Where from here? (5)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-13 00:58 ID:qL4GgiJx

So, me and this one woman have been on 5 dates so far. We have connected on a deep level and have had a lot of fun. However, the furthest we've gone now is making out, and I am having trouble figuring how her overall attitude to where this is going... I'm not the kinda guy who pushes anything, and while this is certainly not my first time dating, it is the first time in a few years where I've been in a situation where things could possibly go past friends-with-benefits. So... I have a few thoughts/questions:

1) How much should I let flow, and when/how should I give things a little "push"? AKA, I want to be the kind of guy who takes initiative, but not be forceful or come across as desperate.

2) On our last night out together, she briefly mentioned that she had recently hooked up with another guy (it was slightly related to the subject at hand) for a one-time thing. I didn't make a big deal out of it at all, but I'm wondering: does it reflect badly on my part that she hooked-up with this other guy, but 5 dates in we haven't gone past heavy-petting? (Note: I understand that such things are acceptable morally, since we aren't official, but I'm looking at it on a psychological basis)

3) Who should be the first to say "I love you" (aka who should be the first to make it official)?

It feels good to be back in the game, but I gotta admit I'm a bit rusty in terms of the "love" aspect.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-13 23:14 ID:ONTF3PU0

Not that I have much experience or anything, but if you really like her you have to show it. So, in response to (3) you should say it first if she hasn't yet taken the initiative. If that's too much for her after five dates you need to move back to "friends with benefits". If it makes her happy, it should be clear to you that it's a good time to be "pushy".

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-14 18:57 ID:vnnz3ZDr

Don't tell her "I love you". Not yet, not before a few more weeks at the very least.

As strange as it may sound, it's one of the best way to scare a girl away. If you want to make things official, tell her so. Tell her you'd like to get closer, etc, etc. Make the intent clear that you want her to be your girlfriend. Give it some feeling too, but no mushy corny stuff. She doesn't sound like the kind of girl into that.

Now if she says it that's another thing.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-14 21:18 ID:BCbLnoFr

1) push as much as you wish, so long as she doesn't resist. Her comment on the other guy might be an indirect way of saying "what are you waiting to start having sex?". Or maybe not, don't be pushy, you have to be a bit subtle.

2) it does not reflect bad on you. Your stories are different, and nothing says she's not investing more in you. If you want to get serious, I think you don't mind waiting a bit. But if it's a one night stand, that would be awkward. Also, if you feel uncomfortable, you might want to discuss with her about her views on sexual promiscuity, and state that you would prefer that she devotes herself to you. That's also a way of moving the relationship forward.

3) It does not matter who says it first. What matters is that you should only say it when you are pretty sure that she's interested in a relationship with you. Otherwise you may put an unwelcome pressure on her.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-14 21:28 ID:YzdRSFRh

>>3

Oh, I know that. I'm just wondering when to say it after becoming official. Thing is, in my past relationships I've never been the one to say it first.

>>4

1) She hasn't resisted so far. Sounds good to me!

2) She's not promiscuous at all. In fact, I was kinda surprised. However, I don't think much of it because- looking back on it- I'm not adverse to one night stands myself even while "looking into" someone =P. The only time I'd have a problem with it is if it was during a relationship.

3) Word.

We'll see what happens Friday. Hopefully my roommate will be away for the weekend... (rubs hands)

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