There's no one I really like (5)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-13 23:08 ID:sX6SHCZS

I don't often think of myself as maladjusted, but I'm 21 now and I still haven't met a girl I'd really want to take out on a date. I seriously don't want to take the effort of asking out someone I see as a friend just because of my rampant libido which is much easier to get rid of with my right hand. Plus, if I did ask someone out I'd feel dishonest, and I know they'd be able to sense that. I've gotten to first base only on a blind date, and to second base only when I was drunk.

I think I'm missing some essential bit of the dating process. I do find people attractive-- just not so much that I see someone and say "I'm going to marry that girl." I do have the capacity to love, but only if someone wants to receive my love. I do want a relationship, but not with anyone I know in particular.

Sometimes I wish I could just set up an arranged marriage, but it seems most Americans aren't interested in that kind of thing...

2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-01-20 07:04 ID://Lu+XLj

I feel similarly and I am your same age. All of my friends are constantly in relationships, and when they break up with their boyfriends or girlfriends they seem to instantly find someone that is interesting and attractive to them immediately following. I have a hard time finding people that I am attracted to or that I want to date seriously. Because of this, most of my interactions with the other sex have been very casual and of sexual nature. I have no shortage of people wanting to date me, but I just can't see any of them as real, potential long lasting mates, though I've tried. I vowed to not have anything to do with dating/sex/anything again until I find someone truly interesting, but that hasn't happened and it looks like it ain't happening any time soon. I guess all we have to do is be patient, or keep looking? I'm still so young, but so impatient...

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-20 16:31 ID:+ZdqBjXV

>>1
I think I have the same issue as you. Too high standards, most people will tell you.

The advantage is that when you find someone that matches them, it will probably be awesome.

The flipside is that if they don't have feelings for you, well... you're back to waiting x years to find another rare pearl. And also all the rest of the people will seem even more dull.

And yes, i'm talking from experience.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-22 01:31 ID:MCCUBlZy

I'm like that, but I'm 27.
Too geeky to get girls in HS, and they all seemed so superficial anyway.
My college major was a sausage fest and the homework crushed any chance at a social life so no luck there.
...and now I'm fully employed, steadily workin' but lacking purpose - that is, lacking an SO.

For god's sake, find someone. I've wasted too much time myself. Friends are having luck with online services, I hope I will too, but I still live at home because I've been so poor until I got this job. Waiting isn't a viable strategy.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-26 09:44 ID:pGbC8kum

OP here. Coming back to this thread, in the sort of enlightenment you achieve around 4AM, I realize that all of us suffer from lack of motivation. There's no magic button you can press that makes you suddenly interested in someone. You have to really desire it to make it happen. Even though I want a relationship on an intellectual level, and I know it would be good for me, emotionally I'm unable to prepare myself somehow.

Now that I've typed that out I feel like crap. Since the start of this month I've consciously cut myself off from social life at my college. It's an easy out and I shouldn't do it any longer. Well, the weekend's over now and I didn't do shit, but I've got six more weekends left to try again.

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