My fiance injured his back recently and has moved in with my family and I. I have been playing nurse to him, which I don't mind. That is what you do, you know? When your lover sick or hurt you take care of them.
The problem is his emotional state, he can't move at all as he has torn a ligament in his back. He is quite disabled and this injury also injures his future plans. He was supposed to go to boot camp next week, but now we are not sure if he will be able to go at all anymore. He might just have to wait longer, but as he lays in bed he becomes more fussy. I worry that he could fall into a depression because of this. He is very negative and I have never seen him like this before. I do what I can to try and keep his spirits up but he just tunes it out. He also knows that I am going to do whatever he needs me to do, so he is starting to get very spoiled and there is an ungratefulness that is starting to show.
It is taking it's toll on me, my bed is very small so to be more comfortable for him, I was going to sleep on the floor. There is the couch, but I want to be in the room should he need anything late at night. Well, he wants me in bed with him as he says it brings a comfort. Well, it is so uncomfortable for me that I don't get a wink of sleep. I am up all day and night, making sure he's got his pills, water, cooking three meals a day, plus making him tea and sweets. Then of course massaging his feet and hands to focus less on the pain of his back. I do these things for him anyways, but his attitude is really making it hard.
I just don't know what I can do for him to make this easier for the both of us. Any ideas?
If I were him, I'd want to get back my independence.
I'd want to get up and do things on my own, but the inability to do so would be frustrating.
I'd want my de facto nurse to make me take on as much responsibility for myself as possible. This would naturally make it easier on her, too.
I'd also hope that there aren't a lethal amount of painkillers next to my bed so I don't try and end the indignity.
I'm not your fiance though, so I don't really know what he wants.
>>2
In a situation like that I would be quite offended at #2
Bring something like that up very carefully.
I'm guessing there's a high chance he is going to be paralized for the rest of his life. I'm very sorry.
There's only one thing you can do - rest, relax, and reassure him. as >>3 said I would be very frustrated that I would have to rely on my fiance for everything if I was in that situation, as my career and whole life would be upside down instantly. (Men need independence) Emotional shock is nearly impossible to overcome, but at least you can try your best.
If it physically and emotionally tires you out, then maybe you can "relax" a bit so that it's easier on him and you too? If you work up too hard and something happens to you, who's gonna take care of him then?
I normally don't say this but good luck, I hope everything works out for you and your fiance.
Paralysed for the rest of his life because of a torn ligament? In your dreams, perhaps,...
As for the OP, I think you just need to do as you do in a normal situation, define what are the limits and impose them. You can't sleep well, then don't sleep with him. You explain the reasons, and you stick to it. Same for the rest, if you don't like something, speak about it. If you don't do this, he'll become more and more spoiled, and this will depress him even further.
It often helps people to not just enjoy love from the other, but also to face stable limits to regulate their behavior.
He's lucky it's not permanent and very lucky to have someone like you caring for him.
if he starts getting "accustomed" to this bedlife, you'll have to slowly make it "uncomfortable." by that, i mean, make it so that he wants to leave the bed rather than be waited on.
also, as to your current predicament, try to use those sweets and other nice things more like treats (is that the right word) rather than the norm, otherwise, why wouldn't he get accustomed to them. if he complains, say you've been busy, or your wrist hurts or something, or you are getting worn out.