3 years down the drain...or not? (14)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-03 14:01 ID:PHHY09M9

Hello 4ch.
I would like to share my story. I warn you this may be a little long...I think talking about it would help me tremendously.

In April 2006, I met a girl on myspace. She called herself "Sorrow". She added me because while searching for a music artist my site popped up with a similar name, and she found that I liked that artist too, and thought it would be fun to add me. After a while I found out she was new to myspace, and since she knew I had a somewhat good idea of how to customize sites, she asked me if I would help her with hers. So I began helping her design her site. Later, she wanted to chat on AIM. We became very good chat buddies. Little did I know, that she began to like me alot. One day after a couple months, her friend urged her to tell me the truth, and she finally told me her feelings. Shocked, I was amazed and quite flattered. But at first I didn't really have any feelings. She misunderstood that.
She started calling me her boyfriend to friends. I had no idea she felt so strongly. I continued telling her that I loved her as a good friend. One day, I met someone at a school. She and I had similar interests, and we ended up dating. When this happened in the real world, I felt it was alright to tell Sorrow that I had an actual girlfriend now, and that I didn't love her like she loved me. In fact I never even agreed to being her boyfriend in the first place.
About 3-4 months went by. The girl I had started dating ended up being a psychopath, tried to poison my family many times, stole money from my mother, and took advantage of me and my family on multiple levels. It was the end of that relationship alright. I was fine being single again, but I remembered that during all the turmoil in those months, Sorrow had been there for me online. I had so many mixed feelings...and it hit me, that she cared so much about me. I ended up finding how sad she became from a friend when she found out I was dating someone, that she nearly killed herself, and locked away in a room, not wanting to see or talk to anyone for days, and became depressed.
Filled with emotion, I came to a reasoning that she might be something special if she cares so so much about me. She started calling to check up on me, always was on the IM when she could, always talking on Myspace, and eventually I felt like I felt something for her.
It was the best. We were amazing. I felt on top of the world with her. We got webcams, talked on the phone alot (btw, she is from IL I'm from CA) and we really thought we could make this work. It was like a dream in summer 2007 when her mother and her came to stay with us for a visit. And even more amazing I went on a trip to see her just a couple months ago, my first time out of the state, and I had never been so alone on that 3-day train ride. It was an amazing 3 weeks there.

We never fought...not once, as hard to believe as it was. Not one spat, argument...nothing...in almost 3 years. People always said that we had the love people dream of.

A couple weeks ago, a guy friend of hers became homeless. Feeling sorry, her family took him in.
Little did I know...
...she fell in love with him, and had cheated on me for 2 weeks.
I found this out tonight. I couldn't believe it though, not from her mouth, I couldn't. I've never even seen her get angry! She's so kind, generous, unreal...but...this came from no where.
Neither of us cried when we talked. It was an emotionless conversation. Not a long one either like normal.
She thinks I'm giving her time to decide...she says "I love two people...I don't know what to do..."
What do you think about that line eh?
It's really too bad how things turned out...
I feel like I want to forgive her so badly, and just go back like things were...but I can't trust her now...
Advice??? I appreciate you 4ch. =)

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-03 17:08 ID:1Ogpqdru

Well,... this is a typical crisis in a relationship: one of the persons becomes attracted to another than the partner. What happens next depends on her decision. You are too far away to actually do anything other than speaking to her, so it's up to her.

Do you actually have/had real plans to at some point live together? That would make quite a big difference.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-03 20:40 ID:G81+iHGx

Unfortunately, most relationships formed from a godawful place like Myspace are doomed to an epic failure. Especially long distance ones. Not just long distance, but cross country. That's just asking for problems. If you already know someone, you can keep communicating with them no matter where you go. But until you meet someone in person, there's nothing there. Even if you think there is. As much as you want to follow Cher's example and turn back time, you can't. Game over, no continues availalbe.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-03 21:16 ID:PHHY09M9

>>2 Yes, we've had plans. We even had a wedding date set! XD

>>3 I know, and we really never wanted this to turn into another one of those stories...and I honestly believe that if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have had these problems.

I've also been thinking. If she slipped up once, I could forgive that. But she's kept letting him have his way with her for almost 2 weeks. She keeps telling me that she loves 2 people. She acts like this guy's last week and a half with her is equal to our 3 years. It's crazy, and I never ever thought I'd hear that from her...I'm waiting on her to call me later tonight. We're going to discuss it again...however I see no hope for our relationship now if she can so easily throw it away, and keep doing so for so long.

I'm taking it really well, really, and I myself is ready to move on.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-03 22:46 ID:spVxtUR/

Loving two people... sounds like she is confused with her feelings.
I guess you need to give her some time, but if this situation hurts you, then you should tell her and make it clear that she will have to decide on one person, sooner or later.

On the other hand, you say you take it very well. Why is that?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-03 23:39 ID:Heaven

>In April 2006, I met a girl on myspace. She called herself "Sorrow".

i can see why you might be having problems

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-03 23:49 ID:PHHY09M9

>>5 That's how I've been feeling about it. She needs to make up her mind. But I feel that I can't forgive the fact that she keeps letting it happen.
The reason I mentioned that I'm taking it well, is that I began expecting this, and even when she told me, I didn't get angry or upset, I was calm and told her if that's what she wants to do, then do it, but don't play games. You know, she needs to figure out things. I made her comfortable, explained that I wouldn't hate her or say see ya bye forever. That's the kind of person I am, and I love her, enough to let her go. If she finds another guy more interesting or whatever, I told her I'd be right here cheering her on. I haven't shed a single tear. Today I am trying my best to begin to move on. I've got alot of support. My reason for coming here is that its building up a bit, and I needed to get it out, since my "get it out to person" is now gone. ^^;;
Tonight when we talk I'm going to let her know that I can't forgive constant multiple screw-ups, and it's over.
Do I sound like I am doing the right thing here?

>>6 I lol'd

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-04 07:24 ID:Heaven

>>7
I'm sorry, I can't tell you if it's right or not because that is a decision you have to make for yourself. Letting others make this decision for you could make you feel wrong about it later.

So this is just advice, nothing more. If it's really over for you with what has happened and you don't see any way it could continue, and you're certain about that, you should do it. Be aware that there most probably won't be any way back. And, if she is an emotionally unstable person (like the nick and the situation suggest), she might react in an unexpected way.

I wish you best luck.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-04 10:33 ID:PHHY09M9

I talked with her tonight, we had a long conversation. We made an agreement that its over. We also agreed that possibly if she can really fix some things in her life, get herself together, cuts complete contact with that guy, and can truly show me how much she says she cares, I may consider...but only then.
4ch, I'm having mixed feelings now. I feel like I still love her so much, enough to overlook this if she truly does things right next time. I've tried hard to get my mind off of her and I can't...she still makes me smile the same way, and I both of us still feel so strongly about eachother...
I'm using this time to take a break. I feel though, that I cannot accept her back no matter what at this time, especially since she messed up more than twice now. With my break I may take some time to do some soul searching, relax, possibly see others. She swears on her life she's going to stay persistant to the end. We'll see I guess. She says she going to continue more and more to show me, even as I move on. If she doesn't buckle sooner or later, then maybe I'll know that she's really serious this time.
She wants to save our relationship so bad, but I just cannot do it this time. So as I go on, whether she can or not we'll see I guess...She says "I'll wait for you no matter how long, just you wait and see!"
It's sad...really. But I can't trust anything right now.

Would it be wrong if I was to think about seeing someone else at this time? I know I ask questions, and I wont purely base all my decisions on them, but advice is very helpful...thanks for the support.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-04 11:21 ID:1Ogpqdru

Well,... You broke up, right? So I don't see a problem in going with someone else. Anyway, time will tell how your and her feelings evolve. But I don't see the point in constraining yourself at the moment.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-04 11:22 ID:EVnf3o07

trust is really hard to gain again once it's lost. It's not like you don't want to trust her anymore, but it's just that you can't bring yourself to do that. Giving yourselves some time away from this relationship should be a good thing.

is the guy friend still living with her? if that's the case; i doubt she's gonna stay persistant for long. She may end up lying to you about the truth or something. Or maybe not. At least she was being honest with you.

Take some time off and see if you can find another girl who is in your state, in your city. Long distance relationships are really hard to maintain... unless you go find her, and if she goes find you and stay there.
move on, and see if she can really show you what she meant.
perhaps when you move, you won't care anymore, or maybe you will, and forgive her.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-05 05:02 ID:PHHY09M9

>>11 you couldn't have said it better, thank you.
But to be honest...today has been the worst. I'm not throwing up, nor am I a bundle of nerves like yesterday...but I feel tormented.
The reason I say this is because everywhere and everything I did today made me miss her...When I try to close my eyes, she's smiling. When it's silent is when it's the most noisy, because I hear her voice...but I also hear the confession she made.
Every song, card, couple, thing I've seen today made me miss her so much...I know it's only been a few days...but this is the first time in 3 years we haven't been "us".
And the other thing...I tried thinking about seeing someone else...but I swear to goodness, there isn't a thing or person out there that I can think of but her. I just can't be interested in anyone...I think maybe after a good amount of time, and if she can prove herself to me, I can forgive her. Call me crazy...

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-05 19:14 ID:sNvBYfye

>"I love two people...I don't know what to do..."

This is girl talk for: "I got the urge for some strange up me and I liked it so much the first time I went back for more."

She's a whore. If you have a functioning brain and balls you'll drop that bitch like she's radioactive.

And Christ man, try to avoid getting taken advantage of so massively in future. All you need is some self-respect.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-08 06:38 ID:PkUVHqLY

Get over that cheater. It's a good thing that she's been honest though, she'll make a great friend, not as a girlfriend/wife though. Charge what happened to experience. What happened, happened. It lingers because it had deep impact on you, probably the effect of the memories you made together. I learned that time is not a factor in relationships, I guess it's more of a luck thing... I mean, my officemate only knew her husband for 1 week, she dumped her boyfriend for 7 years to marry her current husband. They had a happy marriage and is still going strong after 25 years.

I think you should just be happy that you were able to experience being inlove for that 3 years, most of the guys here were unfortunate not to experience it. It wasn't a waste as it was a learning experience. Hopefully, you learned from it.

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