;__; (11)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-18 20:40 ID:fz0QOSEX

What is the correct response to this situation?

I've been dating my boyfriend for several months now, and I don't know how much further we can go. We met as strangers, and entered a relationship almost immediately after. Occasionally we have moments of great insight and hilarity, but most of the time the conversation goes: "hello, how are you, slurp, slurp slurp."

There's a bit of an age/mental gap between us, which might explain the lack of non-bedroom conversation. I'm fond of him to the point of distraction, but I don't know if he feels the same for me. For one, save for his friends who have seen me, nobody really know that he has a girlfriend. I know that others girls like to fawn over him a lot (and he's told me this much himself), and I suspect that's part of the reason he isn't publicizing our relationship. He talks about the flirting thing lightly, and implies that he doesn't reciprocate. I found it fairly funny at first, but now I can't help feeling a little threatened.

Compared to him, I'm not that outspoken at all, and in many respects we're not the most intuitively obvious match. He also has a decade more dating experience than me, and I can't help but imagine that he's said the same things to countless girls before me. Thinking about the relationship in these terms, my self-esteem takes a bit of a plummet.

I don't want him to lose interest in me-- and I want to prevent him from regarding this relationship as an outlet for sexual frustration and nothing more. But if I actively try to prevent that, then I'm afraid I'll just look like a tryhard.

tl;dr: I would make him a sandwich and give him a blowjob any day, but would that make him like me?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-19 00:19 ID:F2KEZtCa

Why don't you get into activities conductive to more conversation? What are your shared interests? If you do things you like together, you will build up more of a togetherness.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-19 00:34 ID:fz0QOSEX

That's a good idea, but I can't seem to think of anything at all. ;__; What is it that people do? (Stupid question.)

We've gone out to pubs and things (leads to under the table fondling, plus too loud to talk), watched movies at home (couldn't sit through them, either fell asleep or ended up making out), gone out with his friends-- which only leads to him talking to his friends, and me kind of simpering in a corner. And he's watched me play video games for a bit. Which only proved that he wasn't very good at SSBB.

Somehow I don't think constantly going out for coffee is a shared interest?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-19 00:43 ID:F2KEZtCa

why don't you learn about you bf interests? then you just need to pick what interests you also. Make an effort, for your relationship's sake.

For instance, if he likes certain bands, go to concerts. If he's into hiking, do it with him. If he's into sports, do it with him, or go together buy equipment, or watch a game, etc.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-20 03:48 ID:fz0QOSEX

That seems like sound advice.

Still, all the girls casually vying for his attention might be a problem. :'(

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-20 05:38 ID:mRvt8/08

You probably should have waited to put out. That's why you shouldn't date more experienced people.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-20 06:05 ID:mRvt8/08

>>6

I didn't mean to sound too harsh. Live and learn, et cetera, et cetera.

I would probably drop the guy. And in the future develop some real chemistry before sleeping together. Insist on the relationship having a title and being public knowledge. You owe it to yourself. :)

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-20 14:51 ID:JPTTa+ta

>>7
Why give up so soon? You won't get anything in life if you're not ready to put some effort. She has an head start, compared to the "other girls", it would be stupid to give up without even trying.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-20 22:13 ID:1EtA+giK

>>7
No, you're probably right about putting out.

Would it be too late at this point to play hard to get? I admit it's a bit of a long shot. Dropping him at this point would just be bizarre, since I've given no indication that I was upset about anything. And most of the time, I'm not. It's fun being with him, and I really wish my brain chemicals would let me keep it simple like that.

>>8
As for my head start, I'm not really sure how it happened in the first place. It it just consisted of me being in the right place, at the right time, and "pretty"-- then that's not really a head start at all.

Still, I definitely won't give up. He's a big fan of cricket. Maybe I'll look into that.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-20 22:15 ID:1EtA+giK

>>9
*If it just

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-02 23:02 ID:iyOpkXtV

Not to sound like a douche and disapproving of your relationship, but why do you like the guy? Is he more than a sexual attraction to you?

I feel like I used to be in the same position you are, except for having a bunch of other people interested in your significant other. I thought I loved them, but we only did sexual things together. Over time I came to realize that I wanted more than sex and affection; I wanted someone I could share my life and interests with.

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