Recovering. (6)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-03 18:31 ID:37jaPKHs

(I hope it all sounds optimistic and critical instead of emo; because it's partially about stopping being emo, "lovehurt" etc.)
So I have been a stupid, stupid man, and managed to fall in love (whatever that means) with a girl; ended up spending two years of high school chasing after her - at least that's what I thought I'm doing; I guess repeatedly giving her signs that I'm attracted to her, would do anything for her, etc. - wasn't exactly a good idea.

Finally, after graduating, I thought that even if I'm already too late, I should ask her out. Which I did, receiving the usual "let's just be friends" bullshit. And it hurt me pretty bad, because before I managed to bring myself to the point when I thought about her the whole day, she was the whole reason I even went to the school.

Unfortunately I went to the same college as her, so in my stupidity I decided that I should actually stay friends with her - again, bad, bad idea. Don't ever do anything like that - it looks like the best decision, or at least the easiest, but it brings you to a whole new world of pain.

Fortunately, after about two months of torture I managed to realize that the only way out is to completely cut her off - what I consider the wisest decision I made and recommend to anyone. (Even after this, several months later, I tried to talk to her again - only to realize that nothing has changed and I should pull out of this while I still can. Now she has a boyfriend, I hear, and this hopefully will prevent me from such acts of stupidity.)

Anyway - what I'm trying to do now is to change my attitude - actually realize that I was wrong, that I had no chance from the beginning, and what exactly I did wrong and should avoid in the future (looks like the thing I should avoid the most is too deep involvement too early...)

Lately I've been looking into the PUA stuff, and while my goal is not to "pick up thousands of women", they do have a point about what to do and what to avoid in contact with girls. So I'll be trying to change myself.

I just don't want to hear the phrase "Let's just be friends" EVER AGAIN.

I was even thinking about going over my conversations [the chat records] with that girl, and trying to pinpoint what I did wrong, and what was her reaction to that. But I decided it would be too painful.

Still, there are some things I stopped caring about, some music I stopped listening to because it reminds me too much of her, and a style of serious yet funny conversation I was using only when talking to her; now these things are all shut off somewhere - and I guess I will have to regain them, as they are a part of myself.

So... that's my story. Thanks if you actually read it, and sorry if it didn't interest you: I just needed to say it somewhere, that I have a resolution to change myself - and it seemed like a good place to do it, unlike, say, 4chan...

Feel free to ask about details, comment, share similar experiences or give advice what else should I do.

2 Name: Confession of an ex-friend : 2008-05-03 19:21 ID:6MEtKkYy

Don't feel bad, i went through the same thing. First time she said the friend bullshit thing, yet i played along. Second, we went out on dates and actually became a couple. Third, it didn't last long and we broke up (actually i dumped her), and from there it went all to hell because she actually was meeting someone behind my back. She wanted to stay friends,i said "riiiight". Blocked her from msn,phone and that's it. Bad thing was i did meet her in the subway and she smiled and i looked REALLY ugly at her and ignored her. My hatred was too much, so i hacked her email and did some pretty fucked up shit like steal her photos and send her to tons of guys, "private" mails,etc.. aaah seriously, the one who says revenge isn't worth it is bullshiting. I really enjoyed that.

From then, i never saw her again.i will always miss her, there were good times but the bad times were traumatic.

The End.

3 Name: soccerfuu9 : 2008-05-03 21:59 ID:aOIaGwvH

First of all...I WOULD NOT advise anyone to cut ties with anyone as a primary decision; that should be reserved as a worse-case scenario.

Here's an example: I liked this girl from high school for two years...and in a way, I kept eying her like crazy. She was attractive, smart, and easy to talk to. However, we also we through issues as friends...and eventually, I did some stupid shit (wrote disturbing e-mails, said shit about her behind her back) while she also said negative things about me that completely destroyed the friendship. One day, at a party, I took her aside and finally told her "I love you." She dissed me, saying "I liked you as a friend. Right now, I just can't stand to look at your face." For seven months, I was very depressed and cold. I was happy, during that time however, to find another girl that not only listened to my problems, but for some reason...found me sexy (don't ask why). Anyways, I was enjoying my relationship with her...but every time I see that other girl that refused me...my heart continued to hurt like crazy. In a way...I felt like crying at times. Although we hurt each other so much...I still felt like I couldn't leave it like a sour note. Eventually, however, I realized that I shouldn't be bitter about her...cause I still cared and partially...it was my fault for hurting her. We made up as friends...but now we don't talk because we go to two different colleges. Conversations now may not be sweet and happy, but in my heart...at least I did one last thing that won't create horrors in my soul.

The main thing is that "let's just be friends" may be one of the only things that might leave a good mark on a person's life. I still have moments of depression and stress because of other friendships that broke down horribly. I liked them, and but it was never to be. The reason why I try now to be more positive after such an event is because it reflects who I am as a person. Not for gossiping reasons, but more of because I would look self-esteem for myself and how I could treat future friends/loves in my life.

>>1...as much as I understand that you don't want to be friends with her again...just remember the happy times. And...as much as you would try to forget her...there will always be something that will make you remember who she was as a person. Don't forget that whether you guys make up or not in any future...don't disregard the friendship made. I find it was precious to you...so don't keep it like a negative mental thought.

4 Name: OP : 2008-05-03 22:15 ID:37jaPKHs

>>3
I would like to be friends with that girl. We have much shared interests and talk about a lot of things; it's really sad to lose that. It's not that I hate or even dislike her. Actually, the problem is that I still like her too much - and that's why talking with her right now is out of question, and would only hurt me.

Maybe someday I will be able to talk to her again. It may take months or years. But I can't just wait for that, or have that as a priority (that also is a mistake I made at one point), I have to move on.

I believe that cutting ties was my best-case scenario, and if I wouldn't have done that, I would be much worse off right now. (I don't think hating her, and taking revenge on her, would have made me happier...)

5 Name: Mr.Snapple : 2008-05-04 01:57 ID:I0VFGRhM

hello OP I cannot begin to describe how much you remind me of myself. I think I can relate to how you feel. I don't know if it's just certain people but I do agree with you becoming friends with a girl that you like is painful.

I tried to stay friends with a girl that I had feelings for but that turned out to be the worst thing I could have done. It only brought more pain.

Although we don't talk anymore I think it's for the best right now. Maybe sometime in the future if we ever meet again we can be friends.

So OP....maybe cutting your ties with her will help you like it helped me. Keep your head up.... there are plenty more girls out there. ~~~~~~~ Mr.Snapple ^_^

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-05 04:23 ID:t41P/chr

I had to double check the date of your post OP, because honestly you have repeated EXACTLY my life thus far. I spent two years chasing a girl, went to the same college, friend and eventually I cut her out of my life. I looked in the PUA stuff (never went far with it) and changed my life around (for the better I mind you). I did have to stop listening to certain songs for awhile because it reminded me of her. Since it limited my musical selection I started to write music myself to fill the void and it was actually very helpful.

For my situation, she only kept me around for the fact that I was her little bitch, would do anything she would ask for in a heart beat. I stopped talking to her and kind of held hopes my absence would make her realize what she had missed and she will come back and confess her love to me (stupid huh?) or at least as a friend try to keep contact. She has yet to contact me and I am entering my senior year. So when I look back, I did nothing wrong, she was just a bitch, and I am not being bitter about it, she was a legit bitch who used me.

Your situation might not be the same, but I know for a fact the more you dwell on it the more it will hurt. You have to put it all behind you and look forward. I learned what I did wrong (constantly trying to appease everyone, especially her), what I did right (was a gentleman) and improved myself. I am now more social, outgoing, fun and girls now love me (especially my girlfriend). And that started because I put everything behind me and went on to live my life, and one day I realize that I was walking through the park, holding this beautiful girl's hand and felt pure happiness.

So finish up this chapter of your life and start to write a new one, you will be surprise what will happen.

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