How Should I be Taking this? (11)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-28 05:11 ID:wF3c0yMf

Alright, I've just been told by my friend that she likes me, a lot more than I thought she did. I've also liked this same friend for a while now. She's confused about the whole thing though. She's not sure if she wants to date me, because she's had a bad relationship before, and when it ended, her and the other guy couldn't really be friends anymore, because everything just wasn't "right", and she doesn't want our friendship to end up the same way.

However, she's also revealed to me some things about her. She drinks ( not extreme amounts ), this I already knew, and didn't really mind "too" much. She revealed that she smoked cigs, about a pack a week. Once again, I was surprised, but it wasn't a big deal. then she revealed that she smoked weed, about a month ago, and that she did it sometimes, but not often. This hit me right in the stomach.

See, I'm a straight arrow kinda person...and just this kinda threw me off wack. Im just wondering, "how" should I be thinking and taking this? Should I "get over it", "stay kinda upset about the whole thing", "hope she maybe stops doing it"?...Just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how you've handled it. I really like this girl, and I'm sure I can just not think about it, but it's just that in the back of my mind, it's still there, and it's just one of those nagging things I'll keep thinking every so often.

2 Name: bingo : 2008-08-28 06:44 ID:M8J/FA4T

There are things out there called "deal breakers". The concept is that there are some things that people will not accept in a relationship no matter what. It is different for different people. For example, I will not accept anyone that has a negative disposition in life. Even though I'm not necessarily positive, I would rather be single then be with someone that is pessimistic. For someone else they may not date someone who has a child, or may not date someone from a certain religion.

So maybe you should be with someone who is also a "straight arrow" type of person. Maybe it isn't a deal breaker for your partner to have an occasional joint, but it does worry you. You should talk to her about your concern, and find out exactly how strongly you feel about her bad habits. Maybe you could work something out.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-29 17:05 ID:pjesihbM

i have one question for you
with her doing the things she does, does that change who she is?

i used to have a similar situation. i was dating a girl who smoked weed and drank. i only had one request. if shes doing it, just dont bring it around me and dont call me when youre drunk or high. and one time she called me drunk and as she was leaving a message on my phone she said "oh shit. im so sorry please forget that i left this message." and when i called she apologized because she understood i just wasnt into that and i didnt want that anywhere around me. but i didnt try to control her when she was with her friends. things worked out well when we were together. i sometimes listened to the things she did when she was drunk or high and i'd laugh at her stories with her. i never understood why she did it but i just accepted that thats what she like to do like me and working out.

we broke up cause of distance when i moved and we're still good friends and i still listen to her stories

but like bingo said. if you really like her you can work it out. theres always solutions. see how she would feel about

4 Name: Akina : 2008-08-30 05:08 ID:YqhWLeN4

Get over it. With the percentage of people who smoke weed on the rise, it's becoming a socially acceptable thing. Just like how underage drinking is accepted socially but is still not legal. You don't want to ruin a relationship because of this. Relationships are not supposed to be perfect. Both parties have to work on it, and it's these difficulties where your bond grows stronger. The more difficulties you both go through together the better the relationship will end up, for a relationship isn't measured by how much love there is at the beginning, but how much love there is at the end.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-30 12:43 ID:3SkFGOiu

Get over it. Being offended by weed is, like, so authoritarian.

6 Name: Lucas-kun : 2008-08-30 18:46 ID:sAOS3svQ

People don't need durgs. It's a lifestyle choice. Since you don't approve of her lifestyle choice, that means you both have a slightly different set of values.

I could imagine things could get pretty weird between a pot smoking gurl and a non-smoking guy every once in a while... when people don't see eye-to-eye on something, anything, it could be a problem for a relationship. Especially when it's values that you don't see eye-to-eye on, if you feel me here.

Why don't you tell her your feelings, brah? Show her this post, even. Tell her your feelings about it, and listen to her feelings about it too. Be sure and understand each others' feelings on this, understanding is the most important issue in relationships.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-31 01:31 ID:Heaven

Wait, I thought that people with slightly different lifestyles made great couples because they could complete and influence each other, while couples made of people that are too much on the same foot end up in boredom, spite, and eventually faults/breakup.

I might have been misinformed.

8 Name: Lucas-kun : 2008-08-31 01:53 ID:sAOS3svQ


The whole "opposites attract" thing is not really true... I guess it could work, but not usually. As for slightly different, I'm pretty sure that's fine. People can get along if they're different, they just need to understand their differences. Didn't mean to give you that message bro.


9 Name: Lucas-kun : 2008-08-31 01:56 ID:sAOS3svQ

Also, don't just take my word for it.

10 Name: Akina : 2008-08-31 05:11 ID:YqhWLeN4

>>7 it could be true. But like people, relationships are all different. There is no 'right' way to be in one, because its different from all other relationships.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-31 07:55 ID:wF3c0yMf

OP here

You're very right. After thinking about it the past few days, I've pretty much thought up the same thing. If she does decide to give an actually relationship a chance, then I'd probably request the very same thing, that she doesn't bring it around me and such. I actually haven't been thinking about it as much now, I think I've sorta "gotten over it", heh.

Well, she gets back from a family reunion thing tomorrow...she said she'd be thinking about what she wants to do while she's gone, so hopefully she's decided on what to do. ( and hopefully, she'll want to take a chance on the relationship, lol. )

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