ok... so i'm not very good expressing myself so i'll try my best?
right, there's this guy whom i really really really like but it took me a long while to accept. he's my best friend. i kept fighting bak da feelings n reassuring myself tat "love is not da case". now, he knows i like him bcos i told him so.
i found out months ago tat he likes me. but yet when he confessed, he stated then tat he didn't want relationships for another two years or more bcos he doesn't want to b distracted.
i respect tat but... i really do like him now. =[ i've tried ways to get him to change his mind these past 2 weeks but he's either ignoring it or too dense to see it. i mean, 2 yrs!!!
i'm meeting up wif him in a couple of day's time for lunch n all. i kno its like friends meeting up but i keep letting myself think its like a date n all. i keep imagining that. i can't stand not knowing wats going on in his mind. do u think on tat day in a few day's time, its rite to ask him to reconsider da 2-yrs later thing? or will i scare him?
i can't bear to b in the dark any longer. but i dun want us to lose our perfect friendship n to scare him off. HELP!!!
hmmm...
im not really good at advices
but i do want to help
anyways
let him know that you want to be with him
and you cant wait 2yrs
try to explain that you wont distract him at all
or not as much as he thinks
and if he still wont listen
i hate to say it but
move on, he might not be right for you
if he wont even give it a try to be
in a relationship with you
thank u thank u for da advice! but how do i begin to ask him on that day in 2 days' time? would lunch b the right time or will it only spoil our lunch? like, should i b subtle about it or just blab out the question? i dun know how to begin it though...
I can't read this shit... I dunno, blow him or something, he'll like that.
wish me luck... i'm about to take a big leap! only just 2 more days until i pour my heart out. hope it goes right.
be vulnerable. pour you're heart out and tell him what you feel/think. if he can't handle it or rejects you, GREAT. Move on. You've just saved 2 years of your life in exchange for feeling violated for a few days. Plenty of other fish in the ocean. If you guys have a strong friendship bond, then it can take the strain. If you're friendship shatters as a result of this, then it was never strong to begin with. If he does end up accepting you, even better! Either way, you cant loose in taking the big leap. Good for you for having the courage to take the initiative.
oh thank u. i feel so much clearer on wat to do now! its tomorrow!!! how time flies... i should run things over in my mind.
seriously, i reckon there should b a book written that explains the psychology, emotions, n mentally that is hidden within shy guys who have 0 experience in dating. they seem to not understand the term 'romance' n is denser than wood.
but i believe our friendship is strong enough. oh well, it looks like me who has to do the work lol.
seriously, do u think a gurl persisting too much (aka me) on a guy who was initially too shy n quiet to talk to her in da 1st place but has now turned into her best friend (aka him)... do u think that will just degrade the gurl?
wat i'm asking is, isn't it usually the guy having the initiative to ask these sort of questions? gurls r suppose to b the 1s considering n taking time to give their valuable answers right? i kno i'm talking about stereotypes here, but doesn't it make the gurl "cheap" to b persisting so much?
oh thank u. i feel so much clearer on wat to do now! its tomorrow!!! how time flies... i should run things over in my mind.
seriously, i reckon there should b a book written that explains the psychology, emotions, n mentally that is hidden within shy guys who have 0 experience in dating. they seem to not understand the term 'romance' n is denser than wood.
but i believe our friendship is strong enough. oh well, it looks like me who has to do the work lol.
-y didn't it come through, my message?-
oh...so it did...
>>4
That.
having BEEN a shy guy (and still am in many ways i guess), there isn't much to understand. It goes something like this: oh i really like her, but i've known her for so long now she probably considers me as 'just a friend', and i dont have a 6 pack, i dont hang out with the cool kids at school, im such a looser that im browsing 4chan and laughing at web comics. <more rhetoric about lack of self worth> And shes so hot and 3 other guys are after her right now, plus i have to worry about school work and getting a job, and all this romance james bond stuff is just so unlike me and out of my character <more excuses for why the girl will not accept me>, meta-think myself into paralysis and oblivion
Well you only "cheapen" yourself because you're giving up power in the relationship by giving him the option to choose. But the thing is if he doesnt make the move, then he already considers himself unworthy, so you giving him power kinda shifts the balance back, in a backwards sort of way. You dont want to end up in a relationship where you make all the important decision, you want him to be doing 50% if not more. (That way you have the impression of being protected and secure, the whole damsel in distress paradigm) Perhaps the guy just needs a little nudge in the right direction.
important thing is how you communicate all this to him after the first step.
omg, u guys from 4 channel r just so supportive!!! thank u soooooooo much!!! it's tomorrow! i fear i won't b able to sleep 2night...
but i kind of broke my promise n asked him 2day over msn. just to test how much courage i hav 2morro.
tis was how it went...
ME: if i say "because of luv, i would do anything in the world to b there with u n protect u. plz giv me a chance to prove luv does exist. i'm begging u... dun reject me..." wat will u say?
HIM: if u say...
HIM: "if"
ME: u haven't answered me
HIM: do i need to?
ME: yes yes u must answer
HIM: y...
ME: enuf wif da doubts, just answer the question honestly
HIM: its a hard question...
n so then i pretended it was just a joke to save myself from da embarrassment. tell me if i should persist da subject 2morro after this. how do i interpret this? wat does it mean? give up? hang on?
can some1 tell me wat might b going on in his mind? some1 who understands guys like him like >>13?
i'll b checking this 2morro morning b4 i leave home. ur answers will b much appreciated thanx.
>>14
Hmm... you really should have saved that for tomorrow. Well I think what you should do tomorrow is starting by not doing a movement and try to see how he reacts - is he any different? does he look at you in a different way? Try to see if he makes movement to get closer. If after some time nothing happened, just pull up the subject again; "you know, our conversation from yesterday... I'm still wondering what you would have answered" or something like that.
Good luck!
(oh, and please, could you stop the weird spelling and stuff? just take 5 more minutes to write your posts... thanks!)
Yes, you should not have done something like that over MSN, in person is as far beyond IMs as talking is beyond silence; Good luck being honest & sincere in the morning, making certain he understands that the previous night over IM was just a little silly impulsiveness, when you really wanted to say it in person meaningfully;
And PLEASE do stop with the weird spelling... I can understand shortening words like you to "u" or are to "r", but "dis" and "da"... If you're taking the extra effort to type "dis", just type the proper word "This", and instead of "da", type "the"... Otherwise, it sounds like you're trying to come up with your own slang instead of simply abbreviating a few words...
agreed with >>16 here, don't do it over messenger, you really need to see him face to face and read expression/body language. Also as a rule never do break ups or ask ppl out over messenger because it gives the impression that you're hiding behind a monitor because you're afraid to actually be close to someone, and also that you might be insincere. Oh and as a sidenote, its much harder to say no to someone face to face rather than typing "n-o-." on keyboard.
Oh and i'd suggest you dont say stuff like "im begging you" and "please" and "dont reject me" ect. because that makes you look clingy and nothing drives a guy away faster than that. From my limited dating experience, thats a bad way to start off. Something closer to "i really enjoy your company and would like to further develop what we have" might sound more mature and on an equal scale. Really how you approach the guy depends also on his personality, and since us anonymous ppl on the internets haven't met him, and will never know him as well as you do, you're the best judge on how to approach him.
Since you breached the subject over IM, hes responding with 1-2 word answers, and obviously dodging the question like a politician. You kinda dropped a HUGE hint on you're motives, if i were in his shoes, these thoughts would cross my mind. 1) I dont know what to do, this hasn't happened to me before <think deer under headlights frozen in front of car> 2) i'm hesitant to hope for much, maybe shes just using me to fish for responses for when she asks another guy out 3) i'm afraid of answering in affirmation because if im mistaken i'm gonna look real bad and be really embarrassed. 4) why is she acting weird all of a sudden? is this a manipulation move? and for what?
Like the conventional wisdom says, integrity is the best path to take. So fix a time 1 on 1 with him over a cup of coffee or something, and tell him straight what the deal is, instead of sidestepping and hinting. if he really is dense, he will value your frankness and honesty. Its like when you train birds, you always approach them from the front where they can see you, if you sneak up behind them then they get startled and fly away.
oh and do fix the spelling please, it makes it easier to read and to take you seriously. I doubt you'd be taking my advice into consideration were i to 7YP3 !N 1337 H4X0R SP34K!!1oneoneshift-one
>>17 no no no... the begging thing was a quote. i brought up the subject by 1st telling him a drama i was watching. n then i went on n told him that i was really touched by how much effort the gurl put in to win the guy's heart. i quoted to him what the gurl said. n then i gave it a bit of rest, hoping that the message might sink in. i asked him if it was "touching" n he said that it has no effect on him.
so obviously the message didn't sink in so i asked him that question myself. that's how it went.
i love u guys from 4 channel. ur like my life saviours lol! alright, i'll correct myself when i type here. thanx for telling me!
i'm gonna get myself changed now n meet him. i'll take >>15's advice about pulling up the subject. i'll also take >>16's advice about really wanting to say it in person meaningfully. haha, n finally i'll take >>17's advice about reading his his expression/body language.
i'll report back to u guys when i get bak ok?
Do it!
2day was fairly enjoyable. we talked n laughed mostly. i brought up the topic over dessert (well, more like drinks) the way >>15 wanted.
except i'm not really sure about the meaning of his answer. he kept dodging the question even though i insisted 3 times that he answer it. well, not really INSIST but more like 'pressed on the subject' without sounding in the least bit annoyed (annoyed because he wasn't answering).
he kept saying that the question is "hypothetical" n that it is a very hard question. he also admitted that he's never ever thought about these questions in his life. he also saidd that if he was to answer it, he would most definitely answer it seriously and that we would then have to talk about other stuff related to it.
by the looks of it, do u think he's avoiding the awkwardness of having a heart-to-heart, face-to-face open discussion?
now how do i interpret all this? HELP, my fellow 4-channelers!!!
>>20
Actually, I think he's willing to answer it seriously but he wants to be sure you're asking that question to him... I might be wrong of course but thinking as a guy, I think that to put it in >>17's words, he could be thinking either "i'm hesitant to hope for much, maybe shes just using me to fish for responses for when she asks another guy out" or "i'm afraid of answering in affirmation because if im mistaken i'm gonna look real bad and be really embarrassed."
I think you should give him some time to think over it and to "boil up", then ask him the question again and add that it could ne be that hypothetical of a question...
o.m.g
he saw all this!!! he went to 4-channel n actually READ everything here!!!!!
i'm beyond dead... now i'm really embarrassed...
o.m.g
he saw all this!!! he went to 4-channel n actually READ everything here!!!!!
i'm beyond dead... now i'm really embarrassed...
oops... sorry about sending it twice! lol
if he's your best friend.. do you really want to lose him because of a stupid crush that you guys are going to get over after like... a few months or a year or whatever?
friendship means more than love. love dies. friendship stays forever.
I dont think you'd want to lose a friendship thats so great because you guys went out n broke up. once you break up its going to be really hard to become friends again.
Just stay friends
Well if he saw everything there, then the ball is on his side. I agree it's embarrassing, but oh well. How did he manage to get there?
By the way, hello, OP's love interest!
he's a forum user n he was da one that introduced densha otoko to me.
yes... how embarassing... can things get more embarrassing?
They could if he posted funny stuff about you... let's hope he does not.
By the way if he's a forum user and used to anonymous boards, it seems logical that he would end up here at a moment or another. Looks like someone hasn't been very cautious :P
lol things r getting awkward for me.
i wonder how i'll b able to face him now that he knows everything.
mayb its best to just give up. sigh... no point in thinking of ways to refuel a losing battle (if u get my drift)...
thank u, guys, from 4 channel for helping!
Your spelling hurts. Please tell me you aren't for real.
really? i thought i've improved a lot from my previous posts. i think in >>29, 'r' was da only word i typed shorthand.
hahaha. you're very funny. its what i call IM jargon lol. yes, i am for real =]
>>31
Remember it's a forum, not an IM. And you used 'u' and 'b' too. And you need more caps at the beginning of your sentences. Please, some more effort; though I agree you're slightly improving. But 'da'? Seriously.
oh man...
how awkward...:S
but yea, i agree, stay friends for now. i mean, u can always be a "flirty" friend :P no one every said that friends cannot flirt with each other :P
after a while, see how it goes between you two. maybe a month later he will change his mind about the 2 year thing. dont rush it, dont want to freak your best friend out. keep it slow...
good luck!
> ME: if i say "because of luv, i would do anything in the world to b there with u n protect u. plz giv me a chance to prove luv does exist. i'm begging u... dun reject me..." wat will u say?
I'm glad he didn't answer/fall for it because it's the corniest shit I've ever heard.