Operation Get Back with Ex (33)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-14 15:54 ID:SCHhvh4C

alright guys and girls...here's the deal. i want to get back with my ex and i need all the help i can get.

long story short. we broke up about 4 months ago. then she went abroad to further her studies. but now something's cropped up on her side and she'll be coming back to our homeland for university. reasons we broke up included me being an ass about her going overseas, several disagreements where we did not see eye to eye and made her feel we weren't compatible in the long run.i was also an insecure pussy at times with me being stuck in a conscript army and all. when it ended she said she doesn't rule out the possibility of us getting back together again after a certain amount of time...but during this period when she's been overseas she's been having the time of her life. and i can safely say that i was probably one of the last things on her mind. we haven't been communicating much...just the rare email on occasion.

thing is i've thought about this and i think its worth a shot trying to get her back again cos if i don't degenerate into a wuss again everything should be alright. i really like this girl...she's not even what people would generally term as hot or pretty. i've been talking to a few other girls and i always find that my ex is the best.

so here's where you guys come in. we all know that patching up something broken's way tougher than starting something fresh so i need all the help i can get. would appreciate it if you guys and girls could give me opinions on how i should approach this delicate situation...how i can come across as being someone new and 'reborn' and free of the negative traits from the past...and anything else that would help.

thanks a million. she'll be back in about 10 days.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-14 20:02 ID:2Rj18zeT

get over it. she clearly moved on and so should you.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-14 22:57 ID:8WZUzUPx

Try to remember what made her like you in the first place before you screwed up, and ramp it up all over again from there, clearly showing you grew some balls.

Might not work but it's either that or >>2... your call.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 01:39 ID:1jUjHSPV

As a fellow traveler, I think you shouldn't try to hold her back from seeing the world. You know, she might be meant for something more then just being with you. I'm sorry but I find it hard to support someone whose selfish enough to hold someone back from living a full life.

You didn't even say that you were wrong, you want help to make it "seem" like you've changed. Douche!

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 13:34 ID:NQHkqHHb

>>4

god i didn't say i was going to stop her. she's coming back because of personal and family reasons.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 13:39 ID:pqQtMgXU

>>4

oh and yes i admit i was against her leaving in the past but that was then. the reason i was an ass because i had done some research and i knew she would face some difficulties with regards to studying overseas.

and turns out i am most likely right which is why she is coming back.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 13:43 ID:GUYqhYP2

>>4

oh yeah and one more thing...you're assuming i'm trying to fake it. i'm not stupid enough to want to get back with her if i know that the old problem is still here with me cos it'll just end in tears again anyway. so yes i have thought through things clearly and have seen the folly of my ways so to speak. you might think this is just BS but i've said my piece.

>>2

right thanks.

>>3

thanks! yeah that sounds good.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 23:17 ID:dfRiBXCW

I see. Well the best bet is just to talk to her and ask what she thinks of you two getting back together again.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 00:49 ID:g0GIgyYw

Why not just take it slowly and spend some time together as friends first?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 23:16 ID:WrHCzrlE

No, that won't work. There really isn't any need for that since they already dated before. It would be better to get straight to the point or he'll end up in the "friend zone"

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 23:16 ID:WrHCzrlE

No, that won't work. There really isn't any need for that since they already dated before. It would be better to get straight to the point or he'll end up in the "friend zone"

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 23:16 ID:WrHCzrlE

No, that won't work. There really isn't any need for that since they already dated before. It would be better to get straight to the point or he'll end up in the "friend zone"

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-17 15:12 ID:vh3e/zBv

>>12

i feel you. this is where i find its tricky.

since i've been with her before and we were very close, its different from being with someone new. but at the same time, i want to erase the bad stuff which caused us to break up the last time over. more or less treat it like 'starting afresh'.

yet i'm aware of the 'friend zone' threat. so its a conundrum. to go in more slowly and 'under the radar' or to make it obvious?

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-17 23:25 ID:BqmU2vKC

make it obvious. I say tell her how you were wrong before and ask what she thinks if giving it another shot.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-20 09:57 ID:bR7Q8g/J

OP here.

havent' been seeing her online much due to time zone differentials.

she's coming back next week...but i didn't hear about it from her. saw it on her facebook wall instead. so i left a short msg just to say hi on msn.

she replied but it was pretty standard stuff. and she didn't mention she was coming back next week.

argh.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 23:59 ID:btGOuzb8

Hmm... that last post changes everything in my opinion. If you guys are on those kind of terms in communication, she may have moved on.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 01:19 ID:vh3e/zBv

>>16

OP here. yeah she probably has. i mean...the situation was that the relationship had degenerated into a pretty dead end one just before she left...and then we broke up. she left and had the time of her life living overseas etc. etc....i think its safe to assume she's been having so much of a great time over there she's moved on.

what i wanna do now is more or less start afresh and try as much as possible to not make it seem like i wanna pick up where we left off...

i'm pretty confident i can do that (because i believe i've really started to change for the better) if there was someway to get me back onto 'neutral ground' with her...cos now the thing is she probably still has negative feelings/associations attached to me...coupled with the fact that she doesn't really wanna be back here in our homeland. i'm not even thinking about attracting her again...its just that i need her to be willing to talk to me and hang out without feeling wary/guarded and having the negative feelings from the past triggered off...

argh.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 11:42 ID:Fykexaz5

Whatever you do, she must think that you too had a great time here without her. She must not start thinking you've been obsessing about her and that your life kind of "stopped" while she was away. You must look strong and independant.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 12:33 ID:ShaeRRR7

>>18
OP here. thanks.

how do i show that without coming across as too 'try hard'..?

i have really been hanging out with friends and engaging in my own hobbies but the only way i can think of showing her that is by telling her myself.

i haven't taken any photographs with my friends when we hung out so i can't post them on facebook. we don't have many mutual friends we're both close to so i can't go through them as well.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 20:28 ID:Ix4bgMBW

Get a tan, haircut, whiten your teeth slightly, shave, generally clean yourself up.

My advice is to ignore her when she gets home, just go about your normal business, meet with your friends, pursue your hobbies and personal interests, maybe go for your own brief trip. Where are you from, precisely? If you're European you could book a short trainride somewhere nice in your local area, take plenty of photos, and put them in an obvious place so when she comes over she will make a note of them.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 04:10 ID:NQHkqHHb

Okay ytd night i left another msg on msn...basically we were fluff talking for 1-2 lines the night before and i linked to the topic and basically agreed that the break up 4 mths ago was the best thing for both of us. hopefully that will lower down her 'desperation' shield.

>>20

hmm i'm southeast asian. i think she should be home already. argh. my travel options are limited atm (i'm conscripted in my country's army and will be for the next 6 months. this would be good for building my own life but sadly i got taken out of my combat role a year ago cos of a medical problem so now i'm a clerk) sadly, this also limits what i can do with my hair.

but i'll be heading for a day trip somewhere with my unit...that's in a month's time though.

how long should i wait before asking her out for a quick coffee?

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 04:29 ID:ShaeRRR7

OP again. >>21 was me as well btw.

damn i hope i didn't screw things up with agreeing about the breakup. no reply from her yet. i think she's back home already but she should still be asleep...

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 05:45 ID:6kKvJvVo

I was about to say... HOW COULD YOU AGREE WITH THE BREAK UP?! But the worst thing is that it was something to agree about... meaning she feels it was the best thing.

I think you just lost all chances if she told you she truly believed it was the best thing. And if you turn around and ask her out, she'll know you lied about the agreement. It doesn't look good, sorry...

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 05:58 ID:NQHkqHHb

>>23

its counter intuitive but apparently it helps...judging from many sources. supposedly it should lower her guard and show her i'm moving on. so that if i ask her to hang out it'll be harmless and we can have fun 'afresh'...

i dunno i'm kinda kicking myself now....oh well.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 06:10 ID:qqNRLTfP

OP here again. >>24 was me too.

anyway i think she should've seen the IM by now since i have good reason to believe she's been online. but she hasn't replied!!!

argh.

or is no news good news?

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 13:22 ID:vh3e/zBv

OP here.

Okay she's replied.

She replied 2 hrs ago while I was out to dinner so I only just saw it.

she just said and i quote.

'haha'

'yea..'

'good =)'

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 18:42 ID:Ix4bgMBW

Southeast asia, huh? Which nation do you serve?

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 21:10 ID:WYTw2S9k

fusncsdvfkvdlnl

It doesn't look good! If you ask her to hang out it will be as "friends"

BUT... lets forget about that for now.

We should worry about that later. First things first. You have to ask her to hang out.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 01:48 ID:828MnyWa

How long were you guys even going out in the first place, btw?

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 03:11 ID:DJtAkd90

>>27
Conscripted...sounds like Singapore to me....

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 15:00 ID:SCHhvh4C

>>27>>30
haha lets not get off topic...

>>29
1 year...

>>28
yea its not looking too good. i think she's either wary of me suddenly talking to her again after largely ignoring her while she was abroad. had a msn convo last night and it wasn't much to shout about.

anyway i think i'm gonna lay low instead of asking her to hang out. might be good to let her settle in back home first. she's probably also blue about having to give up her dream of being in europe. what do you guys think?

i'll be happy with hanging out as 'friends' instead of going in was 'the ex who wants to patch up'. after all i want to treat it as something 'new' so to speak...and this might sound laughable now...but make her chase me instead once she sees the new me..

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-25 03:10 ID:AjoceiO3

She might now even care about seeing the new you?
I dunno...

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-27 09:14 ID:PaXDkDDr

OP here...gosh she really misses the life back there.

how can i compete against another country...

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