I want to break up with a girl I've been going out with for many years. We get along great I don't think she is the best life partner for me. She is funny and smart but I don't feel much passion for her. She is like a best friend more than a girlfiend.

I tried to break up with her a couple of months but I felt so guilty and she told me that she couldn't go on without me. No one with a heart could have said "no" to her. So I took her back.

We have been back together but I tell her that I don't want to think about our future anymore, as I don't want to hurt her any more than I have. I don't tell her "I love you" because I don't mean it like I once did. She still wants to spend her entire life with me but I don't see myself marrying her.

I want to create distance between us. I want her to not get her expectations up. I wouldn't mind if she hated me and broke up with me because I'd rather get hurt, than hurt her again. I want to see other people and have her do the same (she has more friends and a better job than I do, actually). How do I slowly let her know that I don't want to continue this for the long term?

*i meant girlfriend, not girlfiend..

Just tell her the truth and stick to it. There is no nice way to end this. it will hurt a lot more for her if you keep leting her think she has a chance and then take it away. Far better to end thinges as soon as possible.

You need to break up with her.
If you don't, all that is going to happen is that she's going to get more attached and she'll begin to envision the future more and more, and you'll either be roped into marrying her, or the breakup will be even worse down the line.
She'll be better off finding someone later and dealing with a bit of pain now than being stuck in a passionless, forced relationship for any longer. It'll look like you're hurting her, but you'll be helping both her, and yourself in the end.

You have two different problems:

• commitment for life: I think no sane human can make that commitment and not feel dishonest about it. Nevertheless I'm married,... But the difference is that I did not marry for life, and won't consider my marriage a failure if I divorce. I just noticed that we have been doing well together for many years, and marriage was was a symbolic celebration of the relationship. So don't feel guilty of not feeling comfortable about the commitment of spending the rest of your life with someone else.
• you don't seem to love your girlfriend anymore. The only solution for this is to break up with her. It's the best for both of you. If you drag things you will only hurt her even more, simply because the suffering will drag longer, with the same conclusion.

As a girl, i know that break ups hurt regardless of who is doing the breaking up. Even if she ends up falling out of love and breaks up with you, she'll still be hurt because she'll probably feel just as guilty about falling out of love as you do now. It's best to end it now. The pain will only get worse later.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Maybe it's not the best thing to hear but it sounds like something that we two will eventually have to face, isn't it.

But she was so happy to get back together, that I don't know how she'll take it if I tell her again that I don't want to be together. But you guys are right, it will only get worse.

To the married guy: that is a very wise way to look at a marriage. I think most people think of a relationship as lasting ideally forever (as I suppose we did, and maybe still do).

This is seriously the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

I just want to update you guys. I have taken your advice and I have broken up with my girlfriend.

Of course, she was/is very devastated. But I told her the truth about how I felt and left nothing out.

Even though she is very depressed now, she understands why I did it, and accepted my reasons. Only she wished I told her how I felt sooner.

I have learned something very valuable from this, and that the most important thing in a relationship is honesty. I thought it was a cliche saying, but it's really true.

Thanks again..

Good to hear that. Wish you both good luck!