A little help for a frustrated lover. (11)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-13 22:59 ID:DIiik6Ii

I don't know what happened or when... But one of these days my boyfriend just started to seem boring and like a heavy burden.

He doesn't hang out with my friends because he doesn't like them and he doesn't want to anyway, he's jealous of most of them, he's jealous of some of his own friends so he doesn't like me to speak with them. He keeps overflowing me with information I don't care about... Like the amount of people who are freeters in Japan and in South Korea. He repeats himself constantly too...

But he's adorable and I love him so much, just thinking about braking up with him brings up tears to my eyes.

I love his true nature though, when he really lets go and we enjoy something together, like a trip to a different town or something. He enjoys life the way I do. Still... Sometimes he becomes unbearable and it makes me want to slap him, he's jealous of every single guy that I'm friends with even though he knows that I can't get along with girls.

He doesn't do anything out of himself, just lies around all day, sleeps a lot, goes to college when he feels like it and hangs out with his friends there. He doesn't go out much... He likes to just be still and I don't know... I don't seem to understand him anymore and it hurts me.

I just can't change what he really is. Have I really made him to be something that he isn't in my mind ?

I don't know, I need some help, I'm tired of crying and I just can't make a decision.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-13 23:17 ID:nFu+HOoH

So basically your problems are jealousy and alarm at is lack of application in his work/studies.

Why don't you confront him? Tell him that you don't like seeing him slacking off. It's up to him to decide on what to do, but if he's not serious about it, you won't be motivated by the relationship,...

As for jealousy, tell him that him that his problems are not rival men, but himself, that he is by his attitude the worst danger for your relationship.

Of course, depending on his personality, you'll have to more or less sugar coat your message, but you should still be firm about your needs and wants.

3 Name: Kung Fun Man : 2008-11-13 23:26 ID:dlPkCjR7

sounds like he needs a metephorical slap in the face to get put on the right path, yeah like 2 said you'll have to confront him. A relationship needs two people, if one person is putting in all the effort its simply wrong. Hope you can change this guy for the better though. Good luck

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-13 23:26 ID:DIiik6Ii

>>2

I've talked about all these things to him, he always tells me that he's going to change in all and any ways that he can... He has been applying more in his studies (he at least actually studies now) but he's still skipping classes just so he can sleep.

But I'm just... I don't know, I'm tired of waiting and there are so many fish in the sea. It hurts me to see a relationship that worked to well in the past turn into this now. It really tears me apart.

And the problem is that he can't hear anything I have to tell him that's relatively serious because he starts whining about how I never tell him stuff to his face in the moment I should've. Of course I don't ! He gets hurt from what I say.

I'm just tired of crying, I wish i could really think things through and understand what I really want.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-13 23:50 ID:MI7KcutP

He's lost, or is losing his social frame of reference, thus making him irrationally believe that he be completely selfish and still expect you to conform strictly to his unrealistic ideals. In other words, it is futile unless he makes more change than merely studying.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-16 11:48 ID:UwWNFVis

I'm currently posting next to him in bed, he's still sleeping and making to most adorable face ever. We worked it out, we had a major fight but he was serious and he really talked from the heart when I confronted him.

Things are already looking up ! He's just the type of person who looses itself. I gave him one last chance.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-16 15:36 ID:EExOWMz9

>>6 good to hear that, but make sure both of you have objective targets and keep communicating. It's easy to relapse, and it will happen, but the key persevere, and be serious about it,...

8 Name: XCDX3R0 : 2008-11-16 23:57 ID:nCUIv490

you're relationship sounds like mine, i sound like the guy...when i was a freshmen in highschool...

if you love him, stay. if u dont go. it's good to hear you two worked things out though!

some words of wisdom, couples have arguments and most definitely their differences. its part of a healthy relationship but if gone overboard can go terribly wrong

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-19 09:21 ID:elIJs/XP

Hi OP, your bf sounds kinda like me, so heres my input:

1) He is jealous of the other guys possibly because he is insecure!
2) You shouldn't break up with him because I think his jealousy is also his immature way of showing that he cares a lot for you.
3) Adorable faces are cool. (n_n)

Conclusion: Don't break up with him!
(By the way, you should try to make him less insecure if that is the problem)
P.S. Is he a Scorpio? ~_~

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-20 13:21 ID:YZJcflsx

>>6
p.s. Everything will go back to shit and worse, I give him 1 month tops. I know this exact type. If you're his 9000th gf, then maybe he'll come around the moment you start packing your shit. Don't count on it tho'.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-11-22 21:19 ID:Bbt0qPAK

>>9 No, he's a Leo. A weird one at that, I'm an Aquarius btw.

>>10 Heh, I'm about his third girlfriend... I just hope things continue as good as they've been these past weeks or so. He's not stupid, he might be kind of unaware and shit but since we had our last conversation he started supporting me in many things ! And he's been going to college even, he studied a lot for this exam he had, I'm proud of him really.

He really has been supporting me: I want to diet 'cus i gained like 10kgs since i stopped exercising, and he has been supporting me and asking me what I've eaten and keeping track of stuff and all.

He's been caring for me and for my happiness, same as I've been helping him with simple stuff he just wasn't ever used to (like meeting new people ! god...) I guess that we're just from different worlds and we're both trying to help each other out.

I guess that, in the end, what really keeps us together is that we both want to escape this place and know the world. We have moments that could only exist with the two of us, like sitting in the train station for hours completely stoned out of our minds and drinking a nice cup of Earl Grey with milk in a lazy Saturday afternoon.

We support each other like really good friends and make love like lovers should. We just need to make an effort to keep each other happy. I hope things continue to look up, I am afraid that one of these days he'll give up on being good for me... I hope this isn't all an act he's been doing you know ?

Only time will tell, for now I'll just see how things go.

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