[relationship issue]frequency of meeting up (8)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-16 18:17 ID:IWa3vvm2

its bugging me occasionally that my girlfriend doesn't seem like alot of other girls in that she's okay with meeting me infrequently ie. once a fortnight is okay with her. i've seen many other girls complain about not meeting their bfs enough.

normally we already meet up only once a week.

when i talked to her about htis she says once a week's already plenty. and she values quality time over quantity.

i still can't help feeling weird and kinda invalidated...i would htink that if you're enjoying the relationship you would like to see the other party more often.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-16 18:36 ID:BfHmwowY

Just accept that in this case you're the one who wants to increase the frequency, and negotiate that with her, like any normal couple. Don't start introducing gender issues into the mix,...

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-17 03:51 ID:ODKxftr8

There's some merit to your concern; girls who are "into you" will be all over you. IM, e-mail, text messages, gifts, she tries her hardest to prevent you from forgetting about her. She wants to see you again as soon as possible.

BUT, it's possible you have a mentally stable and "enlightened" girl, which is infinitely better than the former I just described. There's a lot of context you're leaving out. How long have you two been together? How far do you live from each other? Is she heavily involved in work/school/other activities?

Make sure every time you meet is positive and quality time. One way to check if she's into you: Cancel a date. If she promptly suggests a new time or day, she cares about meeting you enough to set up a new plan on her own. If she's okay with going another week without seeing you, that's a red flag.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-17 05:20 ID:93pMNLPI

>>3

10 months. we live very near. yeah she's got a lot of family commitments and her own friends.

i think you've hit the nail on the head with the quality and positive time thing. sometimes there jsut doesnt seem to be anything to do.

anyway, if i cancel a date, she does suggest a new day but usually it IS next week.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-17 08:09 ID:mIlXVBPI

maybe you should give her a surprise visit and see if she's cheating on you. Just make an excuse like at her doorstep out of the blue and says that you feel like kissing her .... have you guys even get physical yet...?

6 Name: SpireAtlanta : 2008-02-18 02:22 ID:THSqzMuN

>>5 is paranoid.

OP< if you want to spend more time with her, then ask if that'd be alright with her and see what you can work out.

If you're really just wondering about her interest level, then ask if she'd like for the two of you to meet up more often. Perhaps it isn't that she's busy, but that she thinks you might be, that you might enjoy your time alone, etc.

Then again, maybe she simply enjoys her time alone, or something similar.

Are funds an issue?

There are a billion possibilities. Talk to her.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 15:14 ID:DBY7+092

>>6

OP here. yeah i agree 5's being paranoid.

i guess you're right...she simply enjoys some time alone. and what she keeps saying that it's the quality of the time spent that matters and not the quantity. oh well. i can live with that for now...

sometimes i just get insecure and start thinking alot when she seems reluctant to meet up more often or doesn't seem to feel the 'pain' when we don't get to meet up.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-23 03:01 ID:THSqzMuN

>>7 You're a good guy, 7. You just need to realize that some people have a very casual approach to life, and some have a very set routine. This may be something that shows the two of you to not be compatible in the long run. My advice is to just try to let your fears settle.

I don't know how to go about doing it, really, but you somehow need to put yourself in her place or get outside of your insecurity. Once you feel more at ease, see if it's your insecurity that motivates you to be together more often, or your desire to be near her. If it's the latter, then let her know that and see if you two can't set up an extra date a week or something.

Also, it might be a good idea to ask her if she's feeling bored, or like the dates are routine, even if they Are quality time. That could be a part of her decision-making process. (Ie, is it more valuable to me to spend my time on X or on X, and so far your X dates have just been composed of being around each other, rather than Also being fun/worthwhile activities in that sense)

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