Hi.
I met this girl a few years ago.. then i fell in love with her, i asked her out once (that was the first and only time i asked a girl out) so we had fun, then nothing happened we weren't really close. Now after some years there was an event and we met (i won't specify in case she reads this) and i fell in love with her for real... i realized that i didn't feel like this before about any girl that i liked. She is so nice to me all the time. But i'm afraid that if i say something and i'll get rejected then we would stop talking to each other. I know this is special, i'm not in love with the way she looks (as i was with other girls). She agrees when i ask her to hang out somewhere and she even asks me to go somewhere with her. It's always so easy to talk to her. I think i'm obsessed.
What do you recomend?
you are already in motion. just keep doing that for a while and brace yourself when you get rejected while confessing. hopefully you can still at least maintain friendship with her afterward.
Fear of rejection is natural, but not acting because of it is even worse, because not only you lose her for sure, but it shows you don't think you are worth even trying,... If you do that, you will hate yourself.
As for your situation, it seems she is already quite open to you, so if you want to reduce risk then just try to spend more and more time with her. Even though you don't express your feelings, the fact that she is willing to share more of her time with you is meaningful. In the end, you will have a level of intimacy that you can verbalize it without fear of rejection.
>>3 Great reply, thanks for that... i am already trying to spend time with her.
>>1 youre already a few steps ahead of most. the only thing to worry about at this point is becoming so friendly with her that she no longer considers you a viable romantic partner.
im in love myself and the objection of my affection gives me crazy mixed signals. id love to be in your position.
>>5 speaking of signals... how can i know if she likes me or not?
well, you already hang out with her regularly, so she certainly likes you as a person. as for whether shes interested in romance, difficult to say given lack of information.
carefully consider her body language. the simplest way to gauge would be to compare her to a platonic female friend of yours. for example you may touch the platonic friend from time to time. grab her by the arm, give her a hug when she is upset etc. those same situations are going to be completely different with a girl who is considering you as a romantic partner. does she touch your arm from time to time in conversation? when trying to get your attention, what is the difference (if any) when she touches you compared to a platonic friend? does she shrink away when you initiate physical contact? how close does she walk with you? how close does she lean in when talking to you? i could go on.
think about all the interactions you have with a girl who is simply your friend. if a lot of instances come up with your love interest where you might say 'well, i wouldnt have done something like that with jane...' then theres a pretty good chance she feels the same way.
Well we don't touch eachother nor do i touch or have been touched by other girls, so it's hard to say, last time she touched me when we took a photo together, i didn't expect her to come that close.c When we walk if there are other friends of her she comes and walks with me.
We are both shy, i guess that is why we don't touch...
>>8 ok well, thats much more subtle but, still positive signs. you could always ask some of your mutual friends, usually its painfully obvious to all but the two people in question.
i'm gonna tell her what i think, i hope i'll have the courage to do that the next time we meet... a friend told me there are good signs, i hope she is right :)
what would be better, you getting rejected because you gathered up your courage and made a move or you suffering and kicking yourself in the head for not doing anything and what could have beens haunting you for the rest of your misery-filled life? the first you can get over with since you did everything you could in your capacity, the latter you did nothing and you should blame yourself for not doing anything when you have the power to.
At the same time i don't understand anything you say but i also know what you mean... this sounds strange but you are right... i must do it, i must tell her, otherwise i will regret i didn't. I'm telling you i'll go crazy if i don't do something, it's my move, i have to do it without thinking of negative consequences. I'll ask her out as soon as i can, then when we will be alone i will see if i have the courage, if i have i'll tell her, if not i'll ask her out again and then i will force myself into telling her. If she rejects me i will ask her to at least remain good friends with me.
ok so as far as i know she doesn't like me more than a good friend (i'm not 100% sure though) but i'll still go ahead... if i succeed lucky me, if not then it's gonna hurt but i should be able to get over it.