My situation (3)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-08 00:17 ID:RuIWL0O6

I have to write this down. I am 19 years old (m), and I feel I may be in love with my best friend (same age, same uni, female), but I don't really want to be in such a state. She already has a boyfriend, plus she's the only real best friend that has been my friend unconditionally since high school. I'm not sure if I'm just experiencing strong platonic love or something, but it's really annoying, as is the fact that I have absolutely no-one to confide in. No-one at all. Quite frankly, I just want to move away from everyone I know after college, preferably to a large city like Berlin or Vienna, and become another anonymous face in a big city.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-08 03:56 ID:4o3A5PZv

Moving sounds like a good idea. Sorry man, but friends can never become lovers. I mean, okay, it can happen, it's happened to me twice, but trust me, it always ends badly.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-08 04:27 ID:6f+8x4nZ

Actually, I was in this exact same situation for almost 2 and a half years. It's really difficult and extremely painful.
I got over him by chance, to be honest. We spent three weeks together on a trip with some other friends, and by the time it was over I was so ready to get away from him it was almost unbearable.
In my opinion, the best ways to forget such feelings are

1) Move away and cut all contact with her

2) to flood your feelings away and be faced with EVERY single aspect of that person's personality (not just her good side). Not only will that give you a bit of a taste with whether or not you could stand to be around her for extreme amounts of time, but it will also let you know whether or not you're in love with HER, or just her composed side.
That may sound strange because, of course, since she's your friend you've seen her in many situations, but in my case, although I'd been friends with the person for nearly 6 years and in love with him for 2 and a half, until I'd lived with him and spent days upon days observing him, I couldn't realize that I'd only been in love with half of him. In order to be in love with someone you have to be willing to accept their good and their bad sides unconditionally.
Now, I said that to say this:
If you find out that you do love her whole self, I think it might be in your best interest to confess. Of course, worst case scenario, that could really strain your relationship. But, everything you do is possibly something that could do that, really.
However, if you do confess, then (if she's really in love with her boyfriend) you'll finally get a definite rejection. Even if you tell yourself that there is no chance of being together with her, it's human nature to wonder, so you might still, somewhere, believe you have a chance, which would, in turn, make your feelings stick around. Once you finally get a definite rejection, you'll finally be able to mentally say: "Okay, now I know I have no chance, so I can finally quell all my doubts and get over this."
I think that if you can do that and lay your feelings to rest then you'll be able to enjoy her more as a friend. Instead of focusing on how much you want to be her boyfriend while with her, you'll be able to focus on your friendship and the time you're spending with her which will make the relationship more satisfying.

Ah, this is long! Sorry. XD;

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