Ayxz

>>1

She may be right, who knows,...

However, you'll have to realize that if you want to have a relationship, you'll need to spend less time in front of a computer (the compouter can help you find a gf, but not to keep it).

To keep a gf, you need to do things with her, and usually this means quite a change in your life. You should probably think about those changes, and how do you view them.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-08 21:40 ID:Heaven

>>2 Big true and great post, made me laugh loud.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 01:35 ID:HLE/dTjg

Duke Nukem Forever will be released before "being yourself" gets a girl to like you.

The fact is, we NEED to put up fronts and acts, change the way we talk and think, just to get positive attention from the opposite sex. Once you've got an established relationship, you can gradually introduce the person to your more basic self, in hopes of not shocking them away.

Who knows. An attitude adjustment can become permanent if you like the results you're getting

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 03:57 ID:Xr36E7+J

>>2>>7 agreed. there is no such thing as a male being just friends with a female. it may look like that on the outside but we all know the only reason they hang around the female is because there is the slightest chance that they could get a fuck out of it. the female views this differently however. females honestly believe that the male is there for their personal use and that the male actually cares for them.. yes, women of you as an object, and are indeed inferior when it comes to common sense; all us males know that.

>>1 give it up, shes only using you, and when she says that you'll find someone, shes lieing. the only person you will find is as >>2 said; some desperate pathetic low-life whore. when you meet this person you will elope with them and feed off eachothers loneliness. the only way you can escape this fate is if you MAN THE FUCK UP. tell your attention seeking whore friend that the only reason you hang around her is because of her cunt.

your position is grave my friend, you need to not only change her opinion of you, but also her friends opinion of you. dont worry abotu the boyfriend tho, let him treat her like shit cos thats what she is worth; that is what all women are worth. men shouldnt have to lift a finger. us men should make the rules.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 07:08 ID:0kPk8KBS

OP here.

Well, thanks for "useful" advice, to most of you. In nutshell, you guys suggest that.

  1. "start hating women" - what planet are you from? Friggin' Tarak or something?
  2. there is no such thing as a male being just friends with a female. - So, only person I can talk about stuff isn't my friend.
  3. let him treat her like shit cos thats what she is worth; that is what all women are worth. men shouldnt have to lift a finger. us men should make the rules. - I shold become an asshole, is that it?

You ppl suck. I'm outta here.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 07:39 ID:PQnnSRjH

>>13

Glad I could help.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 08:47 ID:Xr36E7+J

>>13 yes dont you get it?? women love assholes!! why do you think that it is that everywhere you look you see dumb whores with even worse boyfriends? why do we have the saying "nice guys finish last"? hate to break it to you brother, but it is true.

/thread

i fucken lol'd

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 10:17 ID:SrQO6iTc

>>1/13
Listen, dont listen to these morons on here.

There is some truth in what they say but its not all right. The main thing that they are missing is the common sense to NOT be a jackass which is what makes them assholes.
You dont have to be a jackass to a woman to get close to them.
Yes that chick you are friends with is probably never gonna even kiss you but oh well, move on. As soon as you do you will realize that she was not worth the time spent. Men and women cannot be friends;this is true, but there are some circumstances where it does happen.
Sadly the way you view the friendship is probably not the same as she does.

My advice, move on from your friend, try to find someone else who has common ground with you. Trust me there are tons of computer nerdy chicks who are smoking.

I myself have found a girl whos a total bookworm and is extremely intelligent. Aside from that, she is just gorgeous. I mean drop dead gorgeous. Like Naru from love hina, that kinda gorgeous. <3

Youll find one dude, just chill and live life. Im only 22. Gotta enjoy life on your own first before you can enjoy it with someone else.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 14:01 ID:Heaven

>>15
I'll stick with my principles, even if I must finish my days alone.

And I'll be happy having lived a good man. It might be hard sometimes, but it's what life is after all.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 15:47 ID:Xr36E7+J

>>17 i cant argue with that. regardless, if you want meaningless sex be an asshole. however, if you want a relationship, do as >>16 says

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 16:58 ID:yrJ1rdf7

>>18
That's what I meant.

As I don't care that much about sex (read: meaningless sex = blah), I'll stick to my path wherever it takes me - loneliness, or a great relationship (or, well, more than one, life isn't that short after all).

I'm ready. Bring it on.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 20:07 ID:ft/hH8lM

to be honest, you need to be a bit of a jackass as well as a nice guy for a girl to even contemplate seeing you in 'that' sort of light. recently a friend of mine started seeing this guy who was, according to her, the nicest guy a girl could meet, a real sweetie, and yet after a few weeks of dating she became bored and ended up sleeping with his best friend, who she originally thought was an arrogant asshole.
but then again this girl likes to sabotage her own happiness so this example proves nothing...
just be yourself and hope for the best?

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 20:46 ID:PQnnSRjH

You still don't get it.

It's not about being an asshole. It's about NOT being a pathetic doormat. Women want confident, aggressive men. You can be friends with women, but you can't EVER let them forget that you are a MAN. And to do that you have to have a little bluster, you have to have a little edge.

Being a "nice guy" is basically neutering yourself. That doesn't mean you can't be nice to women, it just means you shouldn't wrap yourself up in this "nice guy" persona. Seriously, you're making a martyr out of yourself, and no woman finds that attractive. At best you might get a "pity fuck" from the attractive women you desire. You'll be thrown a piece of pussy like a dog getting table scraps. Is that what you want?

Continue with your Mr. Nice Guy routine. I'm not saying you won't get a girl that way. But she will be the same sort of pathetic, crawling lowlife that you are, and you will have to constantly live with the knowledge that you are both settling for what you can get, along with the pervasive fear that someone like me could come along and ruin your life. And I would, given the chance, not because it would be hilarious, but because I think it would help you to grow into the man you need to be. Also it would be hilarious.

What you fail to understand is that women are crazy, irrational creatures driven by primal instincts that don't respect your notions of 'decency'. They may talk shit on 'cavemen' and 'cheesy assholes', but they regularly give it up to such men. Women are always on the look out for the 'alpha male'. And YOU, Mr. Nice Guy, are not it. You're on par with one of their girlfriends, and fit such descriptions as 'non threatening' or 'just one of the girls'.

This has nothing to do with meaningless sex or one night stands. Okay it COULD. But this holds true for women seeking RELATIONSHIPS. Believe it.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 21:19 ID:Heaven

>>alpha male

Stopped reading there. I can't take anyone who tries to apply concepts from wolves' social behavior, who have completely different behavioral patterns than humans, seriously.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-09 21:40 ID:PQnnSRjH

>>22

It's an analogy more than anything. But the truth is that women are attracted to men with dominant/confidant personalities.

The rest is colourful window dressing to stress this point.

>It's not about being an asshole. It's about NOT being a pathetic doormat.

Is all you really need from >>21

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 00:56 ID:ft/hH8lM

as a woman, I can tell you that although it's true that a lot of girls are attracted to the 'alpha male' type, they don't dream of long-term relationships with them. in the long term it's better to be the nice guy than the aggressive guy, >>21, as women look for a man who they feel completely comfortable with, who make them laugh and who are confident and at ease with themselves. being the nice guy is not neutering yourself. most intelligent, self-respecting women are interested in ATTENTIVE, kind men.
as long as you have some kind of sense of humour, can carry a normal conversation, are willing to forgive moodswings and moments of complete irrationality, even if you aren't the cutest guy around, there's a very good chance that most women will give you a chance. and if they do, just try your best to not fuck it up.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 01:09 ID:l5BBGil3

Yeah, confidence / personality is a very big thing, a small bit of charm counts too. But I think there's more to it than that.
(Speaking from experience I was once someone who was once hopeless with girls)

  • clean yourself up (I don't know where you're from, but GQ and FHM magazines usually can give you some insight on fashion, you don't need to lose the geek, but refine it a bit, make yourself look approachable)

-work on your social skills (remember, women love to yammer on about themselves so if you're a total social plank just try listening and occasionally giving advice)

  • do something sporty, (even if it's just plonking a rowing machine in your flat and spending 40mins on it daily, this at the very least will make you appear like there's blood running through your veins)
  • set realistic targets (this is a weird one, but really you need to find girls that you have something in common with, there's no point lusting after someone if in reality your relationship will lack substance ----- and by the way, OP's "friend" probably has nothing in common with him, she's probaby just using him to make up for all the personality that her boyfriend lacks)

DO NOT listen to anyone here who posts on about the "alpha male/treat her like the bitch she is" mentality, this is only going to wind you up with a fuckrag, and will turn you into an even worse loser than you already are. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that NORMAL WOMEN like to be TREATED RIGHT. Girls who like assholes are either classic victims, or just fuckrags.

Trust me, I know this, I've been treating my girlfriend (now fiancée) right for the past 6 years, and things only go from good to better. And every other girl I've been with I've treated well, and have been treated well in return.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 01:12 ID:xw2Q0c/I

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 02:13 ID:2BLTPnvT

>>1

> She always says to me something like, "You'll find someone who

likes you just like you are."

I know, that sort of thing brings my blood to a boil. But you have to remember that if she's saying that sort of thing, she can't help it.

Women (arguably just like all people) are short-sighted. When they say something like that, they really are just trying to make you feel better. They don't realise that they could be wrong, or that it makes you angry or upset on the inside. They think they've raised your hopes. They think they've done some good for you. They've inadvertently chosen the short term benefit of comforting you over the long term goal of improving yourself so that the statement does ring true.

Anyway, hearing stuff like that won't do you any good. Next time she tells you, ask her why she believes that. She can't help it, but if you can stop her, it'll be better for you in the long run.

As for the loneliness problem, >>25 has covered it pretty well. The only thing I have to add is that in order for someone else to find you and your life good enough to be a part of, you need to learn how to be your own man first.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 02:22 ID:ft/hH8lM

>>27

"The only thing I have to add is that in order for someone else to find you and your life good enough to be a part of, you need to learn how to be your own man first."

well said :)

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 02:23 ID:SrQO6iTc

>>16 here,

I approve of >>25's message completely. The only downfall is that not everything works out all butterflies and sugar kisses. There will be stupid bitches who think they want a relationship and then end up just fucking up your life.
this is all part of life though, so get to living. I am.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 04:20 ID:AaOnmSce

> The only thing I have to add is that in order for someone else to find you and your life good enough to be a part of, you need to learn how to be your own man first.

Quoted for Truth.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 05:34 ID:PQnnSRjH

>>24

Sure thing, princess.

You have fun in Super Happy Fun Denial Land.

Clear headed scrutiny of your post only confirms what I've been saying. You claim not to want to neuter a man, then proceed to describe a scenario where you admit that you get horny for He-men but ultimately want to settle down with "willing to forgive mood swings and moments of complete irrationality". In other words, you want to bang a hot guy and then settle for a not ugly guy who will buy you what you want and not tell you you're a bitch even when you're acting like one.

You should fucking be ashamed of yourself >>24

But then again, you're probably the "frumpy, desperate female nerd version" of >>1 mentioned above.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 06:10 ID:ft/hH8lM

>>31

well, if you want to twist my words like that because you are a cynical bastard who got rejected a few too many times (I wouldn't be surprised, with that attitude) that's okay.

guys, don't listen to him. all I can say is that if you want to have a successful relationship, treat your partner the way you would want to be treated.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 06:34 ID:PQnnSRjH

>>32

>treat your partner the way you would want to be treated

Does that include "mood swings and moments of complete irrationality"? Sure it does, Oprah, no man has ever had 911 dialed on him for any of THAT.

Don't listen to this woman >>1. Only the He-Man Woman Haters Club can set you free.

Together we will resist the Gynocracy.

34 Name: OP : 2008-01-10 09:58 ID:0kPk8KBS

>>25
>>27

Thanks for useful advice. Hmm, I think I'll go to gym today.

About what >>25 said, well.. both me and my friend are anime watchers, use computers lot etc.
And her bf, well, we were pals school, he's an good guy.

35 Name: 25 : 2008-01-10 10:13 ID:NYGXS/zN

>>34

Sorry about that, I didn't understand the dynamic of your friendship, It was just a generalisation, but it's typical of people in that situation (I'm sure you wouldn't deny that you've seen it yourself with other people from time to time).

Best of luck with the gym!

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 12:39 ID:Heaven

>>33
BAWWWWW SINGLE WHITE MIDDLE CLASS MEN ARE SO OPPRESSED

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 15:21 ID:hDb/2VN4

pfft, you think YOU got it bad? try growing up in CHINA. christ, what's the male-female ratio there? like i think there are 70 million more men than women (don't quote me on that, it just sounded familiar) not to mention mandatory military service.

and to >>36
"Rockin' the Suburbs!"

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-10 21:12 ID:PQnnSRjH

>>36

Keep guessing, Anon.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-11 08:11 ID:VI1Pdm5x

The truth lies somewhere between being a nice guy and being an asshole. I know I like someone relatively attractive and fun who I know is able to defend me if worst comes to worst. A lot of what I get out of being with a guy is the sensation of being smaller. Don't completely emasculate yourself, allow yourself to be bored and change the subject when she bitches about life with you, but be there for here if something big comes up.

But the whole being there for her shit comes after you've gotten her interested in you. If she's complaining about some problem to you, say something like "come on, let me take you out to lunch to take your mind off of it." Then change the goddamn subject. Get her laughing.

I like manliness. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was emasculated, and shoved him so hard into the "you're my best friend in the world" category it's disgusting. Girls don't actually want to be constantly complimented and clung to, because that's boring.

40 Name: OP : 2008-01-11 09:33 ID:0kPk8KBS

Good comments, thanks people.

I have another question. About, let's just say, psychological issue (probably it's that).

As in, I feel ok being single and all, but still get depression about being alone sometimes. Feels really wierd.
Even more so, as I thought about relationships, I realized that wouldn't know what to do in one, or how to get along with other person.

Does this point to emotional immaturity, inexperience or what?

41 Name: 25 : 2008-01-11 11:19 ID:NYGXS/zN

I think it points to nothing in particular, I've even felt like that when I'm not in a relationship from time to time, it's perfectly normal. I suppose I'm as happy to be single as I am to be in a relationship, in fact I'm engaged and I can tell you long to be single from time to time.

>I realized that wouldn't know what to do in one

This is absolutely nothing too worry about, what if you were starting a new job – obviously you couldn't just walk in and click into place, you have to get a feel for it. Relationships are the same, of course you can't know what to do in one, because you're not in one at the moment, once you're in a relationship it will come much more naturally.

It's definitely not a psychological issue (you're copping out by saying that), it's just that you have to do a little work to get into a relationship.

I wouldn't worry too much, just chill out a bit and follow some of the good pointers mentioned in this thread, the only way forward is just to get off your ass and do it (this goes for everything in life). ;)

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-25 00:56 ID:66Ny4KSd

>>2

My ex's "gay friend" is the one she got drugs from. He's also the one whose house she would spend the night at. He's also the one that would get drunk with her. And he was 3 years younger than her.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-25 01:02 ID:Heaven

>>39

Why the FUCK do you date then? For fun?

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-25 01:11 ID:8nde+XBk

>>43

I date because I find it enjoyable, and there are certain people I want to have something closer than a friendship with. I like some amount of commitment, I like someone there for me, but I don't like it when dates become these boring hours spent with the guy telling me "I love you so much, you're so beautiful, I'm only happy when you're around." That's a huge amount of pressure on me, since I have a lot of friends who I enjoy spending time with without a boyfriend around.

So, yes. One of the reasons I date is because it's fun.

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-25 01:46 ID:hee0UiKZ

>>44
That's not dating. That's someone being waaaaaaaay too attached.

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-25 08:05 ID:8nde+XBk

>>45

Oh, it was dating. It was just dating with none of the benefits, because his clinginess killed any attraction to him, so I remained a virgin through the whole time. Back when I was still really into dating him, he moved way too slowly about the whole thing... which in and of itself was a huge turn-off. He was into "respecting my boundaries," which is all very well and good, but I would have loved it if he'd pushed a little harder to discover where those boundaries were. ;_;

It wasn't all his fault - I probably should have told him all this, but... yeah... don't be a wet blanket, guys!

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-25 12:20 ID:Heaven

>>46

Yes, but it's often extremely difficult to discern what the boundaries are, and thus the risk of inadvertently stepping over them is extremely high.

Having already been falsely accused of sexual harrassment once before, and knowing what a fun and charming experience that is, I can tell you that I would never, ever "push a little harder".

Do that, and you open the doors to a world of shit.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-26 23:43 ID:Heaven

>>46

What's wrong with "respecting your boundaries", slut? Aren't you glad he's being considerate? It means he respects you a lot, unlike guys like me who just fucks women like they were toys.

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